I'll tell you something, I don't know about you,
but I feel like it is a great time to be a woman.
[CHEERING]
We are finally feeling the courage
to speak up against things that are wrong,
and after years of inequality it feels like things
are starting to change.
And then I saw this headline, Doritos for her.
[LAUGHTER]
I'm sorry what?
All this time I've been eating man chips?
[LAUGHTER]
You heard about this right?
Everybody's heard about this?
Doritos is owned by Pepsi and their CEO
said that women want a chip that's less crunchy.
Who doesn't want a crunchy chip?
That is-- What woman doesn't want a crunchy chip?
Who's complaining about the--
if your chip isn't crunchy it's not a chip, it's a wet potato.
[LAUGHTER]
After Pepsi makes a chip that isn't crunchy
they're going to make a soda that's not wet.
That's their-- they're really on it.
I don't know when this happened like when--
I missed that march.
What do we want?
Quiet chips.
When do we want it?
Now.
[LAUGHTER]
The CEO says that women and men eat chips very differently.
They say that when men get to the bottom of a bag of chips
they get all the little broken pieces,
and they put them in their mouth,
and then they lick their fingers with tremendous glee.
Which is one of the reasons I don't have a husband.
And then, they said that she-- this is the CEO,
says that women would love to pour
the broken chips into their mouth
but they don't, and they don't know why.
Maybe we're not strong enough to lift the bag all the way.
I'm joking, it's because we're not animals,
and we respect ourselves, that's why.
That's why.
[CHEERING]
They're also saying that female the female version is not
going to leave as much Dorito dust on your fingers
and that it will be able to fit into a purse.
Hallelujah, this is what our grandmothers and our mothers
marched for.
This is what the pink hats are all about.
If they really want to make an adjustment
they could just start by filling the bag with more than half
the chips.
It's all air.
There's not-- it's all air.
[APPLAUSE]
Just fill the bag.
I think we're going after the wrong issue.
Women weren't wronged by Doritos.
They were wronged by a giant orange Cheeto.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
That was slow but you got it.
You were like.
[CLAPPING]
There was a lot of backlash online about this
and then the Pepsi corporation released a statement
saying they have decided not to come out with Lady Doritos.
So great, now we're not good enough to have our own chips.
It's just like them to promise us something and then
take it away from us.