Hey guys,
Geoffrey here and this video I'm going to show you the number one mistake people
make when dealing with stonewalling.
And this number one mistake is something that everyone makes in my practice.
And so I want you to stay until the next video because when you can break
through and really fix the number one mistake,
then that is when you can really break through stonewalling.
And this is something that I show all my clients and what I practice myself and
if it works for me and all my clients, it will work for you as well.
Now before I begin this video,
I want to let you know that I'll be hosting a free live masterclass on the five
proven steps to rebuilding your relationship from the ground up.
So be sure to stay till the end of this video if you want in on that
masterclass. And as always,
don't forget to subscribe and be sure to click the belly button as well to be
notified when I post new videos three times every single week.
But in the meantime, let's get started.
So here's the pattern that a lot of my students go through and I'm sure you can
relate to this as well. So it begins when your partner starts stonewalling here.
So let's say you asked her a question and she just says, I don't know.
So it seems like she's just trying to skirt the question and just being
difficult right now.
And in the beginning you might still persist again and maybe ask her another
question, but yet again she would respond with, I don't know. And just again,
stonewalling you and I start doing this one.
Sometimes maybe two times or three times you finally get impatient and you say,
Oh, it's impossible. You're impossible.
And maybe you even start blaming her that she's the one making the relationship
a lot more complex than it should be.
So this pattern right here is something that you can relate to.
I want you to leave a comment below and just say that you can relate to this
because I think this is how a lot of people respond to stonewalling is that they
try to be patient maybe the first time, second time or third time.
But after a while they just give up entirely. They get mad, they get frustrated,
they get impatient. So if that's the wrong way to deal with it,
what is the right way of dealing with it? Now to set the stage for,
what am I about to say?
I want to go back to yesterday's video where we talk about the three key reasons
why people Stonewall now again, people's Stonewall now,
because they're trying to be abusive,
they're trying to be narcissistic or just trying to make it difficult for you.
They are stonewalling you for three main reasons. The lack of safety.
So they want to express their thoughts, they want to express their ideas,
but they may not feel safe doing so because you've proven to them that whenever
they express something to you that you're going to respond in a way that makes
them feel bad,
makes them feel worse or respond in a way that would lead to arguments or
escalation into arguments.
The second reason here is that there's a lack of ability when it comes to
complex problems in a relationship. It's not often easy to express it.
And I'm sure you have experienced this before where someone asked you, Hey,
what is going on in your relationship? What's the most painful problem?
There's so many painful problems that the best thing you can say is,
I don't know. I don't know what the painful problems are.
There's so many of them.
And it's the same thing with your partner here that she wants to express her
thoughts. She wants to express things with you in a very coherent way,
but she just can't because the problem has been pent up for so long that has
gotten so complex in her head. Reason number three here is the lack of desire.
So perhaps she's tried to express these things to you multiple times,
but every time she does,
she realizes that you're not going to be here to listen.
You are not here to understand and you're misunderstanding the root cause of
what she's actually trying to express to you.
And so if you understand those three reasons why people Stonewall you,
then you will understand that when you get mad, when you get impatient,
you are just perpetuating the same problem over and over and over again.
You're proving to her that you are impatient, but yes,
it is not safe for her to express her deepest thoughts in her true thoughts
because you don't have the patience for it that you may not have the patience to
uncover the complex web of things here that is bothering her because after two
or three times you've given up and you're going to perpetuate this lack of
desire because now again,
you're proving to her once again that there's really no point in trying to
express something with you because you don't have the patience for it and that
you don't understand what she's actually trying to say or are you willing to
understand what she's trying to say.
So the main takeaway here is that when people are stonewalling you,
that's resistance on your side and that resistance is caused by a defense
mechanism on her side, a defense mechanism caused by the lack of safety.
By having such a complex problem,
confused and boggle her mind or a defense mechanism caused by the fact that she
has tried explaining to you in the past,
but it may have worked out so well and whenever you meet this resistance,
the last thing you should do is to get mad. But instead,
whenever you face resistance, that's a time for you to persist.
Now the biggest question I can get at this point is how do I even stay calm?
How can you stay calm when she just stonewalling all the time and just squirting
every question that you ask her? How do you stay patient through that? Now,
if you're struggling to stay calm and patient through this process,
through this resistance,
what I want you to do is also watch my other video on what people fail to
understand about stonewalling and that video will really allow you to have more
understanding and more sympathy of what actually stonewalling is caused by.
And once you understand the root cause behind stonewalling,
you'll find that staying patient and being more understanding and a face of
stonewalling is going to become a lot more natural and much more effortless for
you as well.
And in the next video I'm going to show you the seven key techniques that you
can try yourself to battle through this resistance,
naturally breakthrough that stonewalling once and for all.
So stay tuned for that video. But for this video,
the main takeaway I want to give you is that when you're facing this resistance,
you don't want to give up, you don't want to get mad.
Instead you want to persist but you want to persist in the correct way that's
non pushy but also effective at the same time.
So stay tuned for the next video on seven key ways that you can use to actually
do that. Now,
if you're interested in a free guide that can allow you to lead conversations
and lead interactions with your partner,
that creates more safety and breakthrough stonewalling,
then you want to check out the free guide I have for you in the description box
below this video.
And if you want in the free masterclass that we talked about in the beginning of
this video on the five proven steps to rebuilding your relationship from the
ground up.
Then you also want to check out the link in the description box below this
video. Now of course, if you want to connect with me on a more personal level,
I have a free Facebook group you can join where you can ask your questions,
post your questions,
and actually get good advice or good answers from the members of the community
and myself. And if you want to join that Facebook group,
the link is also below this video. So if you found this video helpful,
I want you to like it and subscribe to this channel for more content like this
one and leave a comment below.
What did you find most insightful or most eye opening in this video?
I would love to hear from you. In the meantime, I want you to watch this.
Two other videos I have on stonewalling and this will equip you with the right
skills and knowledge to be able to deal with stonewalling and have more
compassion.
And understanding on how you can deal when you are in the face of it.
But in the meantime, I will see you in the next video.