THEME: "Days Into Night" by Sweet Mother Logic
SHANE (IC): I think we lost him.
WILL: Yeah, right.
He's more persistent than herpes and we're carrying Captain Dead, here.
KAT (IC): He isn't dead!
At least, I don't think so.
ARTHUR: Maybe if Kat was a little more careful with her spell management
she might have a heal for me.
KAT: I apologized for that already!
BRITTANY (IC): Enough.
The Dark Wizard's curse would have activated upon Porrik's death
and we're all still standing.
If the Executioner finds us, we shan't stay that way much longer.
ARTHUR: The guy's completely OP.
Friggin' Executioner with his 1v5 bullshit
and his Pointed Stick of Get Fucked--
BRITTANY (IC): Hush.
WILL: You talk a lot for a dead guy.
KAT: He isn't dead!
... I think.
KAT (IC): He can't still be after the Eleventh Eye!
SHANE (IC): Maybe. I think he wants Porrik.
WILL: Hm. Well, let's not stand in the way of love.
I say we drop him and cheese it.
ARTHUR: If I die, we all die, remember?
BRITTANY (IC): Astra, Ellowyn, Biff.
Flee with Porrik as fast as you can.
SHANE (IC): Carrying him will put us over--
BRITTANY (IC): I'll buy you the time you need.
SHANE (IC): No!
No, Corillia, you can't!
BRITTANY (IC): None of you are to turn back for any reason.
Astra, keep them in line until I--
--until I return.
KAT (IC): We can't leave you behind, Lady Corillia.
We stand together!
BRITTANY (IC): If Porrik dies, we fall together.
Now, GO!
EVAN (IC): I thought the captain went down with her ship.
BRITTANY (IC): You haven't won yet.
EVAN (IC): Killing you will make killing them all the easier.
BRITTANY (IC): Will you fight me, or no?
EVAN: Check!
Brittany, the safety's off with this guy.
EVAN (IC): The King will be glad to receive your elven ears as a trophy.
BRITTANY (IC): You talk too much.
I will earn your silence!
BRITTANY (IC): Shatter!
BRITTANY (IC): Stunning Blast!
BRITTANY (IC): Eldritch Confl--
BRITTANY (IC): [gasp]
EVAN: You're done for.
BRITTANY (IC): You'll... deliver a message?
I am the Lady Corillia.
First daughter of Goldenfir.
Bearer of the Eleventh Eye.
And I defy your rule, your Majesty.
Even unto death.
EVAN (IC): Die knowing that soon,
no one will be left to mourn you, elf.
BRITTANY: Goodbye.
EVAN: [surprised cry]
WILL: [grunt of effort]
I can never hit the goddamn face when I aim for it!
Yah!
Hungh!
Kyaaah.
WILL: Shit.
[grunts of exertion]
EVAN (IC): No! No, not now!
Not when so much--[cry of pain]
WILL: Shut the fuck up!
EVAN (IC): [death rattle]
WILL: [breathless victory cry]
EVAN: Upon his death, the Executioner's body and gear disappear.
Corillia's critically injured, but she'll live.
Good fight.
WILL: Corillia!
Thank the, uh, gods!
Are-- are you okay?
BRITTANY (IC): You disobeyed me, you--
BRITTANY: You came back.
WILL: Yeah, of course I did!
You know I'd do anything to save you, Corillia, I love you.
BRITTANY: Dammit!
WILL: What the hell?
BRITTANY: [sighs] You just had to ruin this, too.
WILL: Ruin what? I just saved your life!
BRITTANY: Exactly.
WILL: I have no idea what's going on.
BRITTANY: Exactly!
WILL: So...
BRITTANY: I was ready to let her go, Will.
Ready to move on.
WILL: Let who go?
BRITTANY: Corillia!
I saw an opportunity, and I took it.
And then you just show up, and you have to...
You just have to fuck it up!
WILL: By saving your life.
BRITTANY: I was almost clear of--
WILL: Wait, why would you ever want to get rid of Corillia?
ARTHUR: Hey, you guys coming back soon, or what?
WILL: Sorry, looks like Brittany decided to a page out of YOUR book.
Instead of telling people what you want, you keep it a secret.
And then you get pissed off when somebody stops you
from doing something completely fucking stupid!
ARTHUR: What does that have to do with me?
WILL: Because she just tried to commit suicide-by-Evan.
ARTHUR: What?!
Corillia's the most powerful PC we have!
BRITTANY: God, why does that even matter?
I mean, who cares about power level?!
WILL: What, are you kidding me?
Sometimes I think power level's the only thing that lets Arthur sleep at night.
ARTHUR: I gave up Noctus for you guys!
BRITTANY: You gave up Noctus because you cheated!
ARTHUR: Evan told you.
BRITTANY: No! SAM did!
Because even a fifteen-year-old can see through you!
SHANE: Whoa, whoa!
What's going on, guys?
ARTHUR: Nothing!
Corillia just decided to kill herself because she doesn't want to break up with Biff, so--
BRITTANY: Uh, hey!
SHANE: But Corillia's still alive?
WILL: Yeah! Thanks to me.
SHANE: You beat the Executioner? Nice!
ARTHUR: Wait, YOU beat him?
Great. Evan went easy mode on you.
Meanwhile, I can't do anything right.
BRITTANY: God, maybe it's because you're not as good as you think you are, Arthur.
I mean, did you ever think about that?!
WILL: Well, hey now, c'mon.
There's never anything wrong with Arthur, right?
It's the universe that's messed up.
SHANE: Guys!
ARTHUR: Maybe it's because I'm the only one that actually takes the game seriously.
BRITTANY: Oh, you take the RULES seriously.
When it suits you.
SHANE: C'mon! Guys!
EVAN: Hey!
KAT: Evan!
Sorry, I had to take a break.
Lugging Arthur is thirsty work.
EVAN: No problem.
KAT: No rest for you, huh?
EVAN: No. Gotta keep the game running.
KAT: Do you have a second, at least?
I wanna ask you out on a date.
EVAN: I'm your GM, Kat.
KAT: Okay...
I guess I'm new to the game, but I don't see what that has to do with anything.
EVAN: [sighs]
I have a responsibility to the game.
If we were to... it could compromise the LARP.
KAT: That really gonna happen, though?
I mean, I think Keeta's kinda cute...
EVAN: Wait. You think Keeta's cute?
KAT: Yeah, I do!
But, it's not really Keeta, is it?
The cute one's the, uh, the creative guy under the costumes and makeup.
EVAN: Kat...
KAT: And what happened between Brit and Phil is...
... is a different situation entirely.
EVAN: Why do you keep calling Will "Phil"?
What are you not telling me?
BRITTANY: Because I don't just arbitrarily decide things
for my characters like you, Arthur!
ARTHUR: Okay, so just deciding, I dunno,
maybe Corillia breaks up with Biff, you decide to kill yourself,
because that's really what makes the most sense, right?
BRITTANY: I don't have a choice!
The love of an elf lasts forever--
ARTHUR: Who gives a FUCK, Brittany?!
Seriously!
Fuck.
I told you, man!
I told you!
Relationship dynamics ruin the game!
WILL: Like you would have done any different.
ARTHUR: I would have been smarter, Will.
I have to focus every second we play this game.
And now I can't even carry you guys, 'cause I'm stuck as a bard,
because Evan is constantly--
EVAN: I'M CONSTANTLY WHAT?!
I'm constantly what, screwing you over?
I told you.
I push you guys until you eventually win.
That's my JOB.
And it is a job.
It's like teaching kindergarten.
I handle immature children who can't play nice with each other.
Who forget that this is a GAME that's supposed to be fun for EVERYBODY!
And they cry and complain because they're not having ENOUGH fun.
And when they're not doing that, they're squabbling, because they're SELFISH!
When I'm not a glorified referee, I'm a PUNCHING BAG!
You guys wanna keep moaning about the game?
Go right ahead.
Just be careful who's listening.
SHANE: Shit.
SHANE: Evan.
Evan!
Seriously?!
You're gonna yell at everybody and leave?!
Is that how you treat your friends?!
EVAN: Oh, lessons in friendship from you.
That's great.
SHANE: What's that supposed to mean?
EVAN: What, you don't think I know how the media treats LARPers?
Huh?
We're antisocial rejects, we can't handle reality?
My game is not your FUCKING SIDESHOW!
SHANE: You don't think I understand all this?!
I'm a LARPer, too!
EVAN: No, you're not!
You've been doing this for, what, a few months?!
I've been LARPing for over a decade!
You can't understand me!
You're a pretender!
SHANE: I understand that you're clueless.
You hold yourself so high above everybody,
you don't see your friends suffering out there!
Kat! Kat even wants to ask you out.
But, noooo, no!
You just focus on your fucking game and forget about its players.
You know, it doesn't take a decade of experience to see
that makes you a terrible GM and a really shitty friend!
Evan--
ARTHUR: Yup. [sighs]
There goes my ride home.
Yup.