In the town of South Park, romance blossoms in all sorts of places. However, like everything
in this little Colorado town, there’s plenty of bad patches in these romances as well. Whether
they argue on a daily basis or are literally abusive, some of these relationships are very
toxic. However, they’re not all bad because some of South Park’s relationships are healthy as ever.
I’m Caleb with WickedBinge, and this is South Park Relationships: Healthy to Toxic
Now, one quick rule: This video is only for romantic relationships,
but we may talk about familial relationships in the future. Also,
relationships are a two-way street, so no unrequited crushes or anything of that nature.
We’ll be starting our list off with the healthiest relationship and working our
way down until we hit the toxic ones. These are The Healthy Relationships.
Earning the Gold Medal of Healthiness is Big Gay Al and Mr. Slave. Although we don’t see
much of their relationship, we see enough to categorize it this way. Al and Slave are the
premier gay couple in South Park and seem to be one of the few happily married couples in town.
We never see them fight or even get angry at each other, and their relationship seems to be
one of the strongest in the series. They are also known to keep to themselves and stay home just
relaxing on more than a few occasions. They’ve most interacted with the town when they helped
change the meaning of a homophobic slur to mean people who ride Harley motorcycles to get them
away from South Park. It’s no surprise that this wholesome couple ranks at the top.
Grabbing the Silver Medal of Healthiness is fan-favorite gay couple Craig Tucker and Tweek
Tweak. Craig and Tweek started out originally as rivals who were tricked into fighting by
the four main boys. But as the series went on, the two would be constantly paired up,
usually in the background. Due to the high demand of fans wanting this couple to be canon,
the show’s creators ultimately put them into the show. In the episode “Tweek x Craig,” the town
becomes infatuated with the boys getting together. So, the two of them stage a fake breakup. They
then get back together because the town becomes listless due to their breakup. Although they
got together to help the town, they have become a genuine loving couple and are a pretty good pair.
Craig starts out trying to “fix” Tweek’s anxiety, but this causes more problems than it solves.
While Craig tries to give logical solutions, this is not what Tweek needs. Craig grows to learn how
to help Tweek cope, and their relationship becomes stronger than ever. The only reason they don’t get
the gold is that they do have a breakup. It happened during South Park: The Fractured But
Whole after they chose different sides during the Superhero Civil War. However, The New Kid
does help them come back stronger than ever, and they are definitely a very healthy relationship.
But the couple grabbing our Bronze Medal of Healthiness are Kenny McCormick and Kelly.
Kenny and Kelly are a couple during the episode “Rainforest Shmainforest,” where they meet as
part of the choir. She falls in love with him but doesn’t want to commit because they live
across the country from one another. However, after she saves Kenny from dying thanks to a
stray bolt of lightning, she decides that they can try it if they call each other every day. It even
turns out that Kenny took frequent bus trips to visit her when she is mentioned in the following
episode. They are also shown to be dancing in a later episode, even though they do eventually
break up for unknown reasons and we never hear from her again. They grab third place because
they don’t really have enough screen time to show any toxic traits, which honestly is a good thing.
A newer pair on this list, PC Principal and Vice Principal Strong Woman rank next. PC
Principal and Strong Woman are a pairing that was introduced late into the series,
obviously as the new principal and vice-principal of South Park Elementary. The two initially wish
not to date because they are coworkers, and they figured the town wouldn’t react well to that.
However, after Strong Woman gets pregnant, she initially tries to not let people know who the
father is and doesn’t want to be seen as weak. However, the two eventually set aside these ideals
and become a pretty good couple. They support each other in their endeavors such as when PC
Principal tries his best to help her train for the Strong Woman competition. This is also seen when
Strong Woman supports PC Principal after feeling disgraced by his words towards Heather. Despite
PC Principal’s mean streak, this is, funnily enough, one of the best relationships in the show.
Up next on our list is the relationship of Token Black and Nichole Daniels. Token and Nichole get
together due to Cartman’s racist belief that people of the same skin tone should be dating
and didn’t like that Kyle was going to try dating Nichole. Initially, Token was against this because
he didn’t want to fall into Cartman’s trap. Still, after the two are trapped together in a locker
room, they build a strong relationship. The two seem to be a relatively good match for each other.
Sure, Nichole does break it off when she thinks Token said a racist remark.
However, she does get back with him after it is revealed to be Cartman. But that’s not that bad,
considering some of the stuff later down the list. Like all the other girls, she dumps Token during
the protest, and after that, everything seems fine. But, it is revealed to the audience that
the two are trying to make the relationship work. Their relationship is one of the least tumultuous
ones that we see unfold on screen throughout the series, which is nice at the very least.
Up next on our list is the relationship between Steve and Linda Black.
Steve and Linda are the parents of Token. They aren’t explored very often due to Token being
a bit more of a secondary character. However, they are shown to have a pretty good marriage,
and nothing in particular sticks out as toxic about them. They even have
consistent date nights without their son watching movies like Black Panther.
Similarly, the relationship of Sarah and Ryan Valmer is up next. Sarah and Ryan
are the parents of local comedian Jimmy Valmer and are also not explored very often. However,
their marriage is about as good as Steve and Linda’s though they are not good people or
parents. They don’t show toxic traits in their relationship,
but they also don’t have date nights like Steve and Linda. Otherwise, they’re interchangeable.
The next relationship on this list is Butters Stotch and Charlotte. Butters and Charlotte meet
because the boys wish to extend an olive branch to the new Canadian students. The
two then develop feelings for each other and decide to start a slow relationship.
They seem to be relatively good to each other and eventually take the relationship to long-distance
when Charlotte moves back to Canada. The two are seen skyping each other on multiple occasions.
They seem to have a pretty good relationship when they do. However, like most of the girls,
she breaks up with Butters due to the actions of Gerald as an internet troll.
Butters does not react well to this and goes into a fit of rage, followed by
telling him to never contact him again. This is what ranks them below Token and Nichole.
Next are Stan Marsh and Wendy Testaburger, probably the most iconic relationship on
this list to round out the good section. Stan and Wendy have had an on-and-off-again
relationship since the very first episode of the show, and Stan constantly threw up due to
his nervousness when around her. The two of them went on dates consistently before they broke up,
and Wendy started dating Token for no real reason. After the break up they were barely on speaking
terms until they got back together and were shown to be much better together than they were
separate. They show that they love each other enough to hold hands when they paired up and
refused to let go. Stan is shown to be kind of jealous while they’re apart but
super supportive when they’re together. He even cheers Wendy on while she beats Cartman up.
However, Wendy is shown to also be jealous, even getting angry when another girl comments on Stan’s
Facebook page. Wendy is even worried for Stan due to his cynicism and tries to get Kyle to help him.
Wendy does break up with him once more due to the actions of Gerald as the troll known as Skankhunt,
but she is the only girl who shows remorse or reluctance while doing so. They seem to
have gotten back together as of Fractured But Whole, but it’s not really known. In the end,
they fall low because Wendy and Stan are both shown to be heavily jealous on many occasions.
With the healthiest relationships out of the way, we now get into the Gray Area. This is where the
romances start to have at least one glaring flaw that makes them a bit more toxic than others.
Starting our Gray Area is the relationship between Gerald and Shiela Broflovski. They are the best
relationship between the parents of the four main boys and have a pretty decent marriage,
all things considered. They are also the one relationship we see the most of their
bed life because it comes up quite often. This also goes to the point that Gerald is okay with
Shiela cheating on him with Chef, which is its own can of worms. However, their one glaring
flaw is that they are often seen as “master and servant” by others, including Kyle. This
is especially shown when Shiela is protesting. Even if Gerald disagrees, he doesn’t stop her.
This is definitely not the worst thing in the world, but it is definitely worth pointing out.
Maybe a bit higher than expected, but Janet Garrison and Richard Dawkins are next on the list.
After Mr. Garrison’s sex change, she met and started dating a famed figure,
Richard Dawkins. The two seem to have a decent relationship, with Dawkins seemingly turning
Garrison into an atheist. However, this may be because she didn’t want to lose the only man who
had liked her post-operation. They even end up destroying all religions in the future. However,
Dawkins does dump her in disgust after finding out the truth. Despite this, the two never seem
to do anything against each other physically or emotionally, a bit better than usual for Garrison.
The next relationship is that of Kyle Broflovski and Rebbeca Cotswolds. This is one of the
occasional single-episode relationships and the only major one that Kyle is in.
Rebecca is a home-schooled child who doesn’t do very well in social situations until she
meets Kyle. Kyle introduces Rebbeca to the concept of love and even kisses her,
which causes her confidence to surge, accepting Kyle’s invite to the dance. However,
when she gets there, she starts kissing a bunch of the boys present at the dance.
After this, she is never mentioned again. While the relationship started off nice,
it quickly deteriorated, and it’s kind of sad that this is Kyle’s only real romantic relationship.
Up next on our list is the relationship between Kenny McCormick and Tammy Warner.
Kenny and Tammy met at school, Tammy being a fifth-grader while Kenny was a fourth-grader.
Tammy is the only person in school poorer than Kenny’s family. Kenny may or may not have sought
her out due to her reputation for her proclivity to do explicit things behind a T.G.I Fridays.
After finding out it was due to her watching the Jonas Brothers, he decided to buy tickets
to the Jonas Brothers’ show to buy his way into her heart and body. However, even after
Tammy gets a purity ring to stop her from doing anything naughty, Kenny commits to this with her,
showing that he doesn’t always think about the aforementioned act. Sure, she does accidentally
kill him by giving him syphilis, but this was not purposeful. Maybe if Tammy appeared
more often, this relationship could have been redeemed. But as of right now, it lands here.
Craig’s parents Thomas and Laura Tucker are next on our list. At best, Thomas and
Laura have somewhat of a tenuous bond and don’t treat each other the best. Due to not having any
spotlight episodes, however, this relationship isn’t focused on often. But, on the good side
of their relationship, after being kidnapped by the AARP, Thomas does hold Laura in a comforting
manner while she sleeps. The two of them are on the same wavelength in their concern for Craig’s
assumed relationship with Tweek. However, they are shown to have a tenuous and strained relationship.
Laura wasted no time when Trolltrace.com went up to look through Thomas’s search history.
They don’t rank lower because they aren’t abusive physically or mentally, just strained.
The relationship between Bebe Stevens and Clyde Donovan is up next. Now, Clyde has always had
some sort of crush on Bebe during the show, and they are an on-again-off-again relationship
most of the time. But their relationship is explored the most in the Season 11 episode
“The List.” It is revealed that Bebe committed corruption to change the girl’s list of cutest
boys to put Clyde at the top. Now, this wasn’t because she liked him the most,
it’s because Clyde’s dad works at the shoe store in the mall,
and she wanted a discount at the store. It’s revealed that after their first breakup, Bebe
only got back together with Clyde specifically for those discounts. Bebe doesn’t actually like Clyde,
which is terrible for Clyde because he does really like her. This is one of the most manipulative
relationships on this list. It’s not like Bebe beats him or anything. Although Bebe is malicious,
Clyde never does find out. They may still be together, so there may be hope for the boy.
Rounding out the gray area is Stephen and Linda Stotch, the parents of Butters.
Stephen is well known for grounding Butters at every opportunity, and Linda never steps
in to stop this. This is mainly because Linda is seen as quiet and submissive.
However, this changes when Linda finds out that Stephen has been having homos*xual affairs.
Linda is driven insane and tries to kill both Butters and herself.
She then instead thinks that Butters is dead and makes up a fake story alongside Stephen,
showing they are often on the same wavelength. Other than this situation... They are shown to
be a relatively compatible married couple, but it seems like that could change any moment.
But, we now reach the worst relationships in the series. These are The Toxic Relationships.
Starting off the Toxic section is none other than Randy and Sharon Marsh. Randy and Sharon are the
parents of Stan and Shelly and are arguably the relationship we see the most of in the series.
Sharon is the voice of reason between the two and in the family. She is often more sensible
than Randy. However, both are hotheaded, and the two do argue quite often, although we never
see it get physical besides once in the episode “Pandemic”. They have divorced at least twice,
but both times they come back stronger and become almost inseparable for a time. However,
Sharon is consistently seen quite annoyed by Randy’s childish antics. It came to the point that
she grew quite happy when she thought Randy was going to prison. They both confess to faking their
happiness at one point, although they do get back together afterward. Currently, Sharon still grows
annoyed, but she supports Tegridy Farms, and Randy is shown to be slightly supportive of Sharon at
times. Honestly, they can get quite nasty and are not suitable for each other, but we’ve seen worse.
Ranking right outside the bottom three is Herbert Garrison and Mr. Slave.
Both of these characters have already appeared on this list. While they are semi-functional
when apart, not so much so when they were together. When Garrison realized he was gay,
he brought his boyfriend on as a teacher’s aide. True to his name,
Garrison treated Mr. Slave like a slave and didn’t seem to care about his happiness.
He forces Mr. Slave to put things inside him for a wide array of reasons, none of which were any
good. Even after the two broke up, Garrison tried to stop Mr. Slave from getting married,
showing that Garrison is the toxic one, in all honesty. They stopped short of the bottom three
because only one partner was being consistently abused, and the other was obviously the bad guy.
Our 4th place most toxic couple is Stuart and Carol McCormick. Stuart and Carol are the
parents of consistently dying Kenny McCormick and are shown to be stereotypical rednecks.
This is evidenced by the fact that they are shown constantly drinking,
fighting, and doing drugs, and are prone to direct physical abuse against one another.
They are almost always fighting, to the point of throwing beer bottles or bricks,
and severely injure one another on almost a daily basis. They, however,
do sincerely care for one another when they are sober and even seem to be good partners, but they
are drunk more often than not. If they didn’t drink, they would rank much higher on our list.
Similarly, the Bronze Medal of Toxicity goes to Jimmy Valmer and
Nancy. Jimmy and Nancy are only ever a couple in the episode “Up the Down Steroid.” Jimmy starts
taking steroids in preparation for The Special Olympics and goes into testosterone-fueled
rages. During these rages, he severely beats Nancy repeatedly and even beats up
his mother for defending Nancy. He also accuses Nancy of cheating on him while he beats her,
showing that he might be a bit self-conscious. However, Nancy is shown to forgive him and
cheers for him during the Special Olympics, which is not a good look. The fact that they
are just children makes this situation a lot worse than it would be, hence their ranking.
Maybe the most disturbing relationship on our list is Shelly Marsh and Skyler Morse. They earn the
Silver Medal of Toxicity. While Shelly has had a few boyfriends, none of them are as prolific
as Skyler. Shelly becomes interested in Skyler because none of the boys at her school like her.
However, Skyler doesn’t really care about her, as he is only in the relationship for intercourse.
This is a particularly appalling example of a relationship because of the simple fact that
Skyler is 22 and Shelly is 13. Even though Shelly constantly tells him that they can’t,
he continues to try for legal reasons. He eventually breaks up with her because
he can’t sleep with her. Shelly does employ Cartman to get revenge on him, showing that
she was willing to harm him if need be. Shelly does move on from this relationship, and Skyler
does make a few more appearances. Thankfully, this relationship is never explored again.
But, to no one’s surprise, the Gold Medal of Toxicity rightfully goes to Eric Cartman
and Heidi Turner. Cartman and Heidi meet when the two of them are “off the grid,” and they hit it
off. However, Cartman being himself leads him to manipulate and gaslight Heidi in hundreds of ways.
Not only does he threaten suicide if she doesn’t get back together with him after he broke up with
her, but he does this more than once. He treats her terribly, getting so annoyed with how long
she takes to get ready. He is willing to leave her in the woods to die and gets annoyed when she
survives. He manipulates Heidi into hating jews when Kyle tries to make her understand Cartman’s
evils. He isn’t willing to tell her about his bigoted past until she acts more like him
and even tricks her into abandoning her diet. But, Eric is not all at fault because Heidi acts
obvious to this and stays with him because she can’t admit she made a mistake. After
she becomes more like him, she starts treating him worse than he treated her. It gets to the
point that Cartman becomes threatened by her mere presence. In the end, she holds him at gunpoint.
She realizes his manipulations, leading to her breaking it off with him permanently.
But with our spectrum of Toxicity complete… Let’s award some medals:
Grabbing the Pride Medal is PC Principal and Strong Woman who are not only prideful of
the relationship but their children and the way they act in their job.
The Lust Medal obviously goes to Kenny and Tammy,
because Kenny only wants Tammy’s lewd actions at first
Grabbing the Greed Medal is Bebe and Clyde because Bebe
is only in it for the discounts that she can get from Clyde’s dad.
Snatching the Wrath Medal is Jimmy and Nancy,
which is probably the most physically abusive relationship on the list.
Finally, the Gluttony Medal goes to Cartman and Heidi,
because Cartman does make Heidi very fat during their relationship.
But let us know in the comment section if you agree with our ranking. Remember,
if you want more South Park content, subscribe to our new South Park channel. We’ll be covering all
sorts of crazy things that happen in everyone’s favorite little Colorado town. Remember to hit
that notification bell and binge more of our videos. But most importantly, stay wicked.