Hello. This is 6 Minute English
from BBC Learning English.
I'm Neil.
And I'm Rob. It's great that you're
here to keep me company -
to spend time with me so
I don't get lonely -
because loneliness is the
subject of this programme. It's good to be here, Neil.
I think many of us have
experienced loneliness at
some point. Maybe you've
felt lonely because all your
friends have gone out for
dinner without you, or
maybe you've felt lonely
just because you don't
fit in somewhere. Yes, that's when we sometimes
use the expression 'to feel
lonely in a crowd'. Well,
we'll be exploring if this
is a new idea or something
humans have always
experienced, and along
the way we'll be teaching
you some new vocabulary. But now I'm here to keep you
company, how about a
question for me?
Of course! Well, one
possibly lonely man is
Mauro Morandi. He's lived
alone on Budelli Island in
Italy for many years, but
how many years exactly?
Is it: a) 6 years,
b) 31 years, or
c) 44 years? Umm ... 44 years would be
tough, as would 31, so
I'll go for 6 years. OK, Rob, we'll find out
later if that's right.
Now, I'm sure we all
want to be alone from
time to time, to escape
the demands of our
colleagues or the
pressures of real life,
but would we really want
to be totally alone? Well, I certainly wouldn't.
And research has found that
prolonged social isolation
is bad for us,
particularly mentally. It's an interesting topic,
and one that the BBC Radio
4 programme Thinking Aloud
has been exploring.
Its guest, Fay Bound Alberti,
Reader in History at the
University of York,
explained how loneliness is
a relatively new
emotional state. A state is a condition at
a particular time. Let's
hear what she had to say
about references to
loneliness in literature. Well, novels are
fascinating, because there's
a difference between novels
in the 18th Century, when
they first came into being,
and novels in the 19th
Century - in the 18th
Century something like
Robinson Crusoe, there's
not a single reference
to loneliness. By the 19th
Century novels are
full of lonely people
and that reflects those
kinds of social changes. Give me some examples.
What may count
as examples? Well, I suppose I'm
thinking about if you
compare something like
Wuthering Heights where
you have this desperate
desire on the part of
the heroine to find love
which is bundled up
to in this sense of the
self not being complete
without another, or
Tess of the d'Urbervilles.
And so Victorian
fiction in particular
tends to be full of woman
who are in search of the
significant other and
needing to find happiness
and an absence of loneliness
in the domestic. It's interesting that Fay
mentions the story of
Robinson Crusoe - about
a man living on a desert
island - does not mention
the word loneliness.
But because of a shift
in how people behaved
and thought in the
19th century - called
social change - loneliness
became an emotion that
was written about
in stories. Ah, but loneliness tended
to be something affecting
women. They were
searching for happiness
by finding a 'significant
other' - a partner, usually
a man, who they wanted to
marry. How things
have changed! Yes, now Fay also went
on to talk about how
some female authors,
like Virginia Woolf,
looked for solitude - that's
being alone - because
that helped them
be creative. Even today, being alone
gives us headspace and
time to think, as long
as it doesn't last
forever. Anyway, as we
mentioned, we've probably
all been lonely at some
point, and Fay Bound Alberti
told the Thinking Aloud
programme that loneliness
can take many forms. Absolutely, I think that
loneliness is something
that affects all people
but at different times
in their lives. I would
describe in terms of
pinch points - there are
times when we change
[when we become] when we
get married, we become
mothers, we get divorced,
anything that changes
our life might put us
under temporary loneliness.
When it's a problem is
when it becomes chronic. It seems that there are
certain times in our
lives when we might feel
lonely - when we break
up with a partner or
have a baby and feel
isolated, for example.
These are moments that
Fay describes as pinch
points - times in your
life where there are
difficulties and things
slow down or change. We could say loneliness
at these times is
understandable, normal
and temporary. When it
becomes a bigger issue,
it's what Fay describes
as chronic - so,
long lasting. And loneliness isn't
always obvious to other
people, so it's good to
check in with friends
and family to see how
they're feeling and to
ask if they re OK.
Of course, it would be
difficult to check in
on Mauro Morandi, who's
been living on Budelli
Island in Italy for
many years, but how
many years exactly? Ahh well I thought
6 years. Was I right? I'm afraid not. It's
actually been 31 years.
He told National Geographic
magazine "I'm sort of
in prison here ... but
it's a prison that I
chose for myself". So
I'm guessing he's got
used to his own company!
I certainly couldn't
live alone for that
long - I'd been too
lonely, I need
company, Rob. Yeah, me too, Neil!
And loneliness is what
we've been discussing in
this programme. Here's a
recap of some of the
vocabulary we've
mentioned. Firstly,
to keep someone company
is to spend time with
someone so they
don't get lonely. Social change is a shift
in how people behave
and think. A significant other is
an informal way of
describing a partner. Solitude describes
being alone. When talking about life,
pinch points are times
where there are
difficulties and things
slow down or change.
And chronic describes a
health condition that
is long lasting. And that's all we have
time for in this
programme, but remember
you can find more
useful vocabulary,
trending topics and
help with your language
learning here at BBC
Learning English. We
also have an app that
you can download for
free from the app
stores and of course
we are all over social
media. Bye for now! Bye bye!
Hello. This is 6 Minute
English from BBC
Learning English.
I'm Neil.
And I'm Georgina.
Georgina and I have got
to know each other
very well after working
together for so long.
I know what sandwiches
Neil has for lunch ...
Egg and tomato right, Neil?
Right! And I know it
really annoys Georgina when
people don't wash up
their cups in
the staff kitchen.
So unhygienic!
But just as important
as getting to know
someone, socially or at
work, is getting on
with people. To get on
with someone is a useful
phrasal verb, meaning to
like someone and enjoy
a friendly relationship
with them.
Which is really
important if you work
with them every day!
And there's another word
to describe the good
understanding and
communication between
two friends: rapport.
Yes, how to build rapport
and get on with people
has been the subject
of many self-help books
over the years, and
is the topic of
this programme.
Well, you and I
must have great rapport,
Georgina, because that
leads perfectly onto
my quiz question. In
1936, American writer
Dale Carnegie wrote a
famous self-help book
on building rapport.
It sold over 30 million
copies, making it one of
the best-selling books
of all time - but what is
it called? Is it:
a) How to get rich quick?,
b) How to stop worrying
and make friends?, or
c) How to win friends
and influence people?
I think I know this,
Neil. I'm going to say,
c) How to win friends
and influence people.
OK, Georgina, we'll find
out if that's the right
answer at the end
of the programme.
When it comes to getting
on with people,
psychologist Emily Alison
has a few ideas.
She's built a career
working with the police
as they build rapport
with criminal suspects.
Emily is the author a
new book, 'Rapport: the
four ways to read people'
and, as she told BBC
Radio 4 programme All
In The Mind it isn't easy
to get along with everyone.
I often describe
rapport-building in a
relationship as like
walking a tightrope because
you really do need
to maintain that
balance of being objective,
treating people with
compassion but that
doesn't mean I'm
sympathetic, I'm
collusive - it's that
balance between
judgement and avoidance.
Emily describes rapport
building as like
walking a tightrope, an
idiom to describe being
in a difficult situation
which requires carefully
considering what to do.
Building rapport with
"terrorists" or violent
criminals isn't easy.
Emily doesn't sympathise
with what they have done,
but she tries to remain
objective - to base her
judgement on the facts,
not personal feelings.
In her book, Emily
identifies four main
communication styles
which she names after
animals. The best at
building rapport is the
friendly and
cooperative monkey.
Then there's a pair of
opposites: the bossy lion,
who wants to take charge
and control things, and
the more passive mouse.
Here's Emily talking to
BBC Radio 4's, All In
The Mind, about the
fourth animal, the
T-Rex. Try to listen out
for the communication
style of this personality.
You've got the T-Rex
which is conflict - so
this is argument, whether
you're approaching it
from a positive position
where you can be direct,
frank about your message
or you approach that
in a negative way by
being ... attacking,
judgemental, argumentative,
sarcastic, and that
actually breeds the
same behaviour back.
So anyone who has
teenagers will 100%
recognise that ... if
you meet sarcasm with
sarcasm, it's only
going to go one way.
All four communication
styles have good and
bad points. On the
positive side, T-Rex
type people are frank -
they express themselves
in an open, honest way.
But T-Rex types can
also be sarcastic - say
the opposite of what
they really mean, in
order to hurt someone's
feelings or criticise
them in a funny way.
Yes, sarcasm is a
strange thing - like
saying, "Oh, I really
like your haircut",
when in fact you don't!
Yes. There's an
English saying that
sarcasm is the lowest
form of humour, but I
think British people
can be quite
sarcastic at times.
Well, I can't image
you'd make many
friends being rude to
people. Maybe they
should read Dale
Carnegie's self-help book.
Ah yes, your quiz
question, Neil. Was
my answer right?
In my quiz question
I asked Georgina for the
title of Dale Carnegie's
best-selling self-help
book about building
rapport. What did
you say?
I said the book is
called, c) How to win
friends and influence people.
Which is ... the correct
answer! And I guess you've
read it, Georgina,
because you have
lots of friends.
I hope you're not
being sarcastic, Neil!
Absolutely not! I'm
not a sarcastic T-Rex
type, more of a
friendly monkey!
OK, well, let's stay
friends and recap
the vocabulary from
this programme,
starting with rapport -
a good feeling between
two people based on
understanding
and communication.
If you get on with
someone, you like and
enjoy a friendly
relationship with them.
Walking a tightrope
means to be in a
difficult situation
which requires careful
consideration of
what to do.
To be objective is to
base your actions on
facts rather than
personal feelings.
When building rapport
with someone, it's
good to be frank - to
express yourself in
an open, honest way.
But not sarcastic - to
say the opposite of
what you really mean,
in order to hurt
someone's feelings or
criticise them in
a humorous way.
Well, Neil, if we run
over six minutes
we'll break our
rapport with the 6
Minute English producer,
so that's all for
this programme! Join
us again soon for
more trending topics
and useful vocabulary ...
... and remember to
download the BBC
Learning English app
and stay friends by
following us on
social media.
Bye for now!
Bye!
Hello. This is 6
Minute English from
BBC Learning English.
I'm Rob.
And I'm Sam.
As awful as the
coronavirus pandemic has
been, it's also
highlighted the
compassionate side of
human nature - doctors
and nurses helping
the sick.
Yes, and people helping
out elderly relatives
and neighbours, raising
money for charity or
wearing a face mask
to keep others safe.
But the pandemic has
also highlighted a
more worrying issue
called 'compassion fatigue'.
Have you heard
of that, Sam?
Yes, I think compassion
fatigue is a kind of
emotional exhaustion
which reduces your
ability to empathise
or feel compassion
for others.
Yes, exactly, Sam.
Compassion fatigue has
long been a problem for
people working in medical
professions and is the
topic of this programme.
We'll be hearing how the
suffering and unhappiness
we see on the TV news
can increase feelings
of helplessness.
But first, let me ask
you my quiz question, Sam.
Humanitarian workers see
human suffering on a
daily basis and can
easy fall victim to
compassion fatigue.
Founded in 1971,
M decins Sans Fronti res
is one of the biggest
humanitarian organisations.
But what does M decins
Sans Fronti res mean?
Is it: a) Medicine to
the frontline,
b) Doctors without
borders, or
c) Medicine first?
I remember newspapers
calling it MSF and using
its English name, which
I think was, b) Doctors
without borders.
OK, Sam, we'll find out
the answer later on.
Compassion fatigue centres
on the idea that we
can feel too much
empathy and that feeling
can lead to
emotional burnout.
According to psychologist,
Margaret Heffernan, caring
and fatigue are closely
connected. Caring for others
means taking on someone's
pain yourself and this
can have unhealthy
consequences for the carer.
Well, here's Margaret
Heffernan talking to
BBC World Service's,
The Documentary Podcast.
See if you can hear the
effects of compassion
fatigue she mentions.
As you find people
spending more and more
time online, reading more
and more and more
depressing news and
they become more and
more numb they also
become more and more
addicted to it. And this
develops a kind of
state of mind that
is a kind of - it's
a form of learned
helplessness - because
I'm consuming something
that's upsetting me but
I cannot do
anything about it.
Margaret Heffernan mentions
that spending too much
time reading depressing
online news can leave
us feeling numb -
unable to feel any
emotions or think
clearly because we
are so upset or afraid.
The news exposes us to
human suffering around
the world which we
feel powerless to help.
This can lead to
something which in
psychology is called
learned helplessness -
giving up trying to
feel better because your
previous attempts
have not worked.
This is all incredibly
depressing, Rob! It
sounds like we have
limited amounts of compassion.
Well, there are more
positive ways of looking
at it, Sam. Here's an
alternative view from
Tom Rivett-Carnac,
speaking with BBC World
Service's, The
Documentary Podcast.
I understand why you're
saying that it's
finite - but I also
think compassion is a
habit. So dwelling with
that, developing that
habit - yes, there are
a lot of headwinds to
that and the rapid
acceleration of the
news cycle, the focus
on the next problem
so quickly draws our
attention away from
developing those deeper
habits as humanity that
gives us that courage
and that strength to
make these
big transformations.
Like Margaret Heffernan,
Tom Rivett-Carnac
believes the news media
is part of the problem.
Online newspapers and
social media, speed up
the news cycle - the
reporting of a particular
news story, from the
first instance
to the last.
As a result, we are
constantly worrying
about the next problem -
and this can easily
lead to emotional fatigue.
Tom emphasises
compassion as a habit
to be developed, instead
of something finite -
limited or having
a fixed size.
But such compassionate
habits can be difficult
to cultivate because
they face many
headwinds - forces
blowing in the opposite
direction which stop
you moving forward.
Headwinds such as the
rapid news cycle which
distracts us from
developing compassion
and courage. Maybe the
answer is to help in
whatever ways we can,
without becoming
hard-hearted - like
the volunteers of MSF.
Ah yes - your quiz
question, Rob. You
asked what the French
name M decins Sans
Fronti res means in
English. I said b) Doctors
without borders.
Which was ... the correct
answer! Well done!
Doctors Without Borders
offer volunteer medical
assistance in the
world's worst conflict zones.
OK, Rob, let's recap
the vocabulary,
starting with compassion
fatigue - emotional
exhaustion which reduces
your feelings
of compassion.
This can leave you
numb - unable to feel
any emotions because
you are so shocked
or scared.
Learned helplessness
is a psychological
term for when someone
stops trying to feel
better because their
previous attempts failed.
Some people believe
that compassion is
finite - limited or
having a fixed size.
And it can be disturbed
by the news cycle - the
round of media reports
and reactions to
a news story.
Which can be a headwind
or opposing force,
which stops us
caring for others.
And that's it for
this edition of
6 Minute English.
Bye for now!
Bye!
Hello. Welcome to 6
Minute English, I'm Neil.
And I'm Rob.
Rob, would you say
that were a snowflake?
Wow, I can't believe
you said that, that's
so offensive. How
could you be so rude?
So I guess that's a
yes then? Sorry,
I only asked.
Don't worry, I wasn't
really upset, I just
wanted to demonstrate
the meaning of the word.
The word snowflake has
taken on a new
meaning in recent years.
These days it's
used as an insult.
It's used to criticise
people or groups that
are seen to be very
easily offended or
upset by things
that others say.
There is usually a
political side to it
too, isn't there?
Yes, people who use
the word snowflake
tend to be from the
political right and
they usually use it
about those on the
political left,
particularly millennials -
young, socially
aware adults.
Well we'll explore this
topic in more detail
shortly, but first a
quiz question. In which
year was snowflake one
of Collins Dictionary's
words of the year? Was it:
a) 1996, b) 2006 or
c) 2016?
Well, we said it's
quite a recent word
so I'm going
for c) 2016.
Well, we'll find out
if you're right later
on in the programme.
The topic of offence
is a very complicated
one. First what do we
mean by offence, Rob?
Thanks for that. That is
a really difficult
question. Something that
is offensive is rude,
insulting and makes
people feel hurt and
upset. What's difficult
about it though is that
we don't all find the
same things offensive.
Some people can be
deliberately offensive
and some people may be
offensive without
meaning to be.
Also, different people
respond to offence
in different ways -
some accept it as the
price of free speech
and some try to stop
the people they think
are offensive from
saying the things
they do.
These terms come up
quite a lot in
discussions about equality,
race, religion and
of course, politics.
The topic was discussed
in detail in the BBC
Radio programme Sweet
Reason. Evan Davis
presented the programme
and here is the first
part of his summary
of the discussion.
What does he say is
the reason some people
talk about offence?
First, on occasion,
people probably do
invoke offence when
really they just have
a political disagreement
and on occasion groups
that suffer
discrimination or
exclusion perhaps find
it exhilarating or
uniting to call out
that discrimination.
He says that some
people take offence
when it's just a
political disagreement.
He says they
invoke offence.
If you invoke something
it means that you use
it to support your
point or explain your
action. So to invoke
offence is to say that
we are acting this
way because we are
offended by what
you have said, although
the offence may only
be a political
difference rather than
something truly offensive.
Davis goes on to say
that groups that do
suffer from discrimination
may get some feelings
of unity when they
call out discrimination.
They feel more together
when they publicise
and highlight the
discrimination they
have experienced.
Even though some offence
that is taken may not
be genuine, that
doesn't mean people
don't have a right
to be offended. Here's
Evan Davis again.
Where the so-called
snowflakes surely have
a point is this,
societies are entitled
to make certain things
taboo and the
millennials use of the
word offensive is
simply designed to say
some views are not
just wrong they are in
a special category
of wrong.
His point here is that
societies can decide
that certain things
are taboo. In this
context something that
is taboo is something
that is regarded by
society as being
shocking and offensive
and that it is OK for
people to be offended
by these things.
And I think the point
he makes is a good one.
The word snowflake is
usually used as an
insult - but some people
may feel proud to be a
snowflake because it
means they are standing
up for a particular
standard, they have a
level of decency and
social responsibility
that is higher than that
of those who are calling
them snowflakes.
Well, I hope we haven't
caused any offence today.
Before we review the
vocabulary, can we have
the answer to today's
question, Neil?
Of course, I asked in
which year was
snowflake one of
Collins Dictionary's
words of the year?
Was it ...
a) 1996, b) 2006,
or c) 2016?
And I said c) 2016.
It's got to be right!
Well, do you want
to hear the story?
Interestingly the
term was coined in
1996 in the book
Fight Club, but it
was in 2016 that it
was one of the
dictionary's words
of the year. Now
let's review our words
of the day. First
there is 'offence'.
People can take offence
and be offended by
something that is
offensive. Something
that is offensive
could be rude,
insulting and shocking.
It might take the form
of humiliation or
discrimination against
a person or group.
The term 'snowflake' is
a word used by some
people to talk about
other people who they
think get offended too
easily and unnecessarily.
They don't want to
change their language
or ideas just because
snowflakes get upset.
Then we had the word
'invoke'. If you
invoke something you use
it as a reason to
explain your actions
and feelings.
To call something out
is to challenge it,
to highlight it and
look for justification.
And finally, we have
'taboo'. Something that
society says is
offensive and shocking.
So there we have it.
What do you think
Rob of this topic.
Well, it is a very
difficult subject,
particularly when it
comes to politics,
religion and society.
Free speech is good
but at times,
particularly on social
media, I think can be
unnecessarily unpleasant.
Well, try not to be
offended but it is
time for us to leave
you for this programme.
Do join us next time.
Remember you can find
us on Instagram,
Facebook, Twitter,
YouTube and of course
our website
bbclearningenglish.com.
And of course, we have
a new app which you
can find on our
website. It's free
and it's brilliant,
isn't it, Rob?
Absolutely!
See you soon, bye.
Bye!
Hello. This is 6 Minute
English from BBC
Learning English.
I'm Neil.
And I'm Georgina.
That's a big smile
on your face,
Georgina! You
seem happy today!
I am, Neil. After all,
what's the point in
seeing the glass
half empty?
Ah, so you're someone
who tries to see the
glass half full - you
generally look at
things in a positive way.
I hope so! It may
seem strange to be
discussing happiness
in the middle of a
global pandemic but
right now feeling
happy is more
important than ever.
Well then, it's lucky
that happiness is the
subject of this programme,
Georgina. And while
many things seem to be
out of our control
just now, there are
small things we can
do to feel better
about life ...
... to feel less
stressed, and maybe
even a little happier.
You're talking like a
Dane now, Georgina.
Denmark, and in fact
all the Nordic countries,
are often listed as
among the happiest
places in the world.
You know what would
make me happy, Neil? -
asking me a really
good quiz question.
OK. Well, did you know
that every year the UN
publishes its Global
Happiness Survey
revealing the happiest
countries in the world?
It's based on factors like
income, life expectancy
and health. The Nordic
countries often come in
the top ten, but which
country was rated the
happiest in 2020? Was it:
a) Iceland, b) Denmark
or c) Finland?
Well, Neil, Denmark is famous
for bacon, and nothing
makes me happier than
a bacon sandwich, so
I'll say b) Denmark.
I like your thinking,
Georgina! We'll find out
the answer later, but
you're certainly right
to say that Denmark is
considered one of the
happiest countries
in the world.
Malene Rydahl, author of
the bestselling book,
Happy as a Dane, believes
that aspects of Danish
culture can help us
improve our chances
of happiness.
Here she is explaining
what happiness means
for her to BBC World
Service programme,
The Conversation. See if
you can hear what she thinks.
Well, I think we should
be seeking alignment and
I think we should
practise gratitude and
I think that we should be
more conscious about
how we relate to things
that happen to us and
how much we compare
ourselves to others ...
I do think that what we
need to focus on is the
quality of our relationships.
Did you hear Malene use the
word alignment? She thinks
there should be harmony
between my true sense
of who I am, what I
think and how I relate
to others. We should be
in alignment - or in
the correct relation,
to those things.
Malene also thinks
happiness comes from
gratitude - feeling
grateful and expressing
thanks to other people.
She recommends finding
three things, no matter
how small, to be
grateful for every day.
Like ... getting a
good night's sleep,
drinking a hot
coffee ... and having
this chat with
you, Georgina.
Thanks, Neil, that's
put a smile on my face!
It may sound strange
but doing this every
day can really boost
your happiness levels.
Malene also warns
against seeking happiness
in external things,
as you can hear in
this chat with BBC
World Service's,
The Conversation.
If you seek happiness
and you mistake it for
pleasure, you will
be running around like
a little hamster in
a wheel because it's
never enough and
because you will be
very quickly the
victim of the hedonic
treadmill ... and the
hedonic treadmill
is ... you know, you
want something, you
think if you're more
beautiful, if you get
more power, if you
get more money and
fame and then you'll
finally be happy ...
and then you get it
and you get a
small satisfaction.
According to Malene,
chasing external
pleasures like money
and fame will leave you
feeling like a hamster
on a wheel - like
someone who's always
busy but never
accomplishes anything
useful or finishes
what they start.
She also says it's
easy to become a
victim of the hedonic
treadmill. This is the
idea that humans adapt
to whatever level of
happiness they achieve.
As we make more money,
meet the perfect boyfriend
or whatever we desire,
our expectations also
increase, so we never
find the happiness we
hoped we would!
'Money can't buy happiness',
as my grandma used to say.
Right. In fact, it's
probably the quality
of our relationships,
not external objects,
that gives satisfaction -
the pleasure we feel when
we achieve something
we wanted to.
Lots of useful tips there,
Georgina, for feeling
as happy as a Dane.
A Dane, you say, Neil?
So I got the
correct answer?
In my quiz question
I asked Georgina which
Nordic country was
rated happiest in the
UN's 2020 global survey.
I guessed b) Denmark.
But in fact, Georgina,
it was ... c) Finland.
I guess their bacon
sandwiches are
even better!
OK, let's recap the
vocabulary and start seeing
the glass half full -
looking at things
in a positive way.
Happiness might be all
about alignment -
being in the correct
relation to things.
Or gratitude - being
grateful and giving thanks.
Feeling like a hamster
on a wheel means you're
always busy doing
things but without
getting satisfaction -
the pleasant feeling of
achieving something
you really wanted to.
Finally, the reason
happiness often escapes
us may involve the
hedonic treadmill - the
human tendency to
return to the same
level of happiness after
something very good
or very bad has happened.
That's all for this
programme. We hope it's
lifted your spirits
and given you some
useful vocabulary
as well.
Remember to join us
again soon for more
interesting topics here
at 6 Minute English.
And if you like
topical discussions and
want to learn how to
use the vocabulary
found in headlines,
why not try out our
News Review podcast?
You'll find programmes
about many topics that
will help to keep you
entertained and learning
at the same time. Don't
forget you can download
the app for free from
the app stores. And, of
course, we are on most
social media platforms.
Bye for now!
Bye!