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Okay storytime...
What’s the dumbest thing a drunk friend has done?
Dumb, but funny.
Had a friend with a prosthetic leg, only he never told anyone about it who didn't already
know.
He always waited until a party was going well into the night and everyone (including himself)
was plenty drunk.
He'd then produce a large knife and get everyone's attention before plunging the blade into his
leg.
He'd then throw his head back and scream in (fake) pain.Often times, people would scream
in terror and go running out the front door.
Everyone who knew him and were familiar with his antics, would merely roll their eyes and
ignore him.
It was a funny prank, but a dumb one because sometimes the cops were called and an ambulance
would show up.
Cops and paramedics were never amused.
He punched a horse...a police horse...with the cop still on it...at Mardi Gras in New
Orleans.
He spent some time in jail for that one.
I had a friend in high school who got naked every time he got drunk.
As soon as Jim was naked we knew the party was over.Edit: his name was actually frank!Edit
2: I texted my old boyfriend of 35 years ago and he reminded me his nickname was Wolfie
A guy I knew in college came to a Halloween party on roller skates and got absolutely
plastered, and proceeded to roller skate up and down the stairs.
This ended predictably to everyone but him, and he fell and got hurt.
Due to the anesthetic effects of being super-drunk, however, no one realized how badly he was
hurt.
He passed out in the living room, and proceeded to pee all over the floor in the middle of
the night because he couldn’t walk to the bathroom.
Turns out his leg was broken in 2 places.I also just mentioned in a “bad roommates”
thread about a girl I knew in college who stole someone’s cat while drunk and hid
it in our campus housing apartment.
Drunk friend was relieving himself in a bush.
Someone tapped him on the back.
He turned round, still continuing to pee, to find himself face to face with a policeman.
Poor cop had pee all down his leg, but saw the funny side.
My friend claims he was abducted by aliens one night on his way home from a local festival.In
reality, he drank way too much Guinness, tried to ride his bicycle home up the steepest hill
in town, and blacked out in the process.It was 5 years ago.
We just argued about it, again, this weekend...
One of my favorite drunk memories was when I was probably 17 and we were drinking in
a friend's basement and as everyone was going to bed one of the people there kept complaining
about how uncomfortable their blanket was.
In the morning we discovered he had been using one of those big rubber bottomed rugs (like
the kind you would put in a laundry room or something).
He was also literally feet from a stack of blankets.
One drunk friend was making out with a girl at a party on the couch, and turned away for
a moment to talk to somebody, and turned back to start kissing again only to realize he
was kissing another drunk friend, also a guy, who had stuck his head in the way of the girls....
My friend was woke up one morning to the doorbell.
There was a delivery guy holding a massive package.
Turns out he got wasted and went mad on Ebay.
He took it in and opened it.
It was a front bumper for a Ford Focus.He didn't have a car.
One of the guys a group of us were with at the bar in an upscale restaurant got carried
away and - in a full voice, so all could hear - said:"A round of drinks for everyone in
the room is on me!"Around 35 people ordered free drinks on him (the bartender put it on
his tab).
But when the bill eventually came, the guy had no money - no wallet.
He had left it home.So the rest of us were stuck with a hefty bill because lots of people
ordered the most expensive drinks available (single malt Scotch, etc.)
So what stupid drunk thing did you do last night OP, in the hopes that some stories here
will make you feel better about what you did?
This happened in high school.
We were roommates.
The guy entered the room heavily drunk and crashed into his bed.
He woke up about half an hour later, knocked at the door from the inside three times and
after a long pause, said " Who's there?"
I knew a guy who got blind drunk and passed out in the top bunk of his dorm room.
Then in the middle of the night, climbs down and pisses on his roommate.
This happened two separate times.
He was a freshman and didn't know his roommate very well.
We were out at some bars.
Friend got annoyed and started to walk home, leaving his coat/hat/gloves at the bar.
This wouldn’t have been a problem except it was January in Minnesota and it was -10.
I am shocked he didn’t get frostbite.
Same friend also got blasted at a wedding we were at and hopped the fence to the zoo
adjacent to the park the reception was at.
He did not get attacked by any animals.
He has since stopped drinking.Two other friends decided to tag-team wrestle our furniture
and flipped a couch with people on it.
They did a leaping high-five to celebrate and one of the guys landed wrong and broke
his foot.
This was a week before our undergrad graduation.
He had to walk across the stage on crutches.
Amazingly, he didn’t even know it was broken until the next day.
Having a broken foot didn’t stop him from leaving our house to go pee on a dorm he particularly
disliked.Oh, and another friend, who is Indian, once got annoyed that he couldn’t get up
to the bar to order and told the guy in front of him he going to declare a jihad on the
guy’s family if he didn’t get out of the way.My friends tend to be idiots when drunk.
Traffic was stopped after a college basketball game so he decided to get out of his car and
chat with a cop who was there keeping an eye on the crowds leaving the arena, she arrested
him for DUI.
Homecoming at my college, a cop car was driving slowly down the main street and a drunk guy
thought it would be funny if he leapt out in front of the car and slammed himself on
the hood like he got run over.
Got slammed on the hood again by the cop as he was being arrested
Oh and that same weekend an acquaintance drunkenly stole plates from the dining hall and was
tackled by cops when he threw the plates at them like weaponized frisbees while he ran
away
Years ago, my housemate had a friend over who got so drunk that he wandered outside,
forgot which house was ours and broke into the neighbors house.
I was the friend.
I visited some college buddies for the weekend.
After a night at the bars, we were drunkenly devouring pizza in their apartment.
A Ron Popeil commercial flashed across the TV screen, advertising the latest Ronco gadget:
a food dehydrator.
I picked up the phone and ordered one for everyone in the room, eight total.
I even attempted to ask the nice customer sales lady on the other end out for a date.
I did not get the date, but we did get our food dehydrators (and I got a $450 bill).
We've never opened them - instead, we exchange them every Christmas.
Jumped off a roof onto a trampoline.
Missed the trampoline, foot went partially through the gap between the springs, broke
leg just above the ankle
we thought we lost a friend after clubbing one night, we were at ihop and he just disappeared,
after an hour of searching we called the police, they search for a while and one of the employees
found are friend in the dumpster out back... dead..... asleep
Stood on the table at Steak n' Shake, loudly declaring we were all her ducklings and the
only way she would agree to leave was if we all followed momma duck out of the restaurant,
quacking.We did.
Being way too drunk to drive, his girlfriend drove after a party.
He had designated parking spaces at his apartment and when he didn't see his car, he started
crying hysterically that his car was stolen.The car he was in at the time.Then he cried even
harder for being dumb.It was me by the way.
I'm the drunken dumbass.
Not a friend but some guy who used to hang around us when we were teenagers.
Kept saying he could smash some wire reinforced glass window with his head.
After telling him how stupid it was enough times, someone said ‘go on then’.
He ran at it and rammed his head through it and when he pulled his head back out, left
half his face amongst the wire and glass.
Pretty gruesome really.
Where to start...Got run over by a stationary car.
We were out for New Year's Eve drinks and it had been snowing.
He decided to run and kick a small snowdrift in the road.
He slipped, his legs went under the front of a parked car and his face smacked into
the radiator grills.Picked a drunken fight with a locked door.
Walked into a door and it didn't move.
Cue five minutes of "you wot mate" and "you wanna start?".Drunk texted his psycho ex for
a booty call.
Probably the dumbest thing anyone has ever done, ever, drunk or not.
A bunch of us were walking back to our cars when one upfront hops into the back seat of
a car.
Not one of ours, but with a couple in the front seat.
The woman calmly says ...sir you need to leave.
Funny as hell.
I know a girl who went streaking and passed out naked while drunk.
Nobody saw or found her, but she could've wound up in a ton of bad situations.
Vomited all over his sisters new car inside passenger door and seat.
Did a Mickey Mouse job cleaning it up and blamed it on me.2 weeks later after the smell
was unbearable he went and got it professionally cleaned for $100 and then fessed up to his
sister that it was him.
Two friends.
They made a bet on who could swim the farthest under water.
Long story short, they both went under and did not come back up.
Two of the entourage were EMTs and another was an Olympic swimmer.
If those 3 people were not there all would have perished.
put a whole brick of cheese (in the plastic still) in the toaster oven turned it on and
then went to bed
Retrieved a beer couzie that fell in a port-a-Jon.Ate food out of the trash can with the Constanza
excuse that it was “on the top.”
Same friend.
Had a friend that (thanks to stella artois) would get aggressive and start fights most
nights.
The last time we were out, he was walking past some bouncers with a cone on his head,
a bouncer took it off his head and told him to behave.
My friend squared up to the bouncer, but the bouncer laughed it off and ignored him.
We walk around the corner and friend says "fucking knob, gonna knock him out".
We attempt to talk him out of it, but he ignores us and storms off and pushes the (wrong) bouncer
in the back sending him flying.
Another bouncer then unleashes 2 almighty punches to friends face, who then proceeds
to fall backwards against a metal shutter and slide down it like in a film making a
dud dud dud sound.
After we plead with the bouncers to not beat him up, we get him in a taxi where he starts
crying because his girlfriend would be mad his lip is split open and his face will be
bruised for Christmas day at her parents house the next day.It's been 20 years and I have
not missed him.
My best friend got drunk with his wife and her coworker, who happened to be staying at
their house during a rough patch for about a week.
Wife went to bed, coworker and best friend wind up copulating as you'd expect.The next
day he calls me still drunk in bewilderment that he did that.
I told him "Fess up or shut up" but whatever you do...don't try it again.
He and his wife hadn't been intimate in months rather.
The coworker was cool about everything the first day, nothing was said, no innuendos,
no hint anything was a mist.
That is until my friend touched her thigh, to which she responded "never again" and brushed
his hand away.Well as you'd expect, he got drunk again and thought he was good go and
went for it.
She slapped the shit out of him and told his wife.
And found somewhere else to stay later that week.The wife did not take it well.
This was years ago, they are still married.Tl;Dr: I'm convinced my best friend and his wife
cheat on each other for attention or they're ninja swingers.
Not a funny story.
Drove drunk killed a twin brother in an accident, hurt the other, and hurt another friend.
Car literally got torn in half.
Friend was pretty much shunned.
Almost committed suicide.
Was messy for all parties and we lost a friend.
Not cool.The Funny one, another friend threw up into a HVAC central heating vent at a house
party.
No one knew, he didn't tell anyone till it got cold and they started using the heat.
Holy FUCK did it stink.
I ran the sink for a second to wash my hands off (we were painting, i don’t even know
where he got alcohol) and he said “ooh, water!” and proceeded to slam his face on
the faucet.
He’s got a scar now.
Slept next to a drunk radiator and “cooked” his shoulder without knowing until waking
up
Someone I know tried to prove that he can drive a sports bike on a straight road with
his eyes closed when he was extremely drunk.
He drove off the road at a high speed and crashed into a giant boulder.
The bike was smashed to bits and he was very badly injured.
I visited him at the hospital and it looked like his body was mummified!
He has a giant scar on his face from the accident.
My friend once downed like 8 Heinekens and drove straight into my neighbors porch at
10 PM.
Not really that dumb.
She nearly choked on her chicken nuggets when we were waiting for the bathroom and then
proceeded to cry telling me how much she loved me and chicken nuggets.
Kinda heartwarming that she loves me as much as chicken nuggets.
Cuz that girl LOVES her chicken nuggets.
He drank hand sanitizer thinking it was 99% alcohol.
The label stated that it "Kills 99% of germs and bacteria", He misread the label.Long story
short, he had to go
to the hospital...