R: No, wha- (Both laugh)
R: How's it goin' friends, it's RobertIDK here!
R: I haven't played a game on this channel in a long, long ass time.
R: But I'm gonna do it because,
R: I'm gonna play something really, really difficult, and I thought it would be funny.
R: So, we're gonna play some Crash Bandicoot!
R: I got my friend Brandon here, a.k- a.k.a, MessYourself.
B: a.k.a, The Boi. R: Go check 'em out- the-the boi, go check him out,
B: The Boi! R: If you haven't- okay, we're gonna play Crash Bandicoot.
R: I've actually- this is like, the main game I've been playing since I got here.
B: YEAH, HE'S NOT DOIN' WORK, HE'S PLAYING THIS STUPID GAME! R: NO! NO, SHUT UP!
R: SHUT UP!
R: There's this new level called 'Stormy Ascent',
R: Which they cut out of the game because it was too hard for the original game, apparently.
R: But, it's-
R: IT AIN'T TOO HARD FOR ME!
R: I hope you enjoy it, LET'S GO! B: LET'S GO! R: LET'S DO THIS SHIT!
B: Good luck, you're gonna need it. SHUT UP HINT!
B: OKAY?!
R: See , it's an ascent, right? So it's like, a tall building. That's what they mean by- that's what they mean by ascent. B: Oh, ascending.
R: This game is all about the jumping, y'know, it's just about jumping up onto sh-
*stuttering*
B: WHY ARE YOU DESCENDING? THAT'S DESCENDING! R: NO!
R: I'M BACK AT THE START!
R: There's a lot of this stupid crap,
R: Like these little stairs that just appear out of - out of, y'know....
R: And then you just have to get it at the right timing, AND I'M NOT VERY GOOD AT IT APPARENTLY!
B: I just told you to stop descending!
R: I'm trying! *inhale*
R: You gotta start jumping before it's back and just-
B: NO!
R: I gave myself a lotta leeway here. As you see, I have 54 lives.
R: (Singing) When I'm fifty four!
R: It's sixty-four. It's The Beatles' song.
R: But anyways, I have a lot of lives.
R: I PRAY that I don't have to use them all.
R: Okay, here. B: Jump. Jump! JUMP! JUMP!!!
R: IT'S FUCKING HARD! This is ridiculous! B: JUMP! JUMP! JUMP! JUMP!
R: Okay! B: I told you, it's easy. It's pretty easy. R: Yeah, you're right there.
R: Why the hell was that so hard? B: (laughs)
R: GO!
R: WOO! Alright, I made it.
B: So this, this ga- this level got, uh, banned from the game.
B: Cuz it was too hard. R: I-It was too hard.
B: But it came back, so...
R: It came back, because they were like,
'Robert, we know you're dope at this game'.
B: yeah.
R: Oh my God, a checkpoint! B: Checkpoint, yay...
R: 'We're killing it recently!' GO SUBSCRIBE TO ROBERT!
R: Bounce on that BITCH!
R: And what's this piece of shit doing?! He's just-
B: Hahaha he got you! HAhaHa.
R: Like, what is the significance of that bird just flyin- OH MY GOD!
B: STOP DYING!
R: Okay, new rule:
R: So, if I die, you have to take a gun,
R: and you have to shoot me.
B: Okay. You die,
B: YOU DIE!
B: YOU'RE DEAD!
B: That's why you add gun effects.
B: PEW PEW PEW PEW!
R: And I'm gonna get hurt. FUCK YOU! B: Jump. Jump! JUMP!
R: Last time I listened to your dumb- B: WHY?!
B: Jump. Jump! Jump!
R: Am I supposed to jump as you're saying it, or like, B: Jump.
R: When I hear it? 'Cause, like, reaction time makes that, like, B: Jump. Jump.
R: A difficult thing. B: Jump. Jump.
R: WHAT THE SH- OH! oHH!
R: Should I put on my gaming hat?
R: This is what I used to always wear when I was gaming. B: Gaming hat.
R: More like gaayyyyyyy hat.
(laugh track)
R: Okay. WhOa! B: WhOa!
R: (Singing) My name is Crash Bandicoot.
R: This... level's a piece of poop.
R: Crash Bandicoot,
R: Oh yeah!
R: NO! That goes too F(censored) FAST.
R: Checkpoint? B: Where did that come from?
R: How do you crouch?
R: Okay. Okay! OKAY!
R: Okay, okay, okay, okay,
R: Okay, okay, OKAY!
B: Why don't you jump? NOW! R: Wait, I need to get the timing right.
R: Shut up. Shut up! B: Now!
R: SHUT UP.
R: NO. NOO! B: I SAID NOW!
R: I DID THE CHECKPOINT!
(loud yawn)
R: I gotta kick my feet up.
R: You can't see, but my feet are up now, it's on the, the-
B: You can't see mah feet.
R: OH MY GOD!
B: Why is this taking so long? R: What do you mean?
R: How long do you expect this to take me?!
R: Like, a normal level takes me, like, an hou- oh my Go-
R: Goddammit now I'm pissed. B: Now I'm pissed dude.
B: You're choking so hard right now.
R: Chokin' now, everybody's chokin' now. Mom's spaghetti's,
R: Run in the ground. I can't see SHIT.
R: What kind of camera angle is this?! I don't know where I'm standing! B: Jump!
B: HAHAHAHAHAHAH!
R: This level's fucking stupid. I fucking hate this shit. (I can't understand Brandon)
B: HAHAHA! R: WHAT THE-
B: Dude, if we go down to zero lives,
R: I'm gonna be done, I'm deleting my channel. B: I'm gonna be pissed!
R:Oh, I can jump on it! If, if that's not a Mario- B: JUMP ON IT!
R: That's a Mario- SHUT UP. SHUT UP. I'M TRYING TO MAKE A JOKE. B: JUMP ON IT!
R: If that's not a Mario ripoff, I don't know what it is.
(laugh track)
B: There's a song.
R: NO! WHYYYY! B: OH. AH!
R: Alright, OH, we needed that life, okay. B: Yeah, yeah.
R: So we've made it this far, I better not frickin die. B: So you need to jump NOW.
B: NOW.
B: Good boy. JUMP.
B: And, JUMP.
B: And, JUMP. You did it! GO US! R: OHHH MY GOD. WOOOO!
R: Alright. B: SPIN!
R: Done.
R: Wait, how do I do this?
R: How the hell do I do that? B: You have to jump and then spin and then go left.
(Brandon laughs)
B: Crash BaNdIcOoT.
R: Crash BaNdIcOoT.
R: (screams)
B: You suck dick. R: You suck d-
R: How is that r- okay, how is that rel- relevant for one thing?
R: Fuck.
R: Shit!
R: Wha- HOW DO I DO IT! Okay, what if I just say, 'eff it-
R: Oh, is that how you do it? You have to do that first?
B: OOHHHHHHHHHH! R: OHHHHHHHHH!
R: Dude, that makes more sense than your stupid method you were trying to sell to me.
B: DON'T CALL ME STUPID!
B: Alright, get ready to jump, in 3, 2... R: I can- I can re- B: JUMP!
B: YOU DIDN'T JUMP!
R: I di- *laughs*
R: No, no it's okay.
R: You don't have to, but- B: JUMP!
R: WOOH!
B: WOOH! R: Holy shit, I did it.
B: Yeah!
B: Now what?
B: You haven't made it this far, so now what?
B: DON'T- NO!
B: I was thinking this, this level would not be enough content for a video,
B: but now seeing how much you're fucking up-
B: YOU DIDN'T JUMP EARLY ENOUGH! AW.
R: I can't take this bullshit. B: BullSHIT!
B: Mother trucker dude. R: What is that even a reference to?
B: It's- haven't you seen the meme? Right? R: No! Apparently not.
B: Wow.
B: Mother trucker dude.
B: That hurt more than a butt cheek on a stick.
R: What the hell is that?
B: (laughing)
B: STOP DYING!
R: What is that ref- tell me what the reference is!
B: It's some kid getting hurt and instead of swearing, he goes, R: Oh.
B: Mother trucker... R: Get out your phone and play it for me.
B: Three, two, one JUMP! R: I CAN READ!
(Robert sings)
B: Uh oh. R: One, two,
R: Three.
R: Shit.
R: Alright, (laughs) I'M SICK OF THIS BULLSHIT!
R: Here's what we're gonna do: every time I die,
R: Brandon's gonna slap me in the face. B: Really?
R: When I- yes, when I die I want you to slap me, 'cause right now,
R: I've got so many damn lives, well right now, I have infinite lives,
R: And that's allowing me to screw up. So I'm sick of this shit.
R: I want you to-
R: No, wha- OW! (laughs)
R: wha-
B: (laughing)
R: OHH HOHOHO!
(Robert sings)
B: Just spin that one.
B: DON'T DIE.
R: I WON'T!
R: I WON'T YOU PIECE OF SHIT!
R: Oh my God, I'm getting frickin' hot in this shit. It's the stress of knowing you're about to be,
R: assaulted...
B: Assaulted. R: Assaulted with a...
R: With a "D" not with a "T" you British fuck.
R: (Singing) Close your eyes, no more thinkin' 'bout, thinkin' 'bout t-t-troubles.
B: C'mon, you can do it! Jump!
B: Yes!
B: Uh oh.
B: AHHHHHHH! R: AHHHHHHH NO!
B: ROBERT!
B: Don't worry, I'm not gonna slap you.
B: I'M GONNA SLAP THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!
R: I'm actually gonna do this shit, can you believe that?
R: That's actually really exciting.
B: Not really.
R: GodDAMMIT!
B: Stop flinching, take it like a man! Take it like a...
B: Man!
R: Holy shit.
B: Uh oh.
R: Oh my God.
R: Oh I got 'em all! Yeah, fuck you, die!
R: You piece of shit. That's what you get! B: You did it!
R: You put me through, you put me through hell!
B: The rest of that's gonna be a breeze compared to that. R: I don't believe that.
R: Oh shit! Oh shit! B: Oh no. Oh no, jump!
R: What the shit, WOO! B: A-
B: Jump.
R: Wait, what- B: Jump
B: Jump.
R: WOAH! B: You didn't jump.
R: Can you imagine if I got every thing, every crate on this level,
R: I would be... not only would I be a power extreme gamer,
R: I would be an extreme power gamer.
B: (laughing) R: Fuck.
R: I forgot to get my gamer fuel dude! That woulda made this so much easier!
R: That's why I've been having such prob- a big problem.
R: Seriously though,
R: did you, um...
R: You have a G fuel, uh, subscription? (laughs)
B: Now.
B: Now!
R: Yeah, if I listened to you, I'd fucking be dead right now!
B: You died anyway.
R: (Singing) I'm like a bird,
R: I'll fly up and down
R: Killing Crash every time he jumps.
R: Robert really hates me a lot...
(Video playback) Mother trucker dude! That hurt like a butt cheek on a stick!
(Video playback) Watch yo profamity.
Both: (laughing)
B: Jump, jump, jump, jump,
R: THESE JUMPS ARE FUCKING HARD! HOLY SHIT DUDE! B: Jump, jump.
R: (country accent) Mother trucker dude that hurt like a butt cheek on a, on a, on a flapjack.
R: Yeah, feel me? (laughs)
R: (country accent) That hurt more than a, than a tarnation flapjack,
R: on a, on a s- (laughs) B: (laughs)
B: (country accent) Rootin' 'n' ' tootin' in,
B: That hurt more than a butt cheek on a skunk on a stick on a farm.
R: That hurt more than a critter with a flapjack on a, on a-
Both: (laugh)
R: (country accent) That hurt more than a huckleberry on a critter flapjack. B: (laughs)
Both: Awwwww R: That hurt more than a critter on a bandicoot.
R: I mean, I was, (laughs)
R: That hurt more than a, than a, a bird flying up and down.
R: That hurt more than a spin from a bandicoot.
R: Shit. Shit! SHIT! NO!
B: (sighs)
R: WoAh! B: Woah.
R: (Singing) Oh, oh! I don't know about- FUCK!
B: Okay, this is the part where you keep choking, right? R: Yes.
B: Okay, watch this.
B: (laughs)
R: We deserve a checkpoint after all this bullshit.
B: WHAT THE HELL AHH!
R: Give it back, give it back, I got it!
B: (inhales) This is impossible!
B: ohhAhhhHHHAHHHHHH!
R: SHUT UP!
R: GOOOOOO!
R: (Singing) Going up.
R: Down.
R: I'm gonna (?) spendin' all of my money.
B: Keep going, keep going, keep going, KEEP GOING!
B: NOOOOOOO!
B: Now, now, now, now, now, now, now, now, NOW!
Both: WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
B: Oh my God, it still keeps going. This is the final ascension.
B: OH! Checkpoint! R: Checkpoint! Both: (monkey sounds)
B: We turned into monkeys. R: (laughs)
B: Six more boxes, Robert! Come one, we're right near the end! R: Oh my God.
B: This bird is going side to side, I've never seen that.
R: WOAH!
B: Uh oh.
R: HoLY SHIT!
R: WOO!
R: Wait, WOAH, what the hell is that?!
R: I actually have no idea,
R: where to-
B: Damn. Oh yeah, I was meant to be slapping ya, right?
R: Ow!
B: Slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap, slap.
B: Slap.
B: S- Robert!
B: Ro...
B: Fine, I won't slap you this one.
B: (Singing) When your lies in the morning sun.
R: (Singing) When the night has come.
R: And the rain's falling down.
R: Stormy, Ascent
R: Ow! B: Shut up!
B: You got eighteen lives!
R: THAT JUMP'S SO STUPID! B: Aw.
R: Woo!
B: OH! OHH! R: AH! oHH!
R: AHH!
B: One, two, three, four, five, SIX! THAT'S IT! Wait, don't mess it up.
R: Oh! Oh my God, B: Ah!
R: I'm gonna do it! B: Yes! Yes!
R: I'm gonna do it! Three, two, one! B: Jump in!
Both: YYEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH!!!!1!!11!1!!
R: Oh my God, I did it!
R: Oh my God.
B: Yay! R: Alright, I did it.
R: I'm proud of myself.
R: I plan to celebrate, and turn up, and pop champagne. Kanye: I plan to celebrate, and scream, and pop champagne.
Both: Every chance I get 'cause I'm at the Grammy's baby!
(applause)
R: A lot of people were asking. K: A lot of people want to know.
Both: What I would do,
Both: If I didn't win.
Both: I guess we'll never know.
(cheering and applause)
B and R: (laughing)
R: This video is a bit of a change of pace.
R: I hope you enjoyed it. If you wanna see more gaming stuff in the channel,
R: let me know, 'cause this is actually was a good amount of fun,
R: and I might do something like this again. Anyways guys,
R: This is Brandon, again,
R: uh, link to his channel will be in the description. Thanks for cheering me on and...
R: whatever. Uh, yeah. Anyways guys,
R: As always, thank you so much for watching, and have a good one.
R: That hurt more than a critter with a flapjack on a, on a, (laughs) B: (laughs)