hey everyone and welcome to top think today we're going to learn 12 surprising facts about
relationships now let's begin number one natural irrationality love makes you do stupid things
you take pointless risks you can't concentrate your judgments so clouded by powerful emotions
that you rarely realize how irrational that you're being so why is love such a blinding
feeling love releases neurotransmitters like norepinephrine dopamine and serotonin these
chemicals consistently stimulate and reward your body and brain they fill you with adrenaline and
they raise your heart rate they make you lose sleep and skip meals you act impulsively because
you're overwhelmed by a cocktail of pleasurable chemicals unfortunately there's nothing you can
do about it falling in love is a natural process like eating or sleeping so don't be surprised if
love makes you at least a little bit crazy number two matching happiness have you ever
noticed how couples start to look alike over the years this is an extremely common trend
when two people spend that much time with each other their styles gradually blend together but
I'm not just talking about their clothes and haircuts older couples usually have wrinkles
in the same places if for example they spent a lot of time smiling their faces will develop the same
lines you can often tell which couples are the happiest by how similar they look number three
overrated grandeur any romantic movie will sell you the idea that grand gestures will unlock your
partner's hearts but those big expensive gifts aren't nearly as moving as you think one study
found that most partners prefer small favors to grand gestures the point is to show the other
person that you care right grand gestures do show that you care but they also make people
uncomfortable they might worry about how much money you spent and start to feel guilty some
people feel like you're trying to buy their love their reaction doesn't usually line up with what
you imagine which makes your gesture feel like a waste people prefer small favors because they
communicate the same feelings without breaking the bank and the best part is you can do them
way more often number four cardiovascular health a review of 34 different studies containing over
two million participants reveal the amazing health benefits of being in a relationship it
significantly lowers the risk of coronary heart disease and cardiovascular disease married men
and women also have less heart attacks and strokes in other words relationships don't just make you
feel good they help you live longer number five chemistry in tears can you quantify the chemistry
between two people it's a hard thing to really put a label on it looks so different in every
situation two people might have amazing chemistry at work and then terrible chemistry an hour later
at dinner in many ways chemistry boils down to one very complicated question how well can you relate
to the person that you're with there might be some things about your partner that you really connect
with maybe it's a hobby or an opinion that the two of you have in common at the same time your
partner might also do think or say things that you just can't wrap your head around to make sense of
the way people relate to each other psychologist Erich Bern came up with three tiers of commonality
each tier highlights a specific part of you and your partner's identity the first looks at how
your core values and beliefs line up do you for example prioritize your family as much as your
partner does the second focuses on how you make each other feel think about whether or not your
partner makes you laugh or if you look forward to spending time with them the third and final tier
is how your identities enter mingle this is where finishing each other's sentences comes into play
if you relate to someone on this level you can sometimes predict what the other person's thinking
because you're probably thinking the same way the best relationships have chemistry across the board
but not because each person is live the same life real chemistry develops when your identities are
both different and complementary number six love conquers germs why doesn't it bother you when
your partner does something gross a study from the Netherlands found that this is one of the earliest
signs of love and probably the strangest to neurologically passion and disgust aren't that far
apart when you're in love those positive feelings tend to overwhelm the negative ones otherwise most
kinds of intimacy wouldn't really be possible so if you don't mind when your partner picks
their nose you might be head over heels number 7 synchronizing hearts when two people fall in love
their heart rates start to sink up this idea has been floating around for a while it seemed like a
myth until a study discovered that it's actually true researchers tested if people could align
their heart rates when sitting across from each other they split participants up into two groups
the first set across from a random stranger while the second set across from their significant other
as you might have guessed the first group didn't change at all but the second did couples hearts
started to beat together it turns out love really is more than just an emotional connection number
eight the romantic painkiller cuddling is often nicknamed the romantic painkiller on the surface
it's a nice intimate way to relax with your partner but a few minutes of cuddling can have
a major impact on your health mentally cuddling is a great way to lower anxiety and relieve stress it
will immediately improve your mood by suppressing negative motions like irritation and loneliness
physically cuddling is just as effective as most over-the-counter painkillers it boosts your immune
system it mitigates pain and it releases a flood of feel-good hormones if you're ever stressed or
in pain a little cuddling and go a long way number nine sleep-deprived assumptions a study from the
American Academy of Sleep Medicine found that people who don't get enough sleep make the same
faulty assumptions most people know that sleep deprivation lowers focus in productivity but it
will also make you see things that aren't there in the dating world this is a huge
problem sleep-deprived people often mistakenly believe everyone is trying to flirt with them
why well because your prefrontal cortex doesn't work without sleep you'll take risks and make
really bad decisions all because you didn't get your eight hours number ten younger divorces not
every relationship lasts forever even the most passionate reliable partnerships can fall apart
maybe you got sick of each other and fought over everything maybe your lives were naturally moving
in different directions or maybe you just didn't pick the right person to spend the rest of your
life with for one reason or another around 40 percent of marriages in the United States end
in divorce that's one in every two to five relationships that sounds like a lot I know
but that number used to be even higher in the 1980s and 90s over fifty percent of marriages
crumbled at some point but why was the rate of divorce so high a 2014 study suggests that
age has a lot to do with it thirty years ago you'd probably get married between the ages
of eighteen and twenty three more people were marrying young and starting families in their
mid 20s the problem is you're not done physically and mentally developing at eighteen your body and
brain will grow significantly over the next ten years and your environment will change even more
you'll experiment with different careers live in diverse places and make new friends in your late
20s you'll feel like a completely different person while that's certainly healthy for
you it can create quite a bit of conflict in a relationship someone you loved when you were 18
may not have the same appeal when you're 28 this isn't always the case but it is one big reason
while younger marriages are more likely to end in separation nowadays the average age of someone's
first marriage is much higher it's around 27 for women and 29 for men more people are putting off
marriage to go to school and establish their career and it's working wonders on the divorce
rate modern rates are over 18 percent lower than they were just 10 years ago yes less people are
getting married now than ever before but those that do are more likely to make it last number
11 frustration attraction the harder something is to get the more you want it that's just how
your brain works when something is blocking you from reaching your goals you naturally
fight harder this works for any reward from a fancy new phone to an unrequited crush in the
context of a relationship psychologists call this frustration attraction it's a strange
phenomenon where breaking up with a partner makes them seem more appealing a breakup is
sort of like being told you can't have something even if you know it's a terrible idea your brain
will feel compelled to take them back anyway number 12 total knowledge you can never really
know anyone inside and out our lives thoughts and memories are way too complex to share no
matter how long you've been together even if you don't know everything you probably think you know
your partner pretty well most people would say the same thing about their relationships but one
study says the majority of partners don't know as much as they think researchers wanted to see
if there was a correlation between confidence and accuracy in other words does thinking you
know more mean you actually do the answer is a resounding no in almost every case partners
new way less than they thought they did so even if you've been with someone for years
there's still plenty left to learn hey thank you for watching top think and be sure to subscribe