It's a Good Idea with Angela Oberer
Protect Your Family During a Divorce Tip #206
Hi I'm Angela Oberer and this is for Janelle who writes in and says:
After 20 yrs and 2 kids, we've decided to end our marriage. We are going to tell our
kids this weekend. Any tips on how to do that without wrecking everyone's life? PS. Our
kids are 11 and 7 if that makes a difference. (Screen says: Write to us at Info at LifeLongProductions.com)
Hi Janelle, I'm sorry to hear you are getting divorced. Marriages end for so many different
reasons, and whatever your reasons are, you've decided this is the best thing for your family.
And that's the message you need to take to your kids.
A home should be a place of love, and trust, and safety, security, and refuge from the outside world.
If your home no longer represents that, then you have to do what's in the best interest of your kids.
Have you ever watched the news channel where there's a reporter standing out in a storm
just begging nature not to smack him upside the head with a tree or a telephone pole that's flying by?
And you think to yourself:
"What an idiot! Get out of the rain or you're going to get toppled over."
And he stands there getting beat around by the storm while telling you to get to safety.
Well in your divorce Janelle, you are that guy. You know a storm in your life is coming, and so do your kids.
You're not going to be telling them anything they don't know.
The storm signs are already visible. The clouds have moved in, there's lightning in your life, there's thunder and rain...
And as a protective mother, you can give them an umbrella,
but what you really need to do is pack up the car,
board up the windows and evacuate. Get your kids to safety, whatever that looks like.
If you know a storm is coming, you can prepare for it, and you can minimize the collateral damage.
Whatever you do: DO NOT POISON YOUR KIDS AGAINST YOUR HUSBAND.
Unless he's moving away or he's going to jail, he's going to be a really active part of your life.
And you need him so do your kids. DON'T MAKE THEM CHOOSE BETWEEN HIM AND YOU.
It gets super awkward when there are kids hospital visits, there are sporting events, graduations and weddings...
and you have to come back together as a family, and then there's weird energy, and hate, and vindictiveness.
Don't do that to your kids.
Tell your kids about your divorce with the love and respect that you spent together
as a family - and work together as a family to weather that separation and that divorce.
Cause, I tell you what, it will make your lives a whole lot easier, and it's a good idea.
It's a Good Idea.
Now, that's a good idea.