- I don't feel guilty about my coffee.
I don't feel guilty.
It's the same thing I was saying the other day about,
you know, I could for the cup of coffee a day,
all the things you could do.
And I'm like, I look forward to that coffee so much.
- Mmm-hmm.
- I don't care that it's a waste of money.
I don't care that I give Starbucks $4.87
at least twice a day for a drink
that costs them less than seven cents to make. (laughing)
And creates garbage for the world.
I mean, everything about it is just disgusting
and I really loath myself when I throw that empty cup
in the trash.
But when I get that cup, it's like I get a high.
I get so excited, it's worth it to me.
- But that's why you look what's worth it to you.
(rock music)
- What did you learn in your research for this book that,
what's like a nugget that maybe I can take into my life
and our listeners can take into theirs?
Just some money advice, that's simple and not overwhelming.
- Well, ah, this is gonna be slightly overwhelming.
- Okay.
That's not what I asked for,
and it's not what I paid you for.
- Yeah, sorry.
Oh my god!
Oh no!
I only came on here cause I'm being financially blackmailed.
(laughing)
Oh god!
So yeah,
so what I did when I was starting, was,
and I know you just said you don't look at anything,
so I'm really sorry to stress you out.
- I don't.
- I printed out my bank statements for the whole year.
Printed 'em out.
And then, cause they do it by month,
and then I went through them with a highlighter
and I highlighted stuff that seemed insane to me.
So I would be like, well that's very high.
Or I would be like, wait a minute,
why is my car payment so much?
Or why is, you know, this kinda thing.
I realized I had two subscriptions to something,
and I was like, well I don't need two of those.
- Right. - So I drop one.
One thing I noticed was
I was paying a lot for parking, in LA.
And I was like, do I really?
I would run into a store for 15 minutes, pay for four hours.
It's like, no, don't do that.
So I went through and then I made a list of what,
and I hate this sort of generalized information that's like,
don't buy a latte, don't buy avocado toast,
because that doesn't apply to everyone.
So I was like, you can have a latte,
but go through your bank statements
and notice what is too much for you, personally.
- Mm-hmm.
- I'll buy coffee every day and/or make,
You know, coffee's important to me.
But I'm gonna,
But I was like, parking is not necessary in this situation.
Or like, drive around for another second,
and look for an open spot.
Or like,
you know, oh well I looked and was like,
oh my god, my car insurance is so high.
So then I left that car insurance
and looked for a better deal.
Just things where I wouldn't have ever looked at it.
- Just seeing it in front of you
I know.
- There was one month, I talk about in the book,
where I bought $600 worth of stuff on Amazon.
What?!
What was that, why?
- Yeah. - So I went through
and was like, oh Jesus,
I didn't need this, I didn't need this, I didn't need this.
And I was like, okay, I was,
whatever I was uncomfortable with,
I could see it in front of me.
- I know, that's a good point.
Your spending is certainly, - It's horrible.
- based on your mood and your thoughts and,
The other day I went shopping and I bought like one shirt
and my mood was instantly elevated.
The person I was with was like,
what just happened to you?
And I was like, I bought something.
- Mmm-hmm.
- And I'm trying to, you know, do Marie Kondo
and get crap out of my life and not have any more things.
But it truly is like,
buying things makes you feel good sometimes.
- Yeah.
- I'm trying to get it out of my system.
You said something about the coffees, I get,
I spend $16 on coffee a day, everyday.
- Is that for four cups? _ I don't care.
Yeah.
- Right. - It's like three.
It's like maybe two or three Starbucks,
at least two, everyday.
- But if you're okay with that, then whatever.
- I'm so, it brings me joy.
- Right. - And you know what, Gaby?
I often say to myself, what if I die tomorrow?
Like what are we saving for? - Yeeah.
- I don't think the world is going that great,
and I don't trust that even my money
is gonna be in the banks when I want it,
so I'm kind of like, let me just spend it up.
- Oh you're me-- - There's a part of me
that vacillates between spend it all, or save it all,
and so I can pay for my,
- You're me in season one.
- Really?
- Yeah, that's what I came into it with.
- God.
- And my dad, my parents are like,
can't take it with you, man,
cause they're like baby boomer, hippies.
- That's what my dad says.
- Yeah.
- And then the next day it'll be like,
well we are broke, Nikki,
and I'm just like, - Yes.
- Pick a lane, mom and dad.
What are we?
- My mom says often, oh, well you're our retirement plan.
- Yeah. - Which is a nightmare.
- Oh I say that to my parents all the time,
and I hold it over their head.
It's kinda nice to be,
like I'm making enough money now that I feel like have,
I'm buying my, I often,
oh this sounds so bad.
- What?
- But the fact that I can help my parents out
if they're in a financial situation right now,
feels so good to me.
- Yeah.
- And not because they're gonna be happy and secure,
but like, I told you.
- Yes!
Yes!
I feel that too. - That's not nice.
- I told you so.
And then I'm the parent.
- Oh you wanted me to be a teacher?
Did ya? - Mm-hmm.
- Is that what you, that was your big sight for me, mom?
Was to be an English professor?
Well guess who wouldn't be going out to,
not that mom demands these things from me,
and wants me to buy her stuff.
My mom would be happy shopping and eating at Goodwill
the rest of her life.
Yes I said eating.
(laughing)
But,
I do feel,
I feel great, being able to,
to, being rich.
- Yes.
- And being able to buy things for the people I love.
- Yes.
- So that they, so I can buy their love.
- Yeah, I mean, yes.
Well I did a book tour for the first book.
And we weren't going to South Florida where my parents are.
So I flew them to the Boston and New York events.
And put them up in a hotel.
And they, when they got there, they were like,
it's so nice that your publisher did this.
And I was like, I did this!
I did this!
And they were like, oh my god, you did this?
- So nice. - And I was like, yes!
Yes I fucking did!
And they were like, I mean I think they are,
not slightly uncomfortable, but they kinda,
I think they've lost the power.
- Yeah.
- So, then when I went home for Thanksgiving,
I was like I'm staying in an Airbnb.
And they were like, wait what?
And I was like, I will be by the beach, if you need me.
But I am not staying in the house.
And they were upset.
- I think that is such,
that is what my therapist taught me
is one of the greatest boundaries you can have
is not staying at home with your parents,
- Yes.
- When you go home.
It's such a power move - Because it's a cluster fuck.
- And it protects you from so much.
They're gonna take offense to it.
But in the end, it really protect,
and I don't do it, I stay at home with my parents.
And I do the opposite of like,
yeah my room's trash but guess what?
I pay for everything when I'm home.
- Yes. - And we eat out constantly.
You eat out more in one week,
then you do in a whole year when I'm home.
So my room's gonna be a mess
and you're not gonna say anything about it to me, Mom.
It's like you're buying,
- Freedom, it's freedom.
- You're buying freedom.
And it's, - It's complete freedom.
- And I always question if I was,
because I have been broke and relied on them,
and it wasn't good for our relationship.
Not that this is even good for our relationship either.
Me feeling like I have some sort of upper hand,
because I'm paying for things.
Cause they're not even asking for it.
But it just, I don't know what my point is.
My point is,
- No I mean, I think I would have,
They're a lot, my parents.
And I think I would have been very,
I think it would have damaged our relationship further,
for me to stay in the house.
And so, and then they were upset,
and they have no boundaries.
Them and my sister have no boundaries.
It's like very weird what they talk about and are,
and I kinda have pulled back.
And then the family narrative is, Gaby's a bitch.
But so, I like,
But I was like, this is the craziest,
is I said, they were upset that I was staying at the Airbnb
and I said, well that's fine,
I'm, you know, gonna be in your city, in an Airbnb,
if you wanna see me,
I'm so happy to spend every second with you.
- Wow.
- If you don't wanna see me, I'll have a vacation.
They lost it.
And then I was like,
this is the healthiest boundary, one.
And two, I realized that they want to see you
more than you want to see them.
- Yes.
- So you have the power (laughs).
- It's really good that you did that
and not a lot of people do that.
And if you're listening at home
and you just got done with the holidays and you're like,
I could never do that, yes you could.
- Yes.
- You don't have to go home and stay with your family,
when you are going home for the holidays.
- If you have money, yes. - You can get a hotel.
Yes, of course.
But you could even stay with a friend.
- Yes. - You don't have to
go back home.
There's nothing, there's no contract.
We all just assume,
we all just blindly go,
yeah I'm gonna stay in my old childhood bedroom.
None of that has to happen, and yes,
they will be disappointed, and they'll be like,
what does this mean?
It doesn't, - Then use my line.
Say, I'll be in your same city.
I'm happy to spend as much time with you as you'd like.
If you're that upset with me and you don't want to see me,
I understand and I'll hang out with my friends.
- It's a good line.
- Ughhh.
- I don't know how to do, I mean,
I did it one time.
I went back and got a hotel.
And I never did it again, cause I'm always like,
I just wanna save the money and stay at home.
But I think you're right,
in the end it's just better to have,
- It's so guilty. - those boundaries.
- That's why you look at what's worth it to you.
- Yeah.
- And then if having, you know,
two Dropbox accounts, which I did, and I was like,
why don't I just use Google Drive?
- Okay.
- And you get rid of 'em.
And then that's the equivalent,
that's like a 9.99 payment a month.
- Yeah, I don't have, I will never have expensive handbags,
cause most of them - Right!
- are made of leather
and I don't believe in leather goods.
- Right, it doesn't matter. - But also because
I've never cared about leather,
I've never cared about handbags, I've just never.
And I want to.
I wanna be a girl who cares about nice things.
But my bag is always a tote, a disgusting tote.
(laughing)
A disgusting tote that you get - Right you just look at--
in a gift bag.
- That's why a lot of money advice is too generalized.
You wanna look at what matters to you.
- Okay.
- And what matters to each person is different.
- So the coffee a day thing,
don't have shame about the things
that actually really matter to you,
that you're spending money on.
- And, - That's just.
- A lot of the shaming stuff is specifically towards women.
They'll be like, don't get a manicure.
Don't get your hair dyed.
And it's like, oh I'm sorry,
are you gonna tell dudes not to buy sneakers?
Like do you know what I mean?
It's all directed at women.
- I want to not get my hair done, or nails done, ever again.
I'm so tired of it,
and I resent men that they don't have to do it, Gaby.
- They don't have to do it.
It's that picture of Beyonce, very dressed up,
and Ed Sheeran wearing jeans.
- I've never loved anything more than that picture.
(laughing)
(rock music)