From producer Tim Burton
and replacement director Joel Schumacher
comes a Batman movie that replaces the 80's gothic look of the first two
with the ecstasy soaked fever dream of the mid-90's.
Yup, this is definitely the worst movie I've seen 30 times
Batman Forever
After Tim Bburton made Batman cool for the main stream,
then put too much kinky stuff in the sequel to sell kid's toys,
Warner Bros. picked Joel Schumacher as the pariah-- err... director
to push the franchise in a more family-friendly direction
-Holy rusted metal, Batman! -Uh?
But hey! If this was the way we had to go through to get Nolan... take it away, Joel
-Can I persuade you to take a sandwich with you, sir? -I'll get drive-through.
[sigh]
Meet Val Kilmer's unique take on Batman
He's not weird like Keaton,
charming like Clooney,
intimidating like Bale,
swoll like Affleck,
or emotional like a human.
But he does contribute one major unique trait to the Batman legacy:
His mouth is always open!
I mean. bats do eat bugs... I guess that's one way to catch'em
Watch Batman face Two-Face:
A man with the power of not being a threat half the time
But there's also the onesy-wearing Riddler:
Jim Carrey, at the height of his powers, brings the same manic energy he brings to his other roles
Joygasm!
Ssssssmokin'!
while Tommy Lee Jones makes the horrible choice to bring the same manic energy as Jim Carrey
...aand meee!!!!
Watch these two actors try to one-up each other on camera
...while the real drama was apparently going down off-screen
-He got up and hugged me, and said 'I hate you. I really don't like you'
Drill, as Batman faces his greatest danger yet,
the only thing that can actually stop him for good:
A therapist!
Dr. Chase Meridian takes her place alongside Vicki Vale, as the latest Bat-girlfriend you'll never hear from again.
She's got brains, brawn, and she's not using either of them
Because all she does is perv out on a stranger in a rubber suit
You ARE interesting
Well, I wish I could say that my interest in you is... purely professional
[many moans]
My place. Mightnight
I've imagined this moment since I first saw you. Your eyes. Your lips. Your body.
Experience the Bat-family grow bigger with Chris O'Donnell's Robin,
whose lame origin story of the Robin name
I flew in like a Robin
is still better than The Dark Knight Rises'
-You should use you full name: Robin -Thanks
Witness a mid-twenties actor, who is best to play a cool teen,
complete with cool motorcycle and learher jacket,
giant 90s cool guy earring,
and something no-one will ever make cool:
Laundry Karate!
Holy 'dry clean only', Batman! This makes me wanna drink some bleach!
So, witness the begining of the end of the original Bat-quadrilogy
that put nipples on the Batsuit,
launched Akiva Goldsman's career,
and cut out the insane sub-plot with the giant bat,
but survives today by hanging on to its three redeeming qualities:
The Thumbs-up .gif
The epic Seal song
And the fact that no matter what you have to say it's not as sh*tty as Batman & Robin
[Ka-ching]
Never leave the cave without it
Starring
Hello, Reddit! I am actor and artist Val Kilmer. AMA!
A chewed up Starburst!
Jim Carries the movie
Dr. Girlfriend
The Adult Wonder
Didn't sign up for this
The world's craziest Laser Tag arena
The "Batman! Yeah!" guy
Batman! Yeah!
The "Boiling acid!" guy
Oh, no! It's boiling acid!
and What's that, girl? Batman fell down a well? [bark]
Batman Begins ...to suck
Did anyone notice Two-Face's lair only works if he is facing one direction?
Do they have to rearrange the furniture when he turns around?