What is the worst movie you've ever seen?
No, I'm not talking about "Transformers 2" or "Grown Ups 2".
I mean, a movie so bad, so fundamentally broken,
that it leaves a pit on your stomach,
or makes you feel frustrated and angry beyond any reasonable measure.
This is a question I've been asking myself for a while, and I think it's about time to do something about it.
So I've pulled up the list of the bottom 100 lowest rated movies on IMDb
and I'm going through them one by one to find the worst movie ever.
Welcome to "The Search for the Worst".
[IHE Theme]
"Demon Island" is the worst thing in the history of anything ever.
Actually...
It's really not.
"Demon Island" is not worth the energy to have, well, any strong reaction to it either way.
With some of the other films in "The Search for the Worst", like "Birdemic" or "Foodfight!",
the whole experience feels like a roller coaster of emotions.
You'll laugh. You'll cry.
And you'll end up being so bored and frustrated that you'll never want to watch a movie ever again
But "Demon Island"...it's just so...
so nothing.
The biggest reaction I had to it was a quiet
'Tsuh'.
And that was only because the special effects are so laughably atrocious.
Right off the bat, I was completely confused.
The title card says this movie is called, "Piñata Survival Island",
when on IMDb, it's listed as "Demon island".
[I] guess it's like the way "Druids" is listed on IMDb.
And when I first saw the poster, I assumed it was just called, "Survival Island",
not noticing the huge "piñata" text right above it.
So combine all three and I suppose we get the real title,
"Piñata Survival Island".
Officially the worst movie title in the history of anything ever. What does it even mean?
I guess we'll find out.
The opening epilogue is this bizarre scene, where this tribe of island people make a piñata out of clay
because they've been struck with famine and drought.
Their logic Is that if they make an evil piñata and cast it out to sea, maybe their starvation will end?
Basically, it's a convoluted excuse for a stupid-looking piñata to come to life and kill a bunch of teenagers.
[Narrator] "The evil will remain locked inside by the magically charged clay."
[Narrator] "But should the sinful force be awakened,"
[Narrator] "an unholy terror would be unleashed upon mankind."
[Narrator] "A terror with the craving for the eternal power of innocent souls,"
[Narrator] "bringing death and destruction to all in its path."
We go forwards a few years, and on these two boats are the main characters in the movie.
I don't think I've ever hated an entire cast of characters so quickly.
I always thought that the first act of your horror movie was supposed to introduce you to the characters
and make you like them, then-
Ah, fuck it. Who cares
I made a prediction while these cringeworthingly awful college frat asshole were shooting each other with water guns
and throwing things at each other.
That all of them are going to die. All except two of them.
One girl and one boy, specifically.
And I'm not going to spoil if I was right or wrong in my prediction,
but I was completely spot-on for the most part.
So if you can't stand any character within the first 10 minutes of your murder horror movie,
what becomes important?
Well, the murders, of course!
And luckily, "Demon Island Piñata Survival Island",
that's what I'm going to call it now,
doesn't fuck about in this respect.
It only takes 20 minutes for the first person to be killed by the piñata.
Yes, those are words I...did just say.
But before we move on to the slightly interesting events,
You should at least hear why all these teenagers are on the island in the first place.
Okay, so I'm no Yank, so I don't really understand the whole college fraternity nonsense,
but from what I understood,
they are here to complete some weird college frat challenge.
The challenge in question being, which group of two handcuffed together teens
can find the most pairs of underwear hidden around the lush jungles of Demon Island Piñata Survival Island.
Yeah, I did. I did just say that.
So while the various twosomes are looking around for underwear hanging in various jungle foliage,
one pair stumbles across the evil piñata.
[Bro] "What is it?"
[Blondie] "I think it's a piñata."
[Bro] "Pretty scary looking, huh?"
They somehow immediately recognize it as a piñata,
even though it looks more like a huge clay devil statue,
and then find a rock to smash it open.
[Bro] "Perfect."
[Bro] "That is like the fucking perfect rock."
Poetry.
Absolute fucking poetry.
They bash the piñata open and then it kills the bloke and the girl runs away.
From here on, it keeps cutting to various quick shots of the piñata stumbling around and using its predator vision
to try and find more dumb teenagers to murder.
Let's just get this out the way.
The piñata itself looks...looks unbelievably terrible.
Supposedly when they originally film the movie, it was just an actor in a shitty rubber suit.
And you can still see the remnants of it in some shots.
But the final cut was deemed,
[really close to mic] NOT SCARY ENOUGH,
so they went back and added in the worst CG effects they could possibly get.
It's not quite "Birdemic" CG bad,
but my lord, it's atrocious.
It's obviously completely rushed,
hence why you can never see the thing move for more than 1 or 2 seconds.
Then at various points in the movie it starts randomly morphing into completely different creatures.
At one point, it looks like a towering demon thing from a video game.
Then it turns into something that looks like it came from a particularly bad episode of "Doctor Who".
It's one of the worst and most unnecessary uses of CG I've seen in one of these movies.
The worst CG shot is when the piñata is in its demon form thing
and it decides to throw a stick at a lady.
And it somehow flings back to him like it's a boomerang or something.
Physics everybody!
To give this movie a fair shake though, there are some nice violent, practical gore effects,
like when, for some reason, the demon decides to smash someone's head in with a shovel,
or when he straight up pulls some guy's knob right off his body.
So the majority of this movie is the girl, who escaped the first attack, trying to convince everyone
there's a killer piñata on the loose.
[Girl] "This was not done for food."
[Dude] "No."
[Girl] "Need any more proof?"
Okay, take away the fact that we know, as the audience, there's a killer piñata in this universe.
Would a random dead deer really prove its existence at all? Even in the slightest?
No.
No, it wouldn't. Pointless scene. Move on.
We then have one of the most 'because movie' moments I've ever seen.
For absolutely no reason at all,
one of the teenagers just happens to know the legend of the killer piñata that was shown at the beginning of the movie.
This scene serves no purpose.
It literally just repeats what we already know.
[Dude] "There's this old Mexican folklore I studied about..."
[Dude, barely audible] "that fits with Lisa's description."
[Dude] "Tells a story of Magaña, a small remote village in Central America..."
[Other Girl] "It had a killer piñata?"
[eyeroll]
[Dude] "The village was prosperous, until suddenly, famine and disease consumed it."
[Dude] "The shaman figured that it was the sins of the people that brought on this curse,"
[Dude] "so he decided to perform a ceremony."
[Dude] "To rid the land of the evilness in their hearts."
[Dude] "What!?"
They explained that they needs to stick together and not split up.
[Dude] "It's stupid for us to split up."
[Dude] "It's good way to find yourself waking up dead."
[Token Black Guy] "I agree with that."
Then one guy gets a stone in the shoe and splits up from the group to get it out.
Then he gets hanged by the piñata.
[Token Black Guy] "I'm okay. Just go ahead."
[Kyle Dude] "No, we'll wait."
[Token Black Guy] "Kyle. It's ok, man. I just got this rock in my shoe that's driving me crazy."
[Token Black Guy] "I'll catch up."
[Kyle Dude] "Hey, easy on the water."
[Token Black Guy] "Kyle."
[Token Black Guy] "I'm serious, man. Go ahead."
[Kyle Dude] "Alright, let's go."
[Goodbye, Token Black Guy]
[sound of soul being ripped from body]
What's going on with his face?
Nothing like this has happened prior to this.
One of the girls really needs to pee.
So she pees, while looking around scared.
Then the demon piñata comes down and cuts one of the other girl's heads off.
[Kyle Dude] "Ugh...bitch!"
Well...at least you can hit the target with a knife.
Ain't that right, random soldier from "Druids"?
The pee girl runs off scared, and then gets killed in one of the worst effect shots in the entire movie.
[Pee Girl] "C'mon Lisa-"
[demonic high-pitch screeches]
Whoa! Did you hear that?
Wha-...th-...d-did you hear that?
I'm pretty sure that's the exact sound effect they use in the "Jurassic Park" films for the velociraptor.
Listen again.
[piñata screech]
[velociraptor screech]
[it's the same sound]
That's probably the last noise I'd imagine a killer piñata making. Huh.
So the final part of the movie is pretty much identical to "Predator".
[Kyle Dude] "It's time for us to stop being hunted and start doing the hunting."
[adventure paradigm shift music]
They set a trap and then explode the piñata.
And that's the end...I-I guess.
"Demon Island Piñata Survival Island" wasn't painful.
It wasn't really entertaining either.
I guess it's a movie that exists.
I'm pretty certain any average movie watcher would despise everything about this terrible movie.
Because it totally is terrible.
I would have usually highlighted a 'fuck this movie' moment, but it doesn't have one.
There's no scene I can even remember clearly.
Nothing stands out.
One of the only positives I can think of is that it's over quickly and only an hour and 20 minutes.
But in my head, I just keep thinking about the much worse films I've had to endure for "The Search for the Worst".
By no means would I recommend this dogshit.
It doesn't have any of the innocence or charm that something like "Druids" or "Zaat" had.
And it's not insulting like "Foodfight!" or "The Oogieloves".
It's not the best and it's not the worst.
It sits somewhere in the boring middle. Which in a sense, is almost the worst thing a movie can be -
completely boring, predictable, and forgettable.
[Lady] "Yeah, you're right."
[Kyle Dude] "God dammit."
[Canny American Accent] And up next in "The Search for the Worst" is...
Well..."Troll 2".
I guess it's about time to face it
It's supposed to be revered as the best worst movie ever, but we'll see about that.
"Demon Island Piñata Survival Island"...
What an ultimately boring waste of space that piece of shit is, huh?
So what do you think does?
Does it look entertainingly good to you or does it deserve its place in the nebulous, boring middle space.
Make sure to tell me if you enjoyed or didn't enjoy the video in the comments below.
Maybe you could even mention a movie I've not thought about watching for "The Search" yet.
No matter what it is, feel free to tell me.
Make sure to check out my other videos, and as always...
Thanks for watching. All comments and ratings are appreciated. I'll see you next time.
BYE.