- How can each of the 16 personalities
(upbeat music) be more attractive?
And no, it doesn't require you buying
any fancy creams or lotions. - Great creams and lotions.
- And I know some of you are like,
"Oh, Frank's just going to say what the weakness
"of each type is and how to fix that," no.
May I say, in fact way I'm gonna approach this
is looking at things that make each personality type
fairly attractive and finding ways to perfect
what you've already got going on for you.
If it ain't broke, don't fix it.
Just fine tune it. Shakespeare said that.
Now ESTPs have the cool factor going for them.
They bring the party wherever they go
and they know how to have a good time.
However, a problem that ESTPs face
is that they can become too cool,
to the point where they become a little standoffish
or even mean to others. (upbeat music continues)
It's like being cool means you appear unaffected by stuff,
but if you take that too far you just appear aloof.
To maximize their attractiveness
they just need to be a bit more approachable
and maybe a little bit nicer.
It doesn't matter if you are the coolest person around
because if you come off as abrasive or self-centered
people aren't gonna wanna be around that too long.
ESFPs are the people you want to have around
if you want to have fun,
'cause they have nearly limitless energy
and they can always brighten up a room,
just like every victim on every true crime show.
He always brightened up a room
until he was murdered. (upbeat music continues)
Anyway, the thing that can push others away though
is that the ESFP doesn't ever really want the fun to end.
And because of that, "Hey guys, let's do this.
"Hey, oh this is fun. Hey look at me.
"I'm doing this fun thing. Come on guys."
It can seem like attention seeking and exhaust others.
I know that's not what you intend.
I'm just saying this is how it comes across sometimes.
ESFPs are like, "No, I want attention. (laughs)
"Guilty is charged."
For ESFPs to maximize their attractiveness
they need to recognize
when it's time to take a break
or when it's time to shine the spotlight on someone else.
Let someone else be the victim in a true crime story.
The attractive traits
of an ISTJ are stability and tenacity.
If you want someone who's gonna keep their promises
and stick with you through struggles
you'll like the ISTJ.
No Frank, I want someone
who will not stick with me through struggles.
I want someone who will abandon me.
ISTJ is not for you. Sorry.
Ironically, what limits the ISTJs attractiveness
is just how dedicated and stable they can be.
Sure, it's great to stay on a schedule
but sometimes their routines
can make the important people in their life
feel secondary or secondary, if you are in England.
It's like if an ISTJs crush asks them out on a Friday night
the ISTJ might turn them down and say,
"Well you know I would, but on Fridays
"I always meal prep for the next weekend
"and I watch my favorite shows," a true crime show
about someone who brightened up a room getting murdered.
It could even just be you go (upbeat music continues)
and hang out with your crush, but they're like,
"Hey, why don't we go try out this bowling alley,"
and you're like, "Ah, I don't really like bowling.
"I'm not gonna do it."
For ISTJs to maximize their attractiveness
they need to be open to breaking out of their routines
and schedules, especially in regard
to the people they care about
or who could be potential partners for them.
Now an ISFJs attractiveness comes from both their patience
and their willingness to help.
They tend to be life's natural supporters,
lifting up those they love.
A problem they face is not focusing enough on themselves.
Basically they can struggle to build their own identity.
They instead define their identity
by their relationships with other people
so they can get really caught off guard
by individualized questions like,
"Hey what do you do for fun?"
The ISFJ might very well answer,
"Well, my friend Robert likes to do blah blah blah
"and my other friend, James, he likes... (laughs)
Frank, you were terrible at coming up with examples.
So to someone else this can make the ISFJ seem,
well, boring,
boring when in reality it's more simple.
It's just that they haven't put a ton of thought
into questions like that and maybe even feel a little bit
uncomfortable when the spotlight is on them.
To be more attractive, ISFJs need to make sure
they cultivate their own personality
and not just remain a reflection
of their friends and family.
ESTJs attractiveness comes from their authoritative
and hardworking personalities.
They're always looking to organize things
and get work done asap.
A problem for them is that
because they're always looking for something to do
they can find themselves getting frequently distracted,
especially from non-work things, like relationships.
It's like you're on a date with someone
and they leave for 15 minutes to take a business call.
Uh. (laughs) Not good folks.
It doesn't exactly make you feel appreciated or desired.
To be more attractive, the ESTJ needs to learn
when to turn off work mode
and to embrace those less productive moments in life,
like just relaxing with other people.
ESTJs need to be able to identify a task
that needs to be done, a thing on their to-do list
that they could very well do right then and then let it go.
Let it be.
ENTJs are attractive because of their competitive nature
which often leads them to compare themselves to others
and thrive in competition.
Well yeah, of course because I said competitive nature.
Because of this ENTJs is can build up a wide collection
of accomplishments and trophies,
whether literal or just trophies of the mind,
I did that thing that one time,
that was cool, I was the best.
And that can lead them to feel like
they are better than others around them
and they're not just making it up,
they can point to stuff and say,
"Yeah, I beat out a bunch of people.
"I can see relatively that I am better than other people
"in these areas."
But what starts as confidence can get taken to its extreme
and come off to others as arrogance or elitism.
For the ENTJ to be more attractive
they need to tone down what can come across as ego
and develop a little humility.
Someone who is both confident and humble,
most people would agree, is quite attractive.
You can know you are the best at something
but still (laughs) not tell everyone.
Now ESFJs can spend so much time managing
and organizing things for the people they care about
that they forget to even include themselves in the equation.
It's like that person who invites all their friends over
for dinner and they spend the whole evening cooking
this elaborate meal for everyone
but then they're like just in the kitchen the whole time
and it's like, "Hey, where's the host?
"I just saw 'em when I came in.
"He's poking his head in every once in a while
"to put food on the table.
"Where is he?" (upbeat music continues)
Because the ESFJs, they just want it to go perfectly
so they won't invest the time to actually enjoy
whatever they're doing for others themselves.
For ESFJs to be more attractive, they need to remember
that they are a part of their friend group,
or whatever group it is,
not just the person who caters to everyone else's needs.
Empathy and warmth are the attractive qualities
you will find in an ENFJ.
Whether understanding a complicated emotional problem
or supporting you in your time of need,
ENFJs are there for you.
They'll be like, "Hey, I heard that you light up a room
"and you are possibly going..."
(laughs) Frank to stop.
What can limit their attractiveness is,
ironically, their desire to help.
Because ENFJs like to help and support people,
sometimes they can be pulled away
from their responsibilities
or even their relationships
to help people that they might not even know that well.
This can leave the people who are interested in them
feeling like the ENFJs just don't have the time
or are too distracted or are just like all over the place
and not in the right head space for anything more
than just being friends.
It's a big thing about the FJ types
who have extroverted feeling
that isn't really talked a lot about,
those types will just like abandon responsibilities,
not get their work done
because they're so focused on the emotion.
It's not very j-like, now is it? At least stereotypically.
For ENFJs to be more attractive,
they just need to remember
to divide their time in a way
that allows them the chance to still be open to investing
in their established relationships.
You might have to let someone suffer (laughs)
a little bit so that you can invest in this other person.
ISTPs are attractive because of their cool,
laid back and logical approach to life.
They have very practical knowledge.
You might call it street smarts
and they can navigate a lot of situations with ease.
Although come to think of it,
a lot of ISTPs are book smart as well.
They're just smart.
A limit to their attractiveness comes from
their knowledge and smarts
not always being the most transferrable.
ISTPs will specialize in one or two areas,
like engineering or coding,
and they don't spend a lot of time doing things
outside of those interests.
It's not like they can't do other things,
they're actually pretty good
at picking up things very quickly,
they just choose not to.
I know that might seem to go against the stereotype
of the ISTP who's just like, oh they're going
between a lot of different stuff all the time.
The thing about this type
is that they are gathering a lot of information
and they don't wanna really narrow down the information
but sometimes the info they're gathering
is just in one area.
They're like a sponge soaking up everything
in that one place and not so much anywhere else.
And this can make the ISTPs come across
as though they are one note to others.
They're just a one trick pony.
They're just a one hit wonder,
which is great if that one note
is what someone else is looking for,
but it can really limit your attractiveness to other people.
So to be more attractive, ISTPs just need to learn
to be open to learning and exploring topics
outside of those areas of their expertise,
especially those areas that might not be so st,
like getting your hands into something
in the physical world and figuring out
how it all goes together.
Maybe try to learn something on the NF side,
maybe a little bit of, (laughs) I don't know,
reiki healing, a little bit of dark psychology.
You got a leg up on the pile
'cause you're watching Frank James. (laughs)
INTPs attractiveness comes from their formidable intellect
and problem solving skills, with a z.
As well as their quirky nature.
But this can get limited when an INTP gets into
a too-smart-for-you type of mindset
where they just start to judge people
based on their intellectual ability.
And sometimes INTPs aren't even really judging people.
It just kind of comes across that way
because you're like, "Oh hmm, you don't know that weird,"
and other people might be like
"He thinks I'm dumb. He thinks I'm fool."
Being smart is attractive but being arrogant,
or at least coming across as arrogant, isn't.
Coming across as a Mr. Know-it-all Smartypants Egghead,
it's not what you wanna lead off with your dating profile.
It's one of the quickest ways to push away new people,
or even old people, go to a senior living. (laughs)
Why are you going there, Frank?
For INTPs to be more attractive
they need to develop patience towards those
who might not be as quick witted as them
or those who don't have all the same knowledge as them.
ISFPs are attractive (upbeat music continues)
because they are unapologetically themselves
and they're deeply passionate.
Yet sometimes others can see the ISFP
as being too interested in those specific passions
and therefore unavailable.
It's like, sure, I can talk to you for an hour
about the Beatles top 10 best hits,
but after that it might be fun
to talk about something else,
like maybe something that I like.
That's the thing about the ISFP,
is that if they love something
it is just hard for them to realize
that other people might not feel exactly the same way.
So for ISFPs to be more attractive they have to remember
not to overpower their interactions with others
by obsessing over their own interests.
Now when it comes comes to emotional depth
INFPs might take the cake.
They treat their emotions and values seriously
and their thoughtfulness can be quite attractive to others.
What can be unattractive to others
is when the INFP doesn't come up for air, if you will.
I mean, they submerge themselves down
in a deeply emotional state for long periods of time,
like days or weeks, just reflecting on something.
And I mean, that's cool.
That's like one of your superpowers
is to be able to like feel the emotions deeply
and like process them and like really figure them out.
And a lot of times that turns into something amazing,
something creative like a song, a book,
or you can even take it into your interactions with others
to understand their emotions.
But when you're in the midst of those periods of processing,
(groaning) it doesn't look good.
I think this is where the INFP gets the bad wrap
of being like depressed all the time.
You're not really depressed
you're just kind of in the zone
and it can be difficult to kind of pull an INFP
out of that when they get into it.
For the INFP to maximize their attractiveness,
they just need to be aware of how those periods
of intense emotion and processing
can come across to others and be off putting to others.
So the INFP needs to actively try to come to the surface
and experience life every so often during those times.
Now you'll find ENTPs are attractive
because they're funny, smart and have a quick wit.
They can turn any situation into something new and exciting.
What limits their attractiveness
is that their mind can be so quick
that it forgets the important things in life,
like birthdays, important deadlines,
even dates in worst case scenarios.
And I don't just mean dates on the calendar.
I mean like, "Oh, I'm supposed to go out
"with Sally to dinner tonight."
It's easy to get a little bit put off
by someone who forgets to text you back
because they were working on a project.
Sure, once or twice is forgivable.
But when the pattern emerges
many people will start to feel unimportant to you.
For ENTPs to maximize their attractiveness
they need to learn to prioritize
and keep track of the people in their life
who care about them and to weed out
those competing distractions.
Life is never dull with an ENFP around
as their most attractive traits are related
to their spontaneity and creativity.
But what is genuinely natural spontaneity
can make other people feel like
they are last minute inclusions if the ENFPs aren't careful.
For example, if an ENFP texts someone on Friday night
that they want to hang out right then,
it can make that person feel like
they were just the fallback plan for Friday
because the ENFP would've thought, you would think,
to ask a little bit ahead of time
and make a plan if they cared about
that person's schedule or time.
Of course, for the ENFP, they're like,
"No, it just came into my head right now
"and you're the first person I thought of.
"I really want to hang out with you."
But that's not how it comes across,
unless of course the other person is an ENFP
and they're like, "Oh my gosh, that's great,"
but you can't count on that.
For the ENFP to be more attractive,
they just need to remember
that not everyone lives as spontaneously as they do
and sometimes a plan, even just a little one,
or a general idea, or even just like,
"Hey Friday, put it in your calendar.
"Maybe we'll do something. (upbeat music continues)
"Not sure what it is but I'm telling you now,"
that can go a long way
in making someone else feel appreciated.
Stoic, reclusive and focused.
The INTJ is often most attractive
when they aren't trying to be attractive.
Their attractiveness comes from their ability
to achieve goals that other people thought were impossible.
They tend to be the least attractive when,
well, they are trying to be attractive.
Like smooth talking doesn't come too naturally to INTJs
so when they try to at attract others
in that kind of unnatural way,
it can come across as awkward,
a bit stilted, maybe even creepy.
It's like they go up and try to flirt with someone
and they're like,
"Hey, what are your professional goals for the future?"
Yeah, it's just that doesn't come across very suave.
For INTJs to be attractive,
they need to do what they do best.
Focus on those goals with the added caveat
that they can't push people away
who might want to help or get involved.
Instead of showing false confidence
it's better for an INTJ to show their confidence
in an environment where others can see them
when they're acting naturally,
when they are naturally doing their thing,
much more likely to attract people.
INFJs are known for being pretty good at fitting in
with almost any group of people.
You might hear the INFJs referred to as the chameleon.
This is because the INFJs will often say
a bunch of stuff that they know will make
whomever they're talking to feel good.
On the surface, this makes INFJs pretty immediately likable
to a wide variety of people
because they can lay on the charm.
This can be a double edged sword though,
because as people get to know an INFJ more,
they may pick up on "Hey, all the stuff you're saying,
"it doesn't really mean anything.
"It just feels like you're kind of saying
"what you think we want to hear."
This can be interpreted as being a faker daker,
which, if you didn't know, is fairly unattractive.
So to be more attractive INFJs might need
to do something counterintuitive,
which is, don't try to get along with literally everyone.
I'm not saying go out and antagonize a bunch of people.
I'm not saying go out and make a bunch of enemies.
But sometimes putting your own thoughts
and opinions out there,
even when you know other people are gonna disagree
and not like it, that can be more attractive
than if you just keep laying on the charm,
which is ultimately just fluff.
Thanks for watching, until next time
stay cool and attractive.
♪ They say a stranger's come to town ♪
♪ They call him Mr. Frank James ♪