When you start seeing signs of autism, you may go into denial like I did many years ago.
Maybe you've talked to family members who say things like he's just a little late talking
and he'll catch up.
Don't worry.
Maybe you see red flags, but then think of all the other things your child can do well,
and maybe you're concerned about pinning a label on your child.
Denial is wasted time not getting your child the therapy that they need to reach their
fullest potential.
So today I'm going to talk about denial.
Hi, I'm Dr. Mary Barbera, autism mom, board certified behavior analyst, online course
creator, and bestselling author of The Verbal Behavior Approach.
Each week I provide you with some of my ideas about turning autism around.
So, if you haven't subscribed to my YouTube channel you can do that now.
Today I'm sharing a small excerpt from a recent podcast episode with speech and language pathologist
and autism mom, Deidra Darst.
She talks about her struggle with denial and getting ABA services for her son.
You are a speech and language pathologist and then you had a personal fall into the
autism world too.
So can you tell us like how long you've been an SLP and then, um, describe how, how you
fell into the autism world?
So I've been in SLP now for nine years, and I've always worked with kids on the spectrum.
It should have been a sign.
I think my very first client I ever had was on the spectrum.
My first big girl job, um, had a lot of kids on the spectrum and, um, and I had kids and
my younger son, Collin, he's now five, and he was diagnosed with severe autism at three.
Okay.
And you have, uh, an older son too, Finley.
Okay.
And Finley is just a year older than Colin.
Finley is 12 months and six days older than Colin.
So they're very close.
Yeah.
And Finley was a late talker, so I was concerned about that.
Um, and then Collin, I don't know if you want me to get into this yet, but, um, he was hitting
milestones, so I kept, you know, I would check that off.
Oh, that's okay.
He's crawling good.
Um, and then as he got older, then I started to realize, oh, language, speech.
Um, so yeah, I worried about both of my kids I guess.
Yeah.
So you have a lot of experience with kids that are slightly delayed with speech and
kids on the spectrum and, and there is a lot of variability.
What's normal and there's a lot of worry, especially today when the autism rate is about
one in 50 as back 20 years ago when Lucas was diagnosed, the autism rate was about one
in 500.
So lots more kids on the spectrum and lots of worry.
Um, and my boys are 18 months apart, less little less than 18 months apart.
And that complicates things too because you just don't, you don't know if you're like
going nuts and just two having two kids.
I saw things with Collin, hindsight being 20, 20, he was six months old and that was
the first appointment with the pediatrician that I said, there's something going on because
he was a happy baby, but he was a fussy baby.
And you know, we realized there were some, um, belly issues and things like that.
Um, but when he was about a year old, that's when I really started to notice he didn't
have interest in toys.
Um, just little things like that.
But when I would say that to my family, they'd say, you're crazy.
You just, you just know too much.
Just don't worry.
He's, he's fine.
Um, my grandma actually said there's nothing wrong with that baby.
I love him.
And I said, I love him too.
That's why I'm concerned.
So at what point did you, you said you started to have concerns about autism maybe when he
was about one.
Um, and then then how long did it take for the doctors to take you seriously for you
to, did you wait in line for a diagnosis or how did that work?
Because a lot of people are waiting nine months to two years for a diagnosis.
And this is for three years ago.
I was mentioning it at well visits.
Um, actually my best friend is an OT.
So when Collin was about 15 months old, I asked her to do a developmental assessment
and everything was within normal limits except for language, which I knew that.
And I thought I'm not going to call in birth to three to do what I'm already doing.
I will just do what I'm doing already and keep going.
Um, and I, I would see things, but I would talk myself out of it.
Like I would say, well, but look how social he is.
He doesn't have any sensory issues.
And then I would say he but doesn't always respond to his name, but, and it was this
constant back and forth that I drove myself crazy.
Um, and when he was two and a half, almost two and a half, it was like a light bulb moment
that, oh, he does have sensory issues.
That's outside of anything I understand.
So I called in birth to three.
Um, when he was two, I asked his doctor, you know, I said I have autism concerns.
And, um, the pediatrician said to me if he can point, he's not autistic and a few other
things, um, we don't see that pediatrician anymore.
But um, does, did he, did he point back then?
He would point but it wasn't always consistent.
He was always kind of a hit or miss, you know, and even on screenings, I would answer sometimes
to some of the questions.
When he turned three, I put him in music therapy and OT, and the music therapist was a friend
of mine and she recommended ABA.
And I can't remember if I mentioned this on the other podcast, but I was not a fan of
ABA.
I didn't really know what it was, but I was pretty sure I didn't like it.
And I was almost offended when she said, yeah, we'll ABA.
It's like, ooh, no, that's, we don't want that.
No, thank you.
And she said, if you go to this clinic, they're going to change your mind.
Um, so we went for a visit and it was like angels sang and answered all of my prayers.
It was just everything that I knew he needed.
Doctors were saying, oh, autism ABA, but I didn't necessarily get information on resources
where to go, how to get ABA.
I just, because I work in the field, I knew how to find it, but I could see where other
parents would feel completely lost.
Once you started ABA then did you start to see progress then?
It was immediate.
I mean it, it was like magic.
I told them, I said, I don't know what kind of magic wand you have, but it's amazing.
Um, I, uh, I document everything and I keep all of his little notes that we get every
day.
And I went back and when he had just had about 25 hours of ABA, he was already a different
kid.
He had learned to wait.
He could sit.
He, I mean, it was just amazing the things that he could do.
And um, when I read your book, that was, that was also like a moment for me to really understand
what ABA is.
And it was all those things that I knew he needed.
We had talked about this, but I had left my job when he was three because I knew he needed
this one-on-one intensive intervention and that we could help him.
You know he was, I knew he was in there, he had potential and he could learn.
We just had to get in there and when I read your book I'm like, oh my gosh, this is exactly
what he needs.
Um, but yeah, he, he started out, um, he was getting about two hours of ABA a day and even
at just two hours it was life-changing.
So I was sold.
What are the main struggles, uh, that you see with parents of kids with autism?
I feel like pediatricians don't recommend testing.
They don't recommend therapy and people will go to their pediatrician and their doctors
and we love them and you know, we, we appreciate them and all those things.
But they'll go to their doctor with a concern and they’ll say well don't worry about it.
They'll talk when they're three, they'll catch up.
It's okay, don't worry about it.
And that's a complete disservice because they need that early intervention and we see how
important that is to get in there early.
And like you said, you can still do things later, but if you can get in there early,
you're going to affect so much more change.
And I feel like if your doctor tells you, oh, don't worry about it, then people don't
worry about it.
And then they wait and then they wait until they're four and they go into preschool and
then the teacher says, whoa, what's going on here?
And we've waited till four to get anything.
What about for professionals?
What do you think they are struggling the most within the autism world?
Now that I have seen ABA and I have a pretty good grasp on it and I see how effective it
is, I feel like we all as professionals, SLPs, OTs, PTs, BCBAs, if we can all work together,
how beneficial is that going to be?
You know, because I know I can bring things to the table, language-based.
Um, if we can get teachers on board, I think if we can have everybody on the same page
and working together, then that's just going to benefit the kids.
I hope you enjoyed this short snippet from the podcast.
If you want more content, check out the podcast at marybarbera.com/podcast.
Wherever you're watching this, I'd love it if you would leave me a comment, give me a
thumbs up, share this video with others who may benefit, and for more information, you
can attend a free online workshop at marybarbera.com/workshop and I'll see you right here next week.