-My name is Erin.
My name is Amanda.
-And we're getting married! -And we're getting married!
Erin and I met during Pride.
Well, we didn't actually meet, I saw her during pride.
I recorded her on my social media
and I put the caption underneath,
"Ah, look at bae killin' it."
Mind you, I didn't know her.
So, like, four months later, I slid in her DM and I was, like,
you know, "I think I might have a video of you."
When Amanda sent me that video,
it really took everything out of me.
I was just, like, "All right, I can go on any
and all dates you want to go on, girl."
-Yep. -Mm.
So pretty.
Pride is like Erin's element.
So, I was, like, what other place and time to propose to Erin?
[people cheering]
I'm, like, so nervous right now.
I don't know what to expect.
-Parents are meeting for the first time.
-Yeah.
Siblings meeting for the first time.
I would love to focus on boundaries.
I don't feel like they respect our relationship
because we're two females.
And, for me, I just would really like
all the artificial or superficial stuff to end.
I want it to be a real connection with you and my mother.
-Yeah, it's fake, it's fake. -A real connection with me
and your sisters and everyone. Like, I want it to be real.
Wow.
-Oh, this is beautiful. -Hello.
-Hi. -Hi.
Welcome to Family or Fiance.
-Oh, thank you. -Thank you.
-How are you? -Good, good.
-Good. Exciting. -This is your new house.
-This is awesome. -It's beautiful.
-Beautiful. -Yes, it is.
So, go on in,
take a look around and I'll meet you in my office.
-Okay, sounds good. You ready?
-Yeah, come on, let's go.
All right.
[indistinct] Feels like you might push.
Oops, there we go.
Wow.
-This is a house? -This is happening.
Oh, this is gorgeous.
It's all bougie.
-Wow.
-Like, if you argue in a place like this,
-there's something wrong with you.
-Something.
-I feel like Joan in Girlfriends. Hello.
-Yeah.
-[sings note]
-[knocking on door]
-Hello.
-Come on in.
-Thank you.
Welcome to my office. Have a seat.
Congratulations on your engagement, first of all.
-Thank you.
-Thank you, thank you.
I mean, what is it that made you want to get married?
You know, when you're so committed to someone,
you just can't see yourself living without them,
and it gets past that infatuation and you just...
that person really just becomes your piece of the puzzle, so.
Now, have you both only dated women?
-Nope.
-No, I've dated men as well, yeah, before.
-Okay.
-Mm-hmm.
I just asked because, like,
I know that's partly an issue with the families.
-Yes. -Yes.
I remember my sister saying, "You just popped up gay."
And I was, like, "I was born this way."
-Right.
-But you know that--
I never really had a coming-out story
and I think that's a blessing for me
because I've heard so many, you know, tragic stories,
but I'm not sure how that feels for...
for my family. I never really thought about it in that aspect.
When I came out, it was like I had to keep coming out
and coming out and coming out.
So every time I would visit my mom, I had to re-explain,
"Nope, still gay."
Why is that?
-Um, I don't know, I think she thought it was a phase.
-Okay.
And then, with my father,
it was very negative for a long time with him.
But he did a complete 180, he loves Amanda,
but I think my mom still is just hoping that one day
-I'll probably call her up and say...
-Wow.
-...it was all a phase, you know.
-What's that like?
-Sucks. -Yeah.
Like, we were best friends, literally high school and college,
and our relationship was very strong, and now it's not.
Amanda, how's your relationship with your family, your mom?
It's nonexistent. There is no relationship.
I was raised with my grandmother, and my younger siblings
were raised with my mom.
If it wasn't for my sisters,
I probably would never even know how she's doing or anything.
It's interesting to imagine
-how the mother things play out in your relationship.
-Yeah.
You know, what I don't have with my mom, Erin has that.
And, so, when they're not getting along, it bothers me.
Her mom and I actually had a really great relationship,
so I thought.
I told her, I said, "Hey, you know, I'm thinking about proposing to Erin in June,
how do you feel about that?" And it was crickets.
I thought she hung up the phone.
Tell me how long between when you started dating
and when you got engaged.
We've been engaged two years, so about three years,
we were dating three years.
-So, you've been together five years total?
-Five years total.
So, she had some time to get used to this,
-it wasn't like it was coming out of nowhere.
-She had time.
-Okay.
-Erin, who's coming from your family?
My father, Will, my mother, Stephanie,
and my brother Juilian.
I'm not nervous, um, about anything.
I'm looking forward to it.
I think there is a portion of her
that feels a little animosity to Amanda.
She's, like, "She's bringing a wedge between me and my daughter."
And my dad's issue is are we ready to get married?
My brother, Juilian-- when I came out,
I never told my brother or had that conversation with him
because my mother actually wanted to protect him,
or it wasn't something he needed to know.
-So he knows now, though? -Yes.
So, do you feel like she keeps it a secret from people?
-Yes. -Oh.
Amanda, who's coming from your family?
So, my mom is coming. Her name is April.
My sisters Aliyah and Alisha, they're twins.
Their issue with Erin is that they have a lot of misconceptions about her.
And my mom, I think she wants to be a part of my life,
but she knows that we have things to fix.
And if we don't fix that,
then this marriage is only gonna widen the gap between,
you know, her and our relationship.
-Have your families met each other?
-No.
-This is gonna be a first?
-Yes.
-So, I'm gonna give you a task.
-Okay.
-Erin, your task is cakes and questions.
-So, you're gonna taste potential wedding cakes...
-Oh, so cute.
-...and they're gonna ask you questions.
-Okay.
-And it's all about getting to know you better.
-Yeah.
-Yep.
-Amanda, your task is Fears in a Hat.
-Okay.
-So, they're gonna put their fears...
-Wow.
-...on pieces of paper and put them in a hat.
You're gonna pick them out
and just start to dialog around some of these issues.
-Okay.
-And if you don't get the blessings,
do you feel like you'll still move forward
with your relationship and the wedding?
I don't think we would move forward having this relationship
and a separate relationship with our family.
-Mm-hmm. -So, I hate to say it,
but it's kind of like an all or nothing.
-Wow.
-Yeah.
We've got our work cut out for us.
Yeah.
-All right, so the families are on their way.
-Okay.
-You ready? -We're ready.
It's gonna be great.
My anticipation, like, it's giving me butterflies.
Yeah. I'm not nervous about seeing my family,
I'm nervous about seeing yours.
I'm nervous about seeing mine.
My biggest fears about bringing our families together
is that this won't be a positive experience.
Beautiful. Look at them pretty flowers.
You're right.
My first interaction of meeting Erin was at my graduation in 2019,
and I haven't seen her since.
[knocking on door]
Oh.
-Welcome, family. -Well.
Hi.
-You damn look so good. -You do, too.
-Hi, girl. You look good. -How are you?
-Good. -Welcome.
I knew you were gonna be packing.
Hi, girls.
-How are you?
-So, we're gonna give you guys a tour.
-Yes.
-Okay.
The experience I would like is for my mom and Amanda
to get a little closer and a better understanding on their relationship.
I want to get an understanding myself
before they do continue on...
Yes.
I had Amanda with me until she was five,
then she lived with my mom.
We've never had a conversation
about her true feelings of my absence.
-We've all grown, so we just have to move on.
-Yeah.
Because I'll be 55 next month.
I have three daughters, I don't only have two.
-Right, yeah. -Right.
Yes.
-All right. Good. -Thank you.
My first impression of Amanda, I really didn't get to know her that well.
She seemed, um, very quiet.
With them getting married,
I don't know how I feel. I'm conflicted.
Why do you look so awkward? Come on, girl.
You look good, Mama. You look so beautiful.
You look good, girl.
-You okay? -Mm-hmm.
-Hey, little brother, come on! -Hi, baby.
-Mwah. -Hey, old man.
What's up, girl?
Good to see you, old man.
-You look nice. Dad looks so good.
-It's a beautiful house.
-All right. So, this is my mom,
-Hello, everyone.
-Stephanie.
-Hello.
-I'm April. I'm Amanda's mom.
-Oh, hi, April.
-How are you?
-I'm her sister.
-Nice to meet you.
-Alisha and Aliyah.
-[indistinct conversations]
Well, this is Alisha and Aliyah.
How you doing, twins?
[laughter]
Hi, everybody.
So, obviously, we're getting married.
And, before we walk down that aisle,
we want to address any concerns.
Dad, let's start with you.
My only concern is, Amanda, your financial growth.
What do you see far as whose responsibility inside the house
and outside the house?
Marriage, it's a contract, it's a commitment,
even when you don't like each other.
All right. Juilian, what are your concerns?
Amanda is so, mostly, a stranger to me.
We haven't talked much, and this is the first time I've met her family.
And it's also a fact that
you two might not be fully ready yet.
Thank you.
Okay.
Mom?
I don't know Amanda.
We don't have a relationship.
And you just don't marry each other,
you kind of marry the family as well.
And I need to know you.
Thank you.
All right.
Alisha, little sister, we'll go with you.
What are your concerns?
The only concerns is how I feel about how other people look at you.
Not everybody accepts two women dating,
and that's my concern, is your safety.
Right, thank you. Aliyah?
Not knowing your family at all, and this is
my first time meeting them,
could our families combine and actually be together?
Because we have to after that.
Also, I would like to understand
my sister and my mom's relationship before you guys
make that big step.
Okay. Thank you.
Mom, so, what are your concerns?
I don't know, Erin,
and your presentation of her to us was not right.
Your lifestyle should have been something that came to us first.
We could have absorbed that first,
and then met Erin, and then we could absorb that one.
My biggest concern is you and I.
We need to get past us to get past this.
Having a relationship with my mother is so taxing on me
and my mental health.
I don't think having a relationship with her matters to me.
Sorry.
That's okay, baby, don't cry.