Hello everybody, it’s Christy Whitman with the Quantum Success Show where you can get
your information and inspiration to create your desires.
I am so excited.
As you can see I have a beautiful woman next to me.
This is a very, very dear friend of mine.
I’ve known Arielle for 15 years and Arielle Ford is just amazing.
She spent the last 25 years living and promoting consciousness through all forms of media.
She is the author of the international bestseller The Soulmate Secret: Manifest the Love of
Your Life with Law of Attraction.
Her next book, turn your Mate into Your Soulmate debuts this month.
Offers women groundbreaking shifts in perceptions on how to transform the relationship to a
deeper more loving and more fulfilling lifetime love.
So Arielle has been called the Cupid of consciousness in the fairy godmother of love.
She lives in La Jolla, California with her husband and soulmate Brian Hillard and their
feline friends.
So Arielle, I cannot believe I have not had you on the show before.
I just have to say this…
When I first became an author…
I know you know the story…
When I first became an author I don’t know 15 years ago I had a reading with an intuitive
and she said exactly what I was going through.
She goes, you just wrote a book.
All of your family and friends have purchased it.
You need to connect with a woman named Arielle Ford.
I didn’t even question it.
So I went and bought a program that you had on creating a platform and getting your message
out there.
I followed everything you did and so yours was literally the first steps to get me to
where I am today.
Since then you and I have developed a really beautiful friendship and I’m just so glad
you’re here.
Thank you.
It’s so fun to be here.
I’m so happy that program helped.
Absolutely…
Your books and what you represent in your relationship with Brian is just really amazing.
I am thrilled that you actually wrote this book.
There’s so many people that are in relationships but they are not in that deep fulfilling kind
of relationship that they could be.
You’ve created that.
You’ve had it since day one with Brian.
So what made you go ahead and now write this book?
You know after I wrote the soulmate secret which I used to manifest my soulmate 18 years
ago.
I saw some of my married friends started asking me things like it was really nice you wrote
a book for your single friends but can you tell me how to turn my mate into my soulmate?
And I started thinking about that for several years and I realized that that is the book
I wish I had been given as a wedding gift.
Because when I first got married I was a master manifester.
I could manifest anything and I did manifest is great soulmate to get married too.
But Christy, I had no partnership skills.
I was really good at being the boss.
I knew how to run a business, run the team but I was clueless how to be a good partner.
And it brought up a lot of issues.
Even though I wanted to be a great wife, I just didn’t know what I didn’t know.
So I committed myself to becoming a student of love and that’s what I’ve been doing
really the last 16, 17 years is really focusing on what does it take to have a great relationship?
And during that time I’ve done 130 hours of interviews with the world’s top love
and relationship experts.
People like John Gray, Harvel Hendrix, Allison Armstrong and Gay and Katie Hendrix.
All of the top top Researchers and then I took the best of their material that I enjoyed
in interview and I tried it out in my own relationship.
I actually road tested it.
So turn your mate into your soul mate is really the best comprehensive guide on what it takes
to make a relationship work even if you are at the point where you think it’s over.
You know because I wrote this book for women whether you’re at the beginning of the relationship
or thinking you’re at the end On the stuff that I didn’t know.
The knowing of which changes everything.
Stuff like…
Christy do you know what the one thing men want more than sex is?
Appreciation…
Respect…, Respect if you add respect and appreciation together…
They will almost give up sex for that.
That is how important it is to them.
But nobody ever told us that.
But then we think that if we tell them what we want, they’re going to give it to us.
No, they won’t.
Because usually we’re telling them when we are yelling, screaming, whining or complaining
or have some bitchy tone in our voice.
There are actually ways to get a man to give you anything that you want if you know the
right way to ask for it.
I actually put scripts into the book that actually give you the words to say so you
don’t even have to figure it out for yourself.
So the book has become 16 different easy fun simple things that you can do to turn your
mate into your soulmate.
I love it.
I know that you let me kind of peak at the book before and you are asking for more like
my feedback because of my relationship and that sort of thing.
During that time I was going through a rough patch with my husband.
There are points in that book…
Because I don’t care who you are…
Like me I didn’t know how to partner well with someone.
I could attract someone in my life but then it’s like his patterns and my patterns were
so perfectly match with law of attraction it was unreal.
So we bumped up some things that were hard to get through.
So your book actually helped me in many ways.
One thing that I got from that was that I kind of lost respect for him.
He didn’t feel that respect.
I was able to regain some respect where I had lost it and in that he feels closer to
me.
I feel closer to him.
So thank you for that.
Because just letting me take a sneak peek at it has already helped our relationship
so much.
I’m really happy to hear that.
You bring up a really good point.
Because we live in this myth that when we are with our soulmate that the relationship
is going to be really easy and effortless and we are going to live happily ever after.
And really nothing could be further from the truth.
Because when you’re with your soulmate, part of the sacred contract of that relationship
is to give you a safe container, safe place to live to allow all your childhood wounds
to surface and be healed.
Because the one thing nobody ever talks about is how healing a soulmate relationship is.
With that feeling comes conflict, pain, and disappointment, and frustration.
That is normal.
That is totally normal.
In fact, John…
Who is one of the world’s leading marriage researchers…
When I interviewed him he told me that every couple, not just some but every couple has
a minimum of nine irreconcilable differences.
Nine…
Probably more.
These are things with which you are never ever going to agree on.
So then how to have a great relationship?
You learn amazing communication skills.
You learn creative solution and problem solving.
You find ways to love and respect each other in spite of the differences and because of
the differences.
Because it’s that old saying opposites attract is really true.
If you didn’t have any polarization you would have no sex drive.
You’d just be living with your best friend who is what Allison Armstrong calls a hairy
version of yourself.
It’s true because now the things that I appreciate the most about Frederic were things
that used to drive me crazy a couple years ago because I wanted him to do things like
me.
I wanted him to go at my pace.
I wanted him to complete and process the things…
You know…
He likes to dabble and do dabble and dabble.
I am a have a task get it done and don’t leave things….
You see you and I are exactly alike.
Brian and I had the same issue.
You know you put something in front of me it is done like that.
I put something in front of him and four days later…
Oh how are you coming with the XYZ contract?
Oh, I’m going to look at that next week.
I had to learn to understand that where I might look at a document once and just be
okay if it was good enough.
He would look at it five or six or seven times and then marinate over it and mull over it
and think about it until it was just perfect.
Because we had different ways of seeing and processing the world but I was unable to accept
that for the longest time.
I just thought what’s the matter with this guy?
Why is going for a run more important than doing this?
Because I wanted it done now because that’s my process.
Now life is so much easier because I actually understand that he needs this much time whereas
I only need this much time.
So I think you and to the great roommates probably.
I’m not sure our sex life would be so great…
We have a problem in the bedroom Arielle.
I am really thrilled to be even just be having this conversation with you because of the
fact that so many different things that I pulled from your book I have applied in my
relationship with him and it has improved.
And we had a great relationship anyway but it’s like you are saying…
I think people think that relationships…
When have a soulmate…
It’s going to be perfect and there’s not going to be those issues.
And it is like what you do?
It’s almost like panic when your soulmate now you’re arguing or you’re not agreeing
on the same type of thing.
It is about communication.
How do you let both people show up in the authenticity of who they are and then be able
to navigate with each other in that so that it is that dynamic.
Because it’s an energetic bing, bing, bing… you know it’s a binging off and how do you
navigate through that?
And the other thing to really understand this people live in this myth that love is the
feeling.
How do I know if I love you?
Well I feel love for you.
That is like this much of what love is.
Because love is a behavior.
It’s a decision, it’s a choice, it’s a commitment, it’s a vow.
So I always tell people hey, listen…
Manifesting the soulmate is the easy part.
Learning to live with them is where the work is and there are going to be days when you
don’t feel like you love them.
But you have to be strong enough and committed enough to say I’m going to love you even
on the days I don’t like you.
It’s big, it’s huge…
Absolutely.
The other thing is..
Is that there’s a lot of people who are kind of on the fence these days.
They’re kind of thinking maybe the grass is greener somewhere else.
Maybe I’m disappointed.
Yes, he was once my soulmate in our not so sure.
Here’s something to remember before you go take that big leap.
We already know that 50% of first marriages end in divorce.
That what people don’t know is 64% of second marriages and 73% of third marriages end in
divorce.
So it’s not necessarily going to be the solution to your problem.
What is the solution is if you can really understand that this kind of up and down is
normal in a soulmate relationship.
If you can learn to express respect, appreciation, gratitude, and the commitment to love.
If you can do some of the simple exercises that are in the book…
You can kickstart and reignite those loving feelings that you first felt which are mostly
brain chemistry.
Some of the fun ways to do that are…
It turns out if you and your partner share what you both perceive as a life-threatening
experience, that will trigger the same kind of emotions you had when you first fell in
love.
Really…
Yes…
It’s a proven thing.
So you might want to go skydiving, bungee jumping, go on a zip line, a really big roller
coaster, as Gary maybe or whatever is going to get both of you into a big adrenaline rush
together as a shared experience will reignite that passion.
Good tip…
I like it.
That’s a really good tip.
Yes yes next time you come to La Jolla there’s a new zip line here.
We haven’t been on it yet.
Let’s all go together.
Okay, you got it.
Were doing that.
Awesome so I know you have like the biggest secret about marriage and that really causes
a lot of pain so can you explain that?
Oh gosh…
There’s so many of them.
I can’t remember which one you’re talking about.
You know for me what I discovered is that the ups and downs are normal.
Because I really went into it thinking oh yes, I’m with my soulmate.
This is going to be a breeze.
And it was really shocking when it wasn’t.
And the thing that I learned from Harvel Hendricks is he said that in our brain we have a perfect
mate selector.
And we end up picking somebody who when we first meet them…
There’s one set of reasons why they look perfect but the truth is they come with the
owner’s manual on how to press all of our buttons.
How to get us to work on all of our deepest wounds and issues.
So I would say that’s one of the secrets I wish I would’ve known early on because
when it showed up it was such a big shock.
It was like oh my God who is this crazy person I’m living with and why of my acting so
crazy?
Why do I suddenly feel like I’m three years old again?
That is normal.
It’s so amazing to me how the universe can perfectly match with law of attraction the
idiosyncrasies in the places that are the buttons and the things that need to be grown
up with the perfect partner.
Like you’re saying it’s like if you’re having all that button pushing it’s like
oh this is the perfect place.
It’s uncomfortable.
It’s painful.
But there’s so much growth in that in us as individual.
I remember…
I don’t think I’ve shared this with you but it was a couple of years ago.
I had a realization that my mom and all of my aunts and all the strong women in my family
always had issues with men and there are never enough.
They didn’t make enough.
They didn’t do enough.
They didn’t show up and up.
They didn’t clean enough.
It was never enough.
I did the same thing.
So one day Frederic and I were kind of in a you’re not enoughness kind of space and
it just all hit me and I was like…
Do you realize you are never going to win?
He goes what do you mean?
You’re never going to be enough.
Not because of you but because how I’ve been programmed.
And all of the sudden his issues came up that the communication he was given was that men
are never enough.
And he’s a man.
So it’s true for me it’s true for him.
So just popping that has completely changed our relationship.
Because that was such a lack piece that needed to be moved up to abundance for me and he
was able to heal that within him.
That’s the whole point of it.
That’s really the container that marriage becomes when you take sacred vows.
Now on the very positive side of all of this as we are talking about the sort of that dark
side and the downside of marriage but on the upside that if you put a little time and energy
and intention and attention on to your relationship you end up with what’s called the marriage
affect.
The research has proven that couples can a happy marriage heal faster and live longer.
Now this doesn’t happen if you’re simply in a committed relationship living with somebody
that you’re happy with.
You only get these longevity and health benefits if you have actually taken the vows and are
married.
The reason for this is that the primitive part of your brain if you’re just in a committed
relationship, never feels safe.
It isn’t until you take vows that you take the safety component which adds onto the marriage
affect.
That is awesome.
Interesting.
I love your research, I love your book.
I love the path that you have become and you come on.
Because even your other book, Wabi Sabi love…
That help me learn so much about myself and my relationship with Frederic.
But this is the one that really turn things around for me.
I’m excited for everybody to read it.
So you can actually go to matetosoulmate.com to get Arielle’s book.
I’m super excited about it.
Definitely go.
The link is under the video.
Any last words Arielle?
We’ve got a bunch of bonuses.
So if you buy a copy of the book I’ve got a five-part video series with John Gray on
how to get your desires met.
Dr. Pepper Schwartz on how sex can save your life.
Iyanla Van Zant on how to make a proper apology.
I talk with Gay and Katie Hendricks on how to have the really hard conversations.
So there’s video and some other audios and bonus books so it’s all on matetosoulmate.com.
Awesome.
I just see so much success for you on this book.
You’re going to change so many people’s lives in their relationships.
So thank you for your contribution.
Thank you Christy.
It’s always great talking with you.
Absolutely.
So let us know what you taken away from this.
I would love to hear your perspective.
Are you in a marriage, are you in a committed relationship, are you single?
What are you taking away from this?
What have you learned?
What kind of ah ha’s have you taken?
Let’s continue the conversation.
Thank you so much for being part of my family and for being here today.
Thanks Arielle.
By Christy.
By everyone.