Tam, you're Catholic, right?
Yes.
Explain it to me.
Explain what?
Well, for starters, who do you pray to?
I guess, Jesus, God and Mary.
Jesus isn't God?
No, he's his son.
But you do eat him, and drink his blood.
but not the scary kind.
Like Casper?
Exactly.
And how does the pope work?
Well,
the pope lives in Italy.
He has a special car, and a big pointy hat.
It's a wonderful hat.
And is there anything else I should know about?
Every once in a while,
you have to confess your sins to a priest.
Not me, I don't have any sins.
Then you have the sin of pride.
Your religion is making me feel bad.
That's how you know it's working.
(cart rolling)
Ms. Hutchins, what's your religion?
I'm a Mormon, why?
I'm conducting a research project.
Can you tell me about being a Mormon?
Well, it started in New York,
when a man found gold plates buried underground.
The plates said that,
when we die, we get to go to our own planet.
Unless you're a woman,
then you have to go to your husband's planet.
But that won't be
a problem for me.
I don't have a husband.
All I have is a cat.
A big, mean cat.
Oh...
Maybe I'll get to go to his planet.
Lonely Cheryl on Planet Cat.
I like her. She's funny.
MEEMAW: You're gonna love Ira.
He's a great guy.
Is he your boyfriend?
Well, he's one of them, so let's not bring that up.
(Meemaw chuckles)
-(chuckling): Hey. -MEEMAW: Is this a good time?
Absolutely. Come in, come in.
Ira, this is my grandson Sheldon.
Sheldon, this is my friend Ira.
-Hello. -Howdy.
So Meemaw tells me you're Jewish.
Right to it, huh?
All right, let's do this.
Please, sit down.
Thank you so much for helping out.
Aw, Connie, you know, anything for you.
So, Sheldon,
you hungry?
You want a nosh?
I don't know, I've never eaten a nosh.
(chuckling): Uh, no, a nosh isn't a thing,
it's a... never mind.
Um, would you care for some hard candy?
Are they kosher?
Who are you, my mother?
(laughs)
All right, so what can I do for you?
What's it like to be Jewish?
Oh, it's terrible. I don't recommend it.
-Why? -Well, for starters,
your life is hemmed in by ancient, pointless rules.
There's a lot of yelling, and, uh,
you're probably not gonna get into a good country club.
What about God?
What about him?
Does he play a part in your life?
Well, historically, he's gotten a kick out of punishing us.
What about Jesus?
He was Jewish.
Oh, we've got a lot of celebrities.
Uh, we've got, uh, we got William Shatner,
and Leonard Nimoy...
Kirk and Spock?
I want to be Jewish.
(laughs) Hold on a second.
Hold-- I got a question for you, Sheldon.
When you grow up, are you planning on living in Texas?
Probably.
Then I strongly advise you to stay Baptist.
Maybe even wear a cross.
Why did you move to Texas?
Well, that's simple.
Medford had no Jews, so there was an opening for one.
And you got it? Good for you.
(Ira chuckles)
I love this kid.
Me, too.
Mwah.