- [Male Voiceover] Hey, this is Moshe Kasher.
- [Female Voiceover] And Natasha Leggero.
- [Moshe] And we just got married six months ago.
- [Natasha] Which we think
pretty much makes us qualified
to give love advice to strangers.
- [Moshe] So that's what we did.
We packed up the car, hit the road,
and spread the love.
- [Both] This is The Honeymoon Tour.
- How's breakfast?
- Luxurious.
- I've been down there for two hours.
I found a cave down there
where there was a sea urchin living.
- Why do you pretend like
you don't like luxury, Mosh?
You're clearly having fun here.
- You know what that sea urchin was?
My pussy?
(Moshe laughing)
- Hell yeah.
I do like luxury,
I just don't like the price point.
I would rather spend more money on the vacation
and less money on...
Anyway.
I'm having a good time.
- I think we really helped people last night.
- You really do?
- Uh-Huh.
- Yeah, what's your name?
- Maureen.
- Maureen, and?
- Russel.
- [Moshe] Do you have something specific
you'd like to address?
- So, he doesn't like when my dogs sleep in the bed?
- How many dogs do you have?
- Two, but they're tiny.
- Okay.
- And it doesn't matter.
- That's fair.
No, I think that's fair.
It doesn't matter because it's not about
the size, it's about the idea, right?
- Correct.
It's the idea, it's the fact that they...
Bring in all this stuff from their feet,
and they lick their own ass,
and then they're in the bed,
and then I'm just expected to sleep there, and...
- So you have like, anal-retentive issues?
(Audience laughing)
- OCD kind of thing.
- I am very OCD.
- I happen to sleep with three chihuahuas, but,
he shouldn't be expected.
- You sleep with three chihuahuas?
- I do sleep with three chihuahuas,
yeah, I do.
Don't hug me, I like dogs.
I'm not your ally here,
I'm the opposite, I'm anal...
(Mumbling)
I like anal.
Whatever the opposite is.
- Moshe is the opposite like he's kind of messy,
so he doesn't care.
- [Moshe] I'm a bit of a slob.
Like if Moshe makes a mess,
he runs away from it.
- We've been together for over a year now,
and just...
I'm very committed to her,
but she doesn't like the idea of commitment
to one person.
- Anyways about the dogs, right?
- No, no, no, no.
It doesn't work like that.
(Audience laughing)
Wait.
But that's interesting that
you're a little a bit commitment-phobic,
but what your asking of him
is for him to become incredibly intimate with you
by subverting his own desires,
and let these dogs in the bed.
Yes? No comment?
- You don't like the idea of committed to one person.
- Correct.
- Are you saying you want to be open?
- I did, but.
- But now you've found someone you love.
That's the same with me.
And now I don't want that anymore
because I love her so much more everyday,
and the way in was to allow her
three dogs to sleep in bed with me.
Here's my suggestion.
I have a suggestion.
For a month,
buy a sheet,
the dog sheet.
Okay?
Put the dog sheet over the comforter,
while you guys are laying in bed watching movies,
bring the dogs, they get to hang out,
no restrictions,
then when it's time for sleep,
- And sex!
- Sleep and sex,
you bring the dogs, you let them lick your ass.
- No, you let the dogs,
so the dogs stay up like what he's saying,
that's good, during movie time,
and then "go to your spot"...
- Our dogs by the way,
they know the sound of our orgasms.
Like we're like "go to your spot,"
they're like "okay,"
and they go down there, and we're like (cartoon noises)
Which is what it sounds like every time I come,
and then they just like jump back up,
they're like like "Okay, cool, it's on again."
Can you deal with that?
- I can deal with that.
- That sounds good.
- But would you be willing
to not sleep with your dogs?
- Or any other people.
- [Natasha] It is weird that we're in a time,
cus like, I relate to it,
where you wanna like, sleep with a dog.
- [Moshe] Wait.
You think that...
That we're at the era
of dogs sleeping in your room?
- I think we're at the era
where dogs replace children.
For a lot of
people in their thirties and forties,
and above.
- But I mean the reality of that was
she wanted a polyamorous relationship.
(Natasha laughing)
- That's true.
- The dogs represented "everybody else".
You know what I mean?
- So you think that woman wants to sleep with her dogs
because of her
dream of polyamory.
- I think it's like a metaphor.
You know? If she's afraid of intimacy,
then keeping the dogs there is a kind of
furry wedge between her,
and her furry wedge.
It's like,
you know what I mean?
Psychologically helpful for her.
I bet.
That would be my guess.
But that's so deep in her subconscious
that only a really brilliant psychologist
like me could see that, you know?
- What's your name? - I'm Erin.
- Erin. This is Aaron.
And?
- Cameron.
- [Erin] So, we've been together
the last two years,
and lived together the last year.
But now I'm going to UCLA in the fall,
and he's going back to the East Bay area,
I don't know we just kind of want, like.
Ideas or suggestions for making
a long distance relationship work.
- Okay. And why are you going back to San Ramon?
- I didn't do great in school here,
so I'm gonna like, get my shit together,
back home.
- Okay, you're at City College,
you party too hard,
and now you're going back home
to get your shit together.
- Yes.
- And you're going to UCLA...
- To meet a different dude.
(Audience laughing and oohing)
- That's what I'm worried about.
- Alright.
You know this thing, Sleeper Bus?
It's this new thing where you pay 60 bucks,
and you leave Oakland at like,
11 at night,
and you get into LA at like four in the morning,
I'm gonna suggest Sleeper Bus commitment
for three out of four weekends, for love.
That's what I think.
- That's a good idea. - I can do that.
- And don't get a job where you have to work weekends
you can have those weekends off,
and you know, you might want to...
Ask her to marry you so she feels guilty,
so she'll never... (Audience laughing)
- I mean honestly,
I'm not sure that's the right idea for you,
but homie that is a great idea for you.
One thing I will say is
that long distance relationships over too long,
it starts to...
That whole absence makes the heart grow fonder...
Nah.
No, UCLA makes the pussy grow wetter.
The cute couple that came up last night,
I felt bad for 'em.
- Right, because like.
They both clearly moved to Santa Barbara
to try to go to school.
- They both went to Santa Barbara City College,
he decided to major in malt liquor.
And she decided to do her schoolwork,
she got into UCLA.
He's moving home to go be with his family,
probably go into rehab or something.
And she's going to UCLA to go join a real school
and like.
Meet her her intellectual equals and stuff,
while he like moves back in with his parents.
This is too mean.
- I mean.
It's the reality.
- Reality sucks.
Reality bites, I'm gonna write a movie called that.
Seriously, I'm thinking about it.
- Who was your favorite couple last night?
- You and me.
(Laughing)
(Light jazz music)
- Moshe?
- Yeah?
(Natasha laughing)
- [Moshe] Let's hit the road, bro.
We gotta drive all the way to Palm Springs today.
That's a four and half hour drive.
- I know.