So, now the movie completely forgets about its target demographic
and just becomes oddly self-serving.
They go to Hollywood Boulevard to check out some cool cars.
[Clip] It's the Back to the Future car!
Here's Herbie the Love Bug! And I love you!
[YMS] How is any kid watching gonna give a shit,
or even know what you're talking about at this point?
I can see the Scooby-Doo Mystery Machine right there,
and you didn't even talk about that one.
I mean, at least that show has been remade a million times in recent years,
and also it's marketed towards children.
[Clip] Good golly! Here's the red Ferrari from Magnum, P.I.! Vroom, vroom!
There's no ghosts here! And that's because the Ghostbusters car is here.
Isn't the Smokey and the Bandit car pretty?
[YMS] The next five minutes of the movie does absolutely nothing but gloat
about the fact that they're in the Hollywood Parade.
And if that doesn't sound absolutely unbearable on its own,
they decide to accompany the scene with the full song that we just heard
less than 10 minutes ago.
[Clip] ♪ Cool Cat likes to rock and roll ♪ ♪ Cool Cat likes to love and sing ♪
[crowd cheering]
You did a marvelous job, Cool Cat! All the kids loved you.
Wow! But you know what, Daddy Derek? Uh! I'm getting really tired. I could use a nap.
Oh, I tell you, I can understand you. You've done a great job. It's been a long day.
[YMS] So now, in the tradition of bad movies, they have a scene where they're just
explaining what they're going to be doing in the next scene.
[Clip] And I can't wait to see Vivica Fox, and Erik Estrada!
[YMS] Yep, you heard that right. We've got some celebrity cameos coming up.
[Clip] Did you have a chance to call Vivica to let her know
we'll be late for the cook-out?
Yes. Vivica said any time is great for the kids, and I'll be ready in a couple of minutes.
Yeah, I'll bet you will, you fine-looking kitty cat, you.
Hush up!
[YMS] Hurgh!
[Clip] Okay, honey. Hey, I'll be back in a couple of minutes to pick you up.
[YMS] So instead of waiting a couple of minutes for Momma Cat to get ready,
he's dropping off Cool Cat so he can come back directly after
and pick her up to take her to the same destination.
Why don't you just wait a couple of minutes for her?
I guess they needed an excuse to not have Daddy Derek or Momma Cat in the next scene.
[Clip] Wow, Vivica! It's such a beautiful day.
Oh, it sure is, Erik. And where is Cool Cat?
[slowed down] There he is!
[YMS] Okay, so I think it's pretty obvious neither of them
are taking this very seriously at all. And who blames them?
Were they actually hired? Or maybe they're just friends of Derek.
Like, maybe they were just having a normal barbecue,
and Derek got them really drunk, and was like,
"Hey, you wanna be in my Cool Cat movie? I've got the costume here. And a camera!"
I mean, they do seem a little drunk.
[Clip, slowed down] There he is!
[YMS] So, if you're wondering who these two Hollywood actors are,
Erik Estrada is most famous for his role in the 1970s show, CHiPs.
Vivica A. Fox was recently in Sharknado 2, but her role as Vernita Green/Copperhead
in Kill Bill makes me feel as though she's actually got a decent amount of talent.
With the right role, she's actually pretty great!
Even if it doesn't necessarily show in her more recent films.
So, now Cool Cat and Maria are building a sand castle,
and Butch the Bully just strolls onto private property.
[Clip] Hey, who's that kid?
I don't know. Probably one of Cool Cat's friends.
Oh, no. I don't think so, Vivica.
[YMS] Why would you say that?
Maybe he's read one too many Cool Cat books, and thinks that only
chubby people can be bullies.
[Clip] All of Cool Cat's friends are cool. That kid looks like he's up to trouble.
Hm...
He'd better not be a bully, because I don't like bullies.
[YMS] Okay, let me take a wild guess here and assume that, in reality, the sandbox
is not directly in front of them. Vivica A. Fox seems to think that
the sandbox is to her right, and Erik Estrada seems to think
that the sandbox is the camera. Unless he really is that trashed.
[Clip, slowed down] There he is!
- I don't like this sand castle! So, take this! - No!
[YMS] Where the fuck were those eyelids when you needed them?
[Vivica gasps]
Did you see that? That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat's face!
And Maria is crying!
[YMS] "Let's not intervene."
[Clip] Did you see that? That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat's face!
[repeating] That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat's face!
[repeating] That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat's face! ♪ (Cold World - Stupeflip) ♪
[gradually slowed down] There he is! [repeating] That kid kicked sand in Cool Cat's face! ♪ (Cold World - Stupeflip) ♪
Why do you want to be a bully? Bullies never have any friends.
[YMS] Did you hear that absolute statement? Bullies never have any friends.
So, finally, these two get up from their comfy seats
and Butch the Bully runs away.
[Clip] I got scared, and became confused!
Oh, it's okay, Cool Cat. People used to pick on me.
And then I learned how to react.
Would you both like to hear what Vivica did?
[YMS] Would you like to show some more teeth?
[Clip] I have a story. One time, a bully was picking on me.
And they said some terrible things. And none of it was true!
Then, they posted it on the Internet!
Oh, no! They put lies on the internet?
You really think someone would do that? Just go on the Internet and tell lies?
How did that make you feel? Were you sad that there was a bully picking on you?
It made me cry! I was so sad, because... I didn't know how to stop the bully!
So, I told my parents, and that made me feel better.
[YMS] FInally, some decent advice! And it didn't even come from Cool Cat!
So, Vivica A. Fox and Erik Estrada go back to their drinks.
But, uh-oh! It looks like Butch's back for more!
[Clip] I can't believe it! That bully's back for more!
We're not scared of you anymore! So you'd better quit bullying us!
Yeah! And you'd better stop right now!
I'm gonna tell my mom you yelled at me!
I love you! And I had so much fun playing with you!
Let's all be friends! And, together, we can stop bullying!
Yay!
[YMS] Guys, we did it! We solved bullying!
Think the movie's over? Nope!
[Clip] Wow! The mailman...
must've left one of Daddy Derek's entertainment magazines!
[YMS] That's unsettling. So it's from this magazine
that Cool Cat learns about a writing contest.
[Clip] The first price is a hundred dollars! [laughs]
Wow! One hundred dollars? That's a lot of money!
I wanna enter this contest! And so does your mommy!
My, oh my, oh my! I can have my hair done
at the beauty parlor with a hundred dollars!
No, no, no! It's for kids only! That means I get to enter, and you don't!
But, you can help me!
[YMS] God, Cool Cat! Why do you have to be such an asshole?
[Clip] Well, first, Cool Cat, you need to think about something that you like,
that you have a passion for. Start right there...
[YMS] So, now Cool Cat is writing "Trolly the Trout".
[Clip, singing] "Trolly the Trout"!
But... what's he gonna do?
[YMS] So, Derek Savage wrote a character to write a book he wrote.
This's getting pretty meta. Bravo, Savage.
So, Cool Cat gets writer's block and, to help him, he decides to exercise.
If you didn't feel bad for the dude in the suit already, now's your chance.
[Clip] Ooh! I just figured out what to write! Ooh! Trolly the Trout swims upstream,
and Trolly the Trout makes a lot of friends!
He's making a lot of friends! It's super great! Yay!
[YMS] Man, it sure is awesome to not be a person with no friends.
So, now Daddy Derek tells him it's getting close to bedtime.
[Clip] This is my best story yet! And you know what?
I think it's some of my best work!
Wow, hey, very interesting! Would you like to tell me about it now or later?
[slowed down] Ooh! Later! 'Cause... I'm not finished with it yet!
[YMS] So, now he decides to draw the cover for his book,
and he can't help but drop shit everywhere.
Cool Cat decides to go to sleep. Again.
I don't know where this animation came from, but it's clearly reversed.
It looks a lot better when the zeds are going out of the mouth,
than not back into the mouth.
Either way, this animation would fucking terrify me if I were a child.
I know this because I am not a child, and I'm already terrified.
"Heh, heh-heh, heh! Mmmh!"
He wakes up and grabs his pen and paper. And knocks more shit over.
[Clip] Oh, wow! It's such a beautiful day! And I love to have fun on a beautiful day!
What should I do?
I know! I'll do my exercises!
Jumping jacks!
[YMS] It's such a beautiful day outside! Let's exercise inside.
So, from this point on, it seems as though the left and right audio channels
and the background music somehow got out of sync.
Like, not just for this song coming up, but for almost every song
up until the end of the movie. And I guess just nobody noticed?
[Clip] Time to brush those teeth!
♪ (mellow background music) ♪
Looking good!
Good morning!
Hey, Cool Cat! I hope you're hungry, 'cause we made something tasty!
That's right, honey-child!
[YMS] "Honey-child". Hey, look! The line's back!
[Clip] That smells yummy! Thanks! [laughs]
- I hope I get a plate of that! - Oh, hush up!
What? I'm just saying, it's looking good!
[YMS] Remember: this movie becomes a lot more logical,
and a lot more entertaining, when you view them
as extreme furry roleplay enthusiasts.
[Clip] I'm finished! And that was great! Now I'm gonna go outside and play!
Hold on! That was quick! Did you eat enough for breakfast?
Yes, ma'am.
Okay. What do you say?
Thanks, Mommy and Daddy!
Oh, that Cool Cat's something else!
That's an understatem...
Come on, honey, I'll help you clean up here.
Yeah, that's a good one.
Here's one!
Let me help you right there!
[Momma Cat giggles]
- We call this teamwork! - Oh, I love teamwork!
[Boombox playing]
[laughs] Cool Cat loves to boogie-woogie!
[YMS] So, now this kid comes over to show Cool Cat his fucking bouncy ball,
like it's the coolest thing ever.
[Clip] What's it made of?
I don't know. I guess some type of rubber.
Hey, check this out! It even bounces off your foot!
[YMS] Apparently not very well. Oh, shit!
[Clip] - I wonder if Mikey sees that car! - I hope he does!
[YMS] So, instead of immediately asking Mikey if he sees the car, you talk amongst yourselves?
[Clip] Watch out, Mikey! There's a car!
[YMS] So, this kid nearly escapes the sweet embrace of death,
and Cool Cat leaves him with a valuable lesson.
[Clip] Wow, that was close! Thanks for warning me about that car.
It's okay. But always look both ways before crossing a street!
[YMS] And then, they hear something on the radio.
[Clip] This is a special news report. Kids beware!
There's been several robberies. Bad guys are stealing candy from babies.
That's horrible! I love babies!
This is another kid alert. The candy thief has struck again.
All the kids are crying.
Please, help me! A bully just took my candy! And my school books! Now I have nothing to read!
Help! A bully just stole my candy, and he's right there!
[laughs]
I'm Cool Cat, and I'm gonna protect the kids!
[YMS] Yeah, that's right. Run across the street without looking both ways first.
[Clip] Always look both ways before crossing a street!
[YMS] It's okay, as long as you're trying to enforce vigilante justice.
[Clip] It's Cool Cat! And he's fast! I better run!
[laughs] The candy will trip him and he'll fall flat on his face!
Oof! Oh, no! The cops!
What are you doing, kid?
[YMS] I love how this officer shows up to a small child being chased down the street
by a man in a cat costume, and he arrests the child immediately.
"I dunno, I gotta fill my arrest quota somehow."
You are hereby under arrest for having no friends.
[Clip] Thank you for your help, Cool Cat. That was very heroic.
That was so brave! You are our hero, Cool Cat!
You did the right thing by helping those kids. I'm proud of you.
Yeah, we are, too.
That's great! But what game we gonna play?
- I know! - Who's got a suggestion?
I know! Let's play treasure hunters!
[YMS] Eh, maybe you should go home.
I'm not sure playing treasure hunter with Cool Cat's such a good idea.
[Clip] I think every kid has something special inside of them.
They just... have to discover what it is!
Okay, slow down here, treasure hunters.
The first thing you're gonna find is a healthy lunch waiting for you in the kitchen.
Momma Cat's waiting for you, so let's get on inside, guys.
[YMS] So, they all go inside to eat lunch.
Could've fucking sworn you had breakfast exactly 6 minutes ago.
Oh my God, Cool Cat! What happened to your knees?
[Clip] This is a special kids report. The candy crook has been released.
There's a lack of evidence because the crook ate all the candy.
So, the police were forced to let him go.
[YMS] Looks like the conflict's not over just yet!
[Clip] Don't worry, Mrs Cat. We'll be right outside.
Yeah, let's go play treasure hunters!
[slowed down] That sounds like fun! Let's go! [laughs]
[YMS] So, now they're dicking around in the back yard.
[Clip] Look over there! I see something shiny! I wonder what it is!
Oh, no! It's a gun! And it looks like a real one!
It is a real gun! I saw the policeman's one before!
The first thing we need to do is to stay calm. And don't touch it.
Then, we should tell our parents or teachers about it.
Cool Cat is correct!
[YMS] You know, in terms of gun safety,
this isn't actually a bad lesson to teach your children.
I mean, just recently there was an independently-funded anti-gun ad
posted online by Sleeper 13 Productions. And, I shit you not, they act as though
kids should steal their parents' guns from their homes, bring them to school,
and then give them to their teachers.
[Clip] Can you take this away? I don't feel safe with the gun in my house.
[YMS] Common sense? Apparently not as common as you'd think.
So, thank you, Cool Cat, for at least teaching kids that you shouldn't fucking touch them.
Even if it does get a little hilarious.
[Clip] There's a gun over there! I can bring it to school and take
everyone's lunch money! It's going to be fat time for me! [laughs]
[YMS] "It's going to be fat time for me"? Really?
I'm starting to think that an overweight bully picked on Derek when he was younger.
[Clip] I just saw Butch the Bully take the gun! What should we do?
I saw Butch the Bully take the gun!
- What should we do? - Yeah, I'm scared.
What's your advice, Mister Derek?
My advice is everybody should go home so I have a chance to contact Butch's parents.
And tell your parents what happened. They can call me if they have any questions.
Plus, I'll be taking you kids to school tomorrow. Okay?
Yes, sir. Thank you. See you in the morning.
- Bye, Cool Cat. - Bye, guys! See you later!
Come on, Cool Cat. Let's go home. Come on. Let's go to Momma Cat.
[YMS] So, there's a crazy kid with a gun, who's been known to steal candy from babies,
and he even has an arrest record.
"Yeah, you kids go home by yourselves. I just can't use the phone without privacy!"
So, he calls up Butch's dad, and he's like,
[Clip] Even though I'm sure you're mistaken, I'll look into it here.
Hey, thanks, James. Take care.
[YMS] So, now it's night-time again, and hey, you didn't reverse the animation this time.
Also, what the fuck? No Comic Sans?
Those audio channels could still use some work, though.
♪ (upbeat acoustic music) ♪
[Clip] Hey, Cool Cat!
[grunting and groaning]
♪ (dramatic music) ♪
Oh, no! There's Butch the Bully, and he's got the gun!
- And he's showing it to that kid! - Oh, no! What should we do?
Okay, kids, come on. Let's get inside the school.
They'll help us. They'll call the police.
[YMS] So, you see a kid holding a gun at the school,
and your decision is to go to the school.
Not go home and call them from your phone?
Maybe you shouldn't have told your parents if they're just gonna lead you closer to danger.
So, some time passes, and it looks as though all they were actually doing with the gun
was just holding it and looking at it.
"Heh-heh-heh, let's stand outside here with a gun! Let's show the world who the real bad-asses are!"
- Oh, no! It's the police! - Freeze!
We're in trouble! Oh, my mama is gonna whoop me!
Shut it, bone-head!
Put the gun down. Put the gun down, right now.
- Do what the says, Butch! Don't be stupid! - Put the gun down.
Darn, they got me again! Ugh!
[sounds of scuffle] Alright... Get back into the car here...
[YMS] "Stop resisting!"
♪ (cheerful music) ♪
[Clip] Look! The problem is over!
[YMS] Well, anyway, it looks like the day is saved.
And, later in that day...
Cool Cat has finally become school president! Yay!
Also, he won the writing contest! Yay!
And now, this kid comes back and apologizes.
[Clip] My mama got me out, and she spanked my butt!
Oh, man! I learned my lesson!
There's just so much junk going on nowadays, it's hard for kids to know what to do.
Well, see, that's why I think kids just need to follow their heart.
[YMS] Well, the bully's heart told him to steal candy from babies, so...
[Clip] I've thought long and hard about this, and, with cyber-bullying, you kind of...
can't really stop it, if you don't know who it's coming from.
But, my best advice: just ignore 'em!
Yeah! They're the losers for trying to cyber-bully us,
so don't lower your standards by playing their stupid game.
In other words, don't let them punk you into playing their game.
And that's right, and that's fantastic advice!
- Yeah! - Yeah!
[YMS] The end.
♪ (Bitch Please - Death Grips) ♪
[Clip] And remember, if a bully picks on you, you better tell 'em, say,
"Hey, quit bullying me, 'cause I'm friends with Cool Cat, and Cool Cat is always on my side!"
I tell you, that's great advice.
Hi, I'm Chief Scott LaChasse of the Burbank Police Department.
School safety is extremely important to everyone. Guns can be dangerous.
And kids should never bring guns to school. That's not cool.
Hi. I'm Eric Roberts. I play both the tough guy and the cool guy
in a lot of Hollywood movies and TV shows.
But there's nothing tough, there's nothing cool about taking a gun to school.
[YMS] Well, there you have it. Now I can finish up that other review.
Even if we completely ignore everything in the film that could be attributed
to budgetary issues, like, if you didn't give a shit
about anything except trying to teach kids morality,
is it not fair criticism to call the movie out on its failure to deliver those morals?
If you're gonna have Cool Cat say to look both ways before crossing,
you might not want to show him darting into the middle of the fucking road
less than two minutes after saying it.
More importantly, you shouldn't teach kids that it's okay to go closer to a gun threat.
In all honesty, Derek Savage seems like a nice guy who's trying to do the right thing.
There's a certain level of innocence that goes along with everything in this film
that's unintentionally awkward and hilarious. But how could I not review this film?
I've been quoting the film on my gaming channel since I saw the trailer.
[Clip] - Ah, there you are! - There he is!
And you can't deny how hilarious Cool Cat is. I can't help but just see a grown man
in a cat suit who has no volume control. And seriously, you cannot put your character
in front of a green screen and expect nothing to happen.
Hopefully, this review has, at least, exposed Cool Cat to a new audience.
And although I'm not sure this is the target audience Derek Savage had in mind,
maybe you guys could help him out by buying some of his merchandise.
I, for one, think it would be pretty hilarious to see a bunch of people in public
wearing Cool Cat shirts.
And if I saw somebody doing that, I'd say,
[Clip] There he is!
[YMS] Anyway, this guy is clearly comically misguided artistically,
and when you live in a Hollywood bubble, sometimes it's difficult to be able to view
your own work objectively. But, at least, I thought it was funny.
So, hopefully, this is successful enough for him to make a sequel.
Maybe we could get the first movie on Netflix or something.
And, maybe then, Cool Cat will finally be able to spread his love over every child in America.
[Clip] If there's anything else you want to tell us about why you're here,
and what you've been doing, we'd like to hear it.
If not, you're clearly free to walk out the door. You can go.
Awesome! Bye-bye! I have to go to the bathroom first! [laughs]
Wow! That was fast! That was sca-ary!
Oh, no!
[YMS] Hey, guys. I just wanted to say, oh God, look at those names
coming up from the bottom of the screen. Oh, Jesus. They're so unexpected.
The only way I could see this getting any better
is if there were more names scrolling up from the screen.
Go to my Patreon page. You'll figure it out.
Also, I have a Twitch partnership now. Fuck yeah, custom emotes,
and also, fuck yeah, transcoding, which means that anybody who wasn't able
to watch before, because it would lag or something, now you're able to watch it.
You can just, just decide what quality you want to watch,
and it doesn't have to be the source quality.
Uh, come check it out. I do it every Sunday.
Also, some of you guys... I see some comments every once in a while
just wondering where things are, like, "Where is part two of Cool Cat?"
"When is this coming out, when is this coming out?"
Uh, I keep people pretty up-to-date on my Twitter, so, follow me on Twitter
if you want to be kept the most up-to-date out of everybody.
'Cause that's the first place I'll post it. It's Twitter.
So, you should... if you're concerned about when things are coming out,
and, et cetera, et cetera, and yeah, I mean, even though I try to project far ahead
when things will be out, it doesn't always happen on time,
because these things take a long fucking time to make.
I'm supposed to be somewhere else right now. There's a cool fucking thing happening right now,
and all my friends are there, but I'm doing this right now,
because I'm trying to meet my deadline.
So, I appreciate you guys' patience. Thank you all, all my Patreons,
thank you everybody supporting, sharing, everything. Everything!
Uh, that's pretty much all I have to say. Uh, Cool Cat loves you, and, uh...
[Subtitles by Jokerine] http://www.nexusmods.com/games/users/2543917/?