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ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: There's a lot of confusion as to what
bullying is.
And in today's discussion, we're going to give you a
clearer understanding of what bullying is and help you
identify if your child is bullying other children or if
your child is being bullied.
The current definition of bullying is a specific type of
aggressive behavior in which a child or group of children
with more power--
for example, if they're bigger, older,
or have more friends--
harms another child.
Bullying is usually repeated.
And bullying takes on many forms, which includes hitting,
kicking, calling mean names, as well as social exclusion.
Jamie, I'd like to ask you the first question.
How do I know if my child is being bullied?
JAMIE OSTROV: Well, children that are victimized by their
peers within the context of a bully-victim relationship are
frequent recipients of aggressive behavior.
If your child has recently been involved in an aggressive
episode and is now fearful of school, doesn't want to go to
school, and has unexplained changes in their sleep,
appetite, and unexplained crying episodes, these are
some indications that your child may be
experiencing bullying.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: So really look at the
cues from your child.
JAMIE OSTROV: Exactly.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: How do I know if my child is bullying
other children?
JAMIE OSTROV: Well, bullying behavior is a repeated episode
of aggressive behavior among peers.
And so if your child is engaged in these repeated
episodes and you have reports of teachers or other adults
that these kinds of episodes are taking place, that's one
indication.
In addition, the sibling relationship is often a very
important training ground for peer relationship.
So if your child is engaged in bullying behaviors with a
younger sibling, for example, that's usually good indication
that something might be going on with regards to bullying.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Jamie, can bullying
really happen in preschool?
JAMIE OSTROV: Yes, in fact, bullying can occur in children
as young as the age of three.
Bullying in early childhood is different than at older
developmental periods in that the identity of the bully is
usually known and the behaviors are rather direct
and in your face.
This allows teachers and parents and other adults the
opportunity to more easily identify the behaviors and
then eventually intervene.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Joe, what behavior should
parents look out for?
JOSEPH WRIGHT: Your somatic complaints like a stomach ache
or changes in any kind of normal patterns.
And in addition, parents really need to be
hyper-vigilant about their child's appearance.
If a child is coming home with tattered clothing or physical
bruises, certainly that's an indication of something going
on and warrants attention from the parent.
For children who are bullying, I think it's, in addition to
what Jamie has already indicated, that the behavior
toward not only siblings, but if there are pets in the home,
aggression towards pets in the home can be a sign of
hyper-aggressive behavior that may indicate a
child being a bully.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Joe, there's been a lot of media
attention on these horrific cases of bullying, which may
lead people to think that it's getting worse, and it's
happening much more frequently.
Has there been an explosion?
Are we dealing with an epidemic?
JOSEPH WRIGHT: Well, the studies that have been
following trends in bullying incidents and prevalence have
not indicated a rise in bullying behavior.
And certainly there's been a great deal more attention,
particularly in the media.
But I think that parents can be reassured that this does
not represent suddenly an
explosion in bullying behavior.
In fact, these behaviors have been around since time
[? immemorial. ?]
So what is really happening and what we're all
experiencing is an increased attention and certainly new
forms of expression, particularly with the abuse of
technology and cyber bullying.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: But the media could also help bring to
us an awareness so that we could be much more vigilant
about making observations about our children's behavior.
JOSEPH WRIGHT: Absolutely, and in this case, I think the
attention is good.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Mia, I think a lot of people want to
know, what is the overall impact of
bullying on the family?
MIA DOCES: Well, it can really cause a lot of distress for
the parents.
And it can cause a lot of angry feelings towards the
school or the day care center or even the other parents of
the children, if they know them, who are involved in the
bullying situation.
And I think it can make parents feel like they've
failed, that they aren't doing something
right by their children.
So it can be very frustrating.
They might feel that the school or the daycare center
isn't doing enough to make it stop.
It can just be a very stressful situation for the
whole family.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: And, Mia, what is the effect of bullying
on a school?
MIA DOCES: Well bullying can have a very corrosive effect
on a school environment.
So when there are schools where the adults in the school
are either ignoring or they're sort of tolerating bullying
behavior and when the other children are sort of viewing
it as normal behavior, that can really impact the school
environment in a negative way.
And it makes it more difficult for children to feel connected
to that school.
And it can make it very difficult for them to feel
safe at school.
And we know that when children do not feel connected to
school and that they do not feel safe at school, then they
have a harder time learning.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Catherine, what's the difference between
teasing and bullying?
And is teasing bullying?
CATHERINE BRADSHAW: Yeah, teasing is actually very
common in children's play relationship.
Similar to how adults would use sarcasm to bond or connect
with someone, teasing can play a similar type of function in
children's relationships.
But the challenge is there's a bit of a line between where
teasing ends and where bullying begins.
Things that are different about teasing is that it would
happen in a mutual or friendly type of relationship.
It tends to happen
occasionally, rather than repeated.
Also, when there's a relationship among friends and
one might tease the other, it typically is a back and forth
rather than a power dynamic where one person takes over
control and really wants to humiliate or put someone down.
That's where we start to see the teasing
turning into bullying.
So you see a difference between teasing, whereas
bullying focuses more about that power
dynamic and that shift.
And children really can't get control or take back that
relationship.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Catherine, is name
calling a form of bullying?
CATHERINE BRADSHAW: Yes, name calling can be a form of
bullying if it happens in that repeated fashion, where
there's that power differential.
So, occasionally, kids will get called a name by someone,
and if it's just an isolated event, something that perhaps
the adult could correct or the child could let the other
individual know that they don't want to be called that
name, but if we start to see this recurrent pattern,
especially if it's a name that puts the child down and makes
them feel badly, that's really where we would start to see
the overlap.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: And once again, it's the intent to
harm, the intent to hurt.
It's crucial for children to go to a trusted adult when
they that a friend is in trouble.
But the the question comes up, what's the distinction, the
difference between reporting and tattling?
Trudy, can you take this one?
TRUDY LUDWIG: Tattling thing is when you're trying to get
someone in trouble and no one is getting hurt physically or
emotionally.
Reporting is when you're trying to help someone out of
trouble because someone is getting hurt physically or
emotionally.
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: Thank you.
And I think that's also another important message for
the adults in children's lives to have that distinction and
to truly listen to a child and not just write it off as, oh,
they're being a tattletale.
TRUDY LUDWIG: I agree wholeheartedly.
It's very important for adults to understand the distinction
between tattling and reporting because when children are
reporting, it takes a lot of courage for them to do it.
And so the key question I would ask as an adult is, is
someone getting hurt?
ROSEMARIE TRUGLIO: That's a very important point.
I think all adults should take note.
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