our next guest is a very funny young gentleman he's making his Network television debut with
us tonight and he'll be performing this weekend right here in New York City at a place called
the comic strip ladies and Gentlemen please welcome Mike Birbiglia Mike [Music]
[Applause] [Music] [Applause] uh Dave got my last name right it's Birbiglia everyone
gets it wrong when telemarketers called they'll be like good afternoon may I speak with mister
oh man good bigger boo I'm like yeah bigaboo doesn't live here anymore even automated telemarketers
get it wrong they'll be like good afternoon may I speak with mister system error
I got a girlfriend right now she's a little bit older than I am she's starting to get
to the age where she's thinking about having kids which is exciting because we're gonna
have to break up laughs
my girlfriend now we worry about different things the other day I was like what do you
fear the most and she was like I fear you'll meet someone else and you'll leave me and
I'll be all alone and she was like what do you fear the most and I was like bears
a bear is an intimidating animal oh I found out recently the animal that kills the most
humans for years not the bear it's the hippo I didn't even know hippos ate humans I just
thought they ate those little white marbles foreign
I thought that was the point of Hungry Hungry Hippo hippos are marble vores
last week my girlfriend calls me from work she's like you gotta take Tony that's her
cat to the vet because he's got a urinary tract infection so I took him in they give
you this questionnaire about the cat and I didn't know any of the answers I got like
two right cat and mail it said breed and I wrote question mark Brown it said describe
the reason you were here today and I wrote my girlfriend is at work
my brother lives on my block he's always trying to fix my finances he got me involved with
an online bank one of these flybynite.com makes me nervous it's like people my age running
a bank sometimes the transactions don't even happen last week I called up I was like do
you guys still have my money and everything and they were like dude we are so sorry
we spent it all on Limp Biscuit tickets
trade account turns out I can turn one thousand dollars into four hundred and twenty dollars
in in less than a week sure I had to pay some fees
someone stole my wallet last week the guy called me up he was mad at me he was like
you got to get your finances together
you've got no cash your credit cards are maxed out you don't even have minutes on your calling
card I had to use my card to call you
I like this rapper Busta Rhymes you guys know Buster run sometimes he'll yeah sometimes
he'll have a real good rhyme he'll say his name afterwards he'll be like cat in the hat
and that was that Busta Rhymes I'd like to do that with jokes like I like drinking coffee
but if I ever reach a point in my life where the best part of waking up is Folgers in my
cup I'm not sure I want to wake up Mike Birbiglia [Applause] Angelus recently and I saw people
flashing gang signs in the street and I didn't know what to do so I go like this I go and
they were like well like was like paper scissors
so they threw rocks at me I was like paper beats Rock Mike Birbiglia thanks a lot everybody
[Music] [Applause] [Music]