Hi.
In this video, we're going to talk about seven compliments
that drive men wild.
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Hi, ladies.
Mat Shaffer, your empowerment connection and relationship coach here.
I'm a former attorney who's committed his life to supporting you
in creating the sort of fun, fulfilling, dynamic connections and relationships
with men that you are so worthy of.
I'm super excited about today's topic.
We're going to be unpacking seven powerful compliments you can use
to light a man up and deepen your connection with him
no matter what stage of relationship you may be in.
I do this stuff with my clients and students all the time, and it is a lot of fun.
Before we dig into it, take a second, hit that little Subscribe button.
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Also, be sure to click the link in the comments and caption.
I've created some great content that's going to make a huge difference
in your connections and relationships with men.
Ladies, as we dive into this stuff, take a second
and sound off in the comments.
Let me know what have been the best compliments
you've ever given a man.
What does your man love to hear from you?
Sometimes some of the greatest takeaways for people
that are watching these videos are what's happening in the comments.
I want to start off by sharing a few reasons that compliments
are so important to men.
The first is-- and honestly, men are starved for them.
Truly, we understand as the masculine that it's important for us to compliment
and honor and acknowledge the feminine, but for the most part,
we've oftentimes disconnected from how beautiful it feels
to be complimented ourselves, right?
It's something that men oftentimes | aren't even expecting anymore,
which is why it's so powerful when you do do it because men,
we have our own insecurities, we have our own struggles
that we're going through, and compliments can often really help us with that.
The second reason compliments are so important
is that they create balance in relational communication.
Think about it; doesn't it seem like whenever we're having
a positive conversation with someone that we're dating,
that oftentimes it's a very surface-level conversation?
Like, we're talking about how great the weather is,
or our day at work, and something good that may have happened.
It's very surfacey, and when we do get vulnerable,
it's often just to complain or to criticize our partner for something
they're doing that's driving us nuts.
"Gary, this is the fifth time I've asked you to take out the garbage.
Why won't you just listen to me?
You're making me feel like I'm not important.
I'm losing my marbles, Gary."
I'm not saying you can't have those conversations
or be critical of your partner when it's justified,
but you do want to balance it out with authentic compliments
so that a man just doesn't start equating vulnerability with pain.
If he does that he's going to have a really hard time opening up to you.
The third reason compliments are so important is that they create
a bridge of understanding and vulnerability between you and your partner.
A principle to remember here is that every relationship is a mirror
where you and your partner are reflecting back aspects of each other
to each other.
I want you to ask yourself what aspects of your partner
are you reflecting back to him through the way that you communicate with him?
Because just as criticism reflects back to your partner the things
that he probably needs to work on, compliments can actually reflect back
to him his own greatness.
The reasons that he's such a high-valued part of your life.
It's a great way to remind him of the places where he truly shines.
For example, if I'm dating someone, I love complimenting them because
I love reflecting back to them the beauty and the strength and the grace
that maybe they don't fully see for themselves
or they're taking for granted.
Before we dive into our big seven compliments,
I want to share a few final tips.
The first is the basic compliment formula, okay?
You can apply this to any compliment that you want to give a guy.
The way to give a great compliment is to take some aspect of your partner.
Some way that he's being, something that he's doing,
and you want to connect it to a PPFS; a positive personal feeling statement.
The rule here is that men who are invested in you are activated
and inspired by the impact that they're having on your mind,
body, and heart.
When you give them a compliment that reinforces that,
it's going to drive them nuts.
The last and maybe the most important compliment tip
I'm going to give you is to always be authentic and genuine
in your compliments and in the timing of them, okay?
Here's the thing, men are much more intuitive, I think,
than a lot of women give them credit for.
If we feel that a compliment that you're giving us
comes with an agenda, or maybe it feels a little bit like a manipulation,
like you don't really mean it, it's actually going to do the opposite
of build the trust and vulnerability that you want.
It's going to actually make him trust you less and put his walls up further,
and you want him to really believe and receive your compliments.
Does that make sense?
Say it with me now ladies, "Believe and receive."
Now let's dive into those seven great compliments you can give a guy,
why they're important,
and when is the best time to give them to him.
The first one is,
"I'm so proud to be with you."
Now, why is this such a great compliment for a guy?
Well, first off, think about it.
It's going to be tremendously empowering, and really creating security
for him in your relationship, to hear how proud
you are to be in that relationship.
It's a very stabilizing force, and you want to remember that.
Emotional stability and emotional safety is a key thing
that men are craving from women.
Secondly, it creates intimacy.
It lets them know that you're just not going through the motions.
It's not just okay that y'all are together, you're actually happy of it,
and you want everybody to know it.
What are some good times to use this compliment?
Well, the first one would be if you're getting ready to go to a party
or go out on the town, |or just be out in a social environment.
As you're getting ready to head out the door,
hook your arm around his and tell him that.
Tell him how proud you are to be with him, and that's really going
to fill him up and give him some extra confidence as you two
go out into the world together.
Another great time to use that compliment is if he seems a little deflated.
Say, maybe he's had a hard day at work, and you can sense maybe
he's feeling a little insecure or jittery, just telling him that you're so proud
to be with him could really help reinflate his sense of self.
Now, the second compliment is more of a category,
but I'm going to give you some examples.
It's compliments about specific aspects of his looks or appearance.
Now, let me share some great examples of this sort of compliment.
[background music] "Your arms are so sexy." I love that one.
"I love the way your hair curls around your ears.
Those ocean blue eyes just light me up."
I know these seem obvious, ladies, but why are they so powerful?
The first reason is that men are dealing with a lot of our own
physical insecurities, so when a woman acknowledges
our appearance it actually makes us feel really good.
Second reason is that even if a man does feel pretty good
about himself, a lot of times he has blind spots for those aspects
of his appearance that are really sexy to you.
When you bring those to his attention, it will really help boost
his self-esteem and deepen y'all's connection.
Don't be shy ladies.
If he's got a nice booty, tell him so because he probably doesn't know.
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A third great compliment to tell a guy is,
"You make me feel so beautiful."
Why is this one so great?
Because it's letting him know that just by his very presence in your life,
not by even him doing anything in particular,
that he's having a profound impact on you.
[sings] "You are so beautiful to me."
What are some great times to use this compliment?
Well, first one is if you ever catch him sneakily checking you out,
giving you a little up and down, tell him that.
Let him know, smile, and tell him how beautiful
it makes you feel when he does that.
He'll love it.
Another great time to use this compliment
is during or after getting physical with him.
This is a perfect pillow talk compliment
that's really going to make him feel good about his performance.
The fourth great compliment to share with a guy is that
"Time melts away when I'm with you."
Why is this one so good?
Because it really speaks to the depth of your connection,
and how much you lose yourself in it when you two are together.
That is a huge turn-on to a man who's emotionally invested in you.
I've had several relationships
like these in my own life, where literally when we would get connected
and time would just stop, all of a sudden I'd look up at the clock
and three or four hours would have passed.
It's just a remarkable experience to have with somebody.
If you're sharing moments like that with somebody,
it is the perfect time to acknowledge him for that.
Don't be afraid to recognize the magic that you're creating with him.
It's really going to light him up.
The fifth great compliment to tell a guy is,
"You always know how to make me smile,"
or it's hilarious cousin,
"You always know how to make me laugh."
This compliment is so great because it shows that he has the key
to your heart and your funny bone, which is incredibly empowering
and a huge turn-on to guys.
Saying "always" with that compliment really helps build emotional safety
with him, which is something that men are consciously
or unconsciously craving from you all the time.
The best time to use this compliment is right after he says
or does something really sweet or really funny.
You want to acknowledge and validate that behavior immediately,
which is going to make a powerful invitation for him to do it again.
I absolutelylove it when a woman that I"m dating tells me
that she can't get enough of my humor or my jokes or anything like that.
It just makes me want to just keep giving her more.
Men are like that.
We love making you happy, we love making you laugh,
and when you can encourage us to do that we're going to give you
as much of it as you can handle.
The sixth compliment that will make a man melt is, again,
another category where I'm going to give you some examples.
It's a compliment about how what he's doing is turning you on
or impacting you physically.
These ones are always a good idea.
Some examples of this would be,
[background music] "Your touch makes me shiver.
Just seeing you turns me on.
My head on your chest feels like home.
There's nothing I like more than to be in your arms."
Feel free, ladies, with this type of compliment to get very detailed
and very sensual or sexual if you want.
Trust me, he won't mind a bit.
Why these are so great is because of the universal rule
that we are craving being acknowledged by you for our actions.
Nowhere is this more important than when we are being physical
or sexual with you as our partner.
Never hesitate to tell him that anything that he's doing feels great to you.
When is the best time to give this compliment?
Literally, any time is great with this one, but particularly in the heat
of the moment when he's touching you,
when he's kissing you, when he's holding you.
That is the best time to reinforce those feelings and that behavior with him.
Now, I'm not saying men are dogs, [chuckles] but think of it like a dog.
If a dog does something that you like, you want to give him
that positive reinforcement in the moment so it anchors
that validation for that behavior.
"Oh, thank you for the smooches, Bosco.
You're such a good boy.
Oh yes, I love that." Not exactly like this, but you get the idea.
Number seven is probably my favorite.
It's, "I believe in you." Why is this compliment so powerful.
Well, it's because men who are high-value,
they're usually deeply grounded
in their purpose and vision for their lives.
A lot of times, the weight of that can be intense.
It can be a heck of a burden for one person to carry.
Few things are more activating or inspiring to a man than feeling
the belief and support of the woman he cares about
around his vision and his purpose for his life.
Sometimes, when a man loses or has lost faith in himself, he can borrow
the belief and inspiration of the woman he loves
to help elevate him back into the game.
When should you use this compliment?
Well, a great time to use it is when he's being courageously vulnerable
with you and sharing his vision or big ideas that he's got for his life.
You saying that you believe in his idea, even if it's something that seems
really big and almost impossible, it's going to be really exciting
and encouraging for him.
The second time to use this compliment is if he feels a little despondent,
or maybe like he's lost sight of what he's committed
to creating in the world.
This compliment is so good, ladies, that any time that it feels right
to say it, just say it.
Trust your instincts on this one and he'll love it.
Ladies, if you use these seven compliments authentically in your relationship,
it's going to deepen your connection with him
and your trust and the emotional bond between you.
Number one is,
"I'm so proud of you."
This is a powerful polarizing statement to make
any time you're getting ready to go out in public with him.
Number two is any type of compliment about a specific aspect
of his appearance.
Compliment him on his arms, compliment him on his hair,
his eyes, his shirt.
You can't go wrong, but be specific.
That's going to help him understand how unique and attractive he is to you.
Number three is,
"You make me feel so beautiful."
This one is a game-changer and it's incredibly powerful to a man,
and you can say it in the heat of passion or right after making love to him,
or really any time it feels like the right thing to say.
The fourth one is,
"Time melts away when I"m with you."
That is a profound thing to hear from a woman, I promise.
The fifth one is,
"You always know how to make me smile,"
or, "You always know how to make me laugh."
This is going to be incredibly empowering to him and help create emotional safety
because he always makes you feel fantastic.
Number six is another powerful category of compliments,
compliments around how he impacts you physically.
How he turns you on.
How his touch makes you shiver or how just looking at him
makes your whole body electrified or crave him.
Any type of compliment about how he physically
and specifically impacts you is going to be incredibly hot.
Saving the best for last, number seven is,
"I believe in you."
There are a few things that light a man up more than really feeling
and hearing the belief and support of the woman he cares about.
Get out there, ladies, and share these powerful compliments
with the men in your life.
Before you do, be sure to take a second, hit that little Subscribe button,
and don't forget to sound off in the comments.
Ladies, I would love to hear about the greatest compliments
that you've given a guy, or what your favorites
were from the ones I just shared.
Don't forget to click that link in the comments and caption.
I have created some great training that's going to make a huge difference
in your connections and relationships with men.
Thank you so much for stopping by, and I"ll see you in my next video.
Bye-bye.
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