(upbeat music)
(alarm buzzes)
(Anders groans)
- Morning, champ.
(Blake laughs)
- [Anders] Oh!
- Funny how things
work out.
(blow dryer blows)
(Anders coughs)
- Flour power, dude.
- Anders, why are you messing around?
We're gonna be late for work.
- What is going on?
Why are you guys doing this?
- Why do I love my mom so much?
- [Blake] Why do kids start at different reading levels?
- [Adam] Why are girls pretty?
- Why do I get sleepy after I touch myself?
- No more pranks, okay, we're not in college anymore.
We're grownups!
So act like it!
Just, just act like grownups, please.
Okay? Thank you.
(Anders screams)
Oh, this is not even funny!
- What, are you gonna break on through to the other side?
Jim Morrison?
The Doors?
'Cause of the, it's a door frame.
♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta, ♪
♪ Gotta be fresh ♪
- On the right side is where the sporks go, Blake.
- The right, see I did the left.
- And Adam, if you wouldn't mind pouring some champagne
for when we all sign the lease together?
- I would love to my dude husband.
- Oh wow. Seven years. Wow.
- I mean, it's... - I love champagne.
(bottle pops)
- Hey! Oh!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
- It's a celebration!
- What are you doing?
Dude, we're supposed to save that
for when we sign the lease together!
Stop it!
- This was supposed to be a nice dinner, I thought.
- I'm living a loco life.
Come on, guys. Let's get smacked, right?
We're married dudes.
- Married dudes don't get loco.
They have civilized dinners together.
Duh.
- Mm, I don't know, I like my way a little better.
- All right.
Look, everybody relax. All right?
Because...
- I'm relaxed.
- I have wedding gifts.
- Yeah. Okay. Sure.
- Ders, your first up.
And tell me how you like it.
- I think those are my headphones.
- Yeah. - Why are they covered with...
- Well, they're shells and various things from the sea,
because, well, I know how much he likes water.
- Blake, I don't want to hear the ocean.
I want to hear Robert Kelly.
I want hear Neo.
I wanna hear Usher.
I wanna hear The Ocean!
Jesus.
- Wow, he has horrible taste in music.
- Oh, it doesn't matter.
This, this wasn't even the best gift.
I made you the best gift, 'cause you're my favorite.
- I'm gonna close my eyes.
- Hey, what do you think?
- You ruined my (beep) weight belt.
You destroyed it.
- Uh, well.
- You glued macaroni on it and then you put,
you love my butthole?.
- [Blake] No.
- Blake's favorite tight butthole is my butthole?
- You know, it's kind of big on the internet right now.
It's called reclaimed art, so-
- So you claim.
- So I claim, very good.
Well, I don't see you giving any gifts.
- Here's my gift to you.
- Oh, oh Ders,
you might wanna get in here. - Here's my gift to you.
- We got some performance art from a genius.
- I'm gonna get so smacked tonight,
and that usually correlates into us
having one of the best time of our lifetime times.
Like that time that we partied with Seven Mary Three.
And that was all because of me and my partying ways.
- [Anders] All right.
- All right. All right. Let's put it aside.
I can, I can forget everything.
Now that I'm seeing the KFC, I'm getting excited.
- Oh, Kentucky Freaking Chicken, baby!
That's good. Okay. I'm back.
- Let's dial, let's dial it back.
We're out of dishes.
This isn't KFC, I just use the boxes and the buckets.
Uh, this is Norwegian foods.
Shuttakake, and then we've got fiskesuppe,
and of course the cod tongue.
- What am I, on "Off the Rockers?"
Is Betty White gonna walk her old ass in here?
What is this?
- Okay. I'm not gonna eat any Swedish fish
unless its actual Swedish Fish.
The kind that you get in the bag at the grocery store
that is delicious, a little gummy treat.
- For the 500th time, I'm Norwegian, this is Norwegian food.
It's totally different.
- For the first time,
you shouldn't bring in KFC unless it's actual KFC.
Not this (beep) pig slop.
- I made all this for you guys. I slaved all day.
The least you could say is tusen takk,
which is a thousand thanks in Norwegian.
- How about no takks? Zero takks for you.
I want real, American, delicious meats.
- There's Nor-way I'm going to eat this.
- [Anders] Hey!
- Norway (beep) sucks.
Kentucky rules!
- Food fight!
(aggressive music)
- Oh, well, we're out of food.
(aggressive music continues)
- Why don't you go get smacked loco somewhere, ya
bitch?
- Oh, I will!
'Cause if I wasn't getting smacked,
not one loco thing would ever happen to either of you!
- [Anders] Oh, ho, who said we wanna, man?
(bottle breaks) Oh!
You're lucky how don't smack the loco outta your face!
- You know what?
If we didn't go to college together,
I probably wouldn't even be friends with you now.
And I gave you a gift!
The gift of my talent.
- Talent? Oh, please, are you Mitch?
You're a medium talent, at best.
- [Blake] Oh, you're a bitch. - Ha!
- Yeah, well, I would have new friends.
I'd have friends like Macklemore and Ryan Lewis
if I didn't know you guys.
- You know what, DeMamp?
You should think about quittin' drinkin'.
Yeah. 'Cause you're starting to get fat.
(Anders laughs)
No, no, no, no, no. Wait, wait, wait.
I take that back.
You are a legitimate fat dude.
- Yeah.
- You take that back right now.
- You are a chubby
bitch!
Fat as John candy and not half as cool.
- Suck my leg!
- Oh!
(lamp crashes)
- [Anders] Whoa!
- You tried to murder me!
- [Adam] Yeah, I tried to murder you!
- Now you're taking it the next level, huh?
(table crashes)
- [Adam and Blake] Oh!
- Okay, truce, truce, truce!
- Truce!
- [Blake] Truce.
- [Adam] Truce.
- Okay. Uh, that got very real.
- That got pretty real.
- We got outta hand.
If you guys wanna start cleaning up,
I'll go get dinner, I'll pay for it.
Couple spicy Italians and a cold cut combo?
- It's double meat, double cheese.
And what, you think buying dinner's
gonna get you out of this?
This is your TV.
And Blake.
You tried to murder me.
I think maybe you should be the one cleaning up.
- I'm not cleaning up the TV.
And a matter of fact,
I don't even know if I can stay here tonight,
because I don't feel comfortable being in
the same house as you two. - [Adam] Yep.
- I'm outta here.
- No, I'm, I'm outta here!
We don't care. - I'm outta here first.
I actually set it back there and you guys didn't hear me.
- What? - What, no,
I said it first.
- Okay, so we're all outta here!
And relax with pep.
And then add a little Jeff Garlic
to curb the enthusiasm of the
(Anders sniffing)
♪ Lawry's ♪ (phone ringing)
(throat clearing)
Hello, sir.
Yeah. How, how are you Dad? I'm just um,
at the house going over some business stuff.
You know, working overtime.
- Oh! Shipment has arrived!
Carl took salt pellet to the chest trying to get it to us.
- Ders, a little help, bud.
- Yes, I...
This weekend?
No, not ideal for me.
You booked the ticket?
- Oh, oh (beep), we're gonna rip its head off.
- [Blake] Well, break the - Oh, yeah.
face off or something.
- Okay.
- No, that was just, um...
that was a TV.
I'm watching some Mad Money (Blake and Adam chatting)
and you know how crazy that guy can get.
Hey guys, we got a change of plans.
- Grab a sponge, man, we gotta soap this bovine down.
- Yeah, come on Ders, don't just stand there.
We gotta jerk this beef, man!
Adam?
- Yeah.
- Look guys.
My dad's visiting tomorrow.
(chainsaw starting)
- That's rad!
(chainsaw revving)
- Oh, yeah, very heavy!
(all screaming)
- Whew!
Can I borrow one of your towels?
- You're already using my towel.
All of your towels were my towels.
- Can't believe that selfish bitch
is keeping his dad all to himself!
Being a little bitch!
- Selfish little bitch, man.
You can't keep Thor from all the mortals,
he belongs to us.
- Yeah, well at least we have a meat locker, no?
Dude, if he were here right now, I'd be like,
ah!
- Yeah, yeah. - Yeah?
- Yeah, I'd be like,
"Oh, hi Ders.
Oh yeah, bye-bye, Ders!"
(Blake grunting)
- Smack!
- Oh!
- I'll split your head open, more like it!
And then you die!
- Hey, where's this, this guy's butthole?
And I'm gonna be right there,
and he's gonna be like,
"Well, I'm gonna dive on in your ass!"
- How about you show us a little
R-E-S-Pee in your mouth!
- Whoa, no, stop! - Yeah!
- Hey, we have to eat that. - Oh! It's hard,
it's hard to stop once you start.
Okay.
- [Blake] All right. - Ow.
- [Blake] No, get it. - All right.
- [Anders] Get it.
- Okay. Whew!
All right, well, I'll go get some bleach.
Little Lawry's. Seasoning, right?
- Yeah.
Seasoning. - Sorry.
- I don't know.
The guy said I was a natural, whatever that means.
But I guess he's got a few gigs lined up for me
and see how it goes.
It just seems kind of silly, you know.
It's modeling.
- You have beautiful bone structure.
- Thank you, Jet Set, it's...
(Adam clears throat)
Oh, hey Alice, uh,
I wanted to talk to you about the website.
See, I had a little snafu with the hard drive.
- Well, what's this? - And, uh...
No, this is nothing.
Like I was saying, my laptop crapped out-
- These are professional, right?
You actually look pretty decent.
- Decently ugly.
Shots fired?
- All right. Anyway.
Um, just gimme a few days,
I'll get the, the website back pronto-
- No, no, no. You forget about that,
I'm just gonna hire someone who knows what they're doing.
You're a face, Holmvik.
Not a website designer.
We're gonna use you for our model.
- No, but you said you wanted to use professional
and he's not a professional,
but you said you wanted to use professional,
be he's not a professional.
- Adam's kind of making sense right now.
I mean, I put a lot of hard work into that website.
There's gonna be a whole interactive menu.
I'm more than a face, I don't-
- I'm all face.
Look.
- Oh, my... Okay, look.
Anders, I'm asking you to do this, okay?
Tomorrow afternoon, will you be there?
- I'll do what's best for the company.
- You're making a big mistake.
Imagine. Me, tank top, oiled, wearing a headset.
- You want me to give you my honest opinion?
- Make me blush!
- If you ceased to exist, it wouldn't matter to me.
- I respect your opinion, but just know this:
my face
is an awesome face.
- I got a match startin'.
About to fight this little French girl.
And I think I'm about to kick her le ass.
- Blake, I really need a good friend to talk to right now.
I'm in a chubby phase and it's,
I can't maintain a jawline like this.
- You know what, Adam?
This girl is ranked 65.
So if I beat her, I'm gonna be on the doorstep of top 50.
- Alice picked Ders and now Ders is gonna,
gonna put his thing in her mouth?
- Adam, you know, I don't think that's how modeling works.
But Alice said that Ders had the look she was going for.
So unless his face like,
melts off with acid or something,
you're outta luck, compadre.
- Goodnight, sweet prince.
(laughing quietly)
- Oh! What are you doing to me?
- What do you think I'm doing?
Huh? I'm destroying that pretty face of yours,
so you don't model and let Alice suck on your thing.
- Adam, I'm not trying to sleep with Alice.
- So, you wouldn't let her suck on your thing?
- Of course I would let her
suck on my thing. - There you go!
- Would you not let her suck on yours?
- No, I want her to suck on my thing, that's my thing!
- Hey, can you - You're not supposed to
- keep it down? - suck on your thing.
- I am trying to concentrate,
I am two matches away from cracking the leaderboard.
- Oh, that's too bad.
(all yelling)
- What the! What are you doing, Adam?
Do you even know
how many people go blind from pizza shrapnel?
- Ders, if you show up at that photo shoot,
I'm gonna
(fists hit) uh!
I'm gonna uh!
- Guess what? You're on lockdown.
Go to your room.
- Look at this guy, trying to authorize a lockdown
without a house meeting.
- Fine, I'm calling a house meeting.
House meeting. - You can't call...
No, you can't call a house - All in favor of
- a house meeting right now. - authorizing a lockdown
on Adam, say "ay."
- [Blake and Anders] Ay. - Nay.
No, I said "nay," though.
- [Anders] Nope. - Sorry, bro.
- Okay, you know what? - Solitary confinement.
- Fine, I don't care.
Call a house meeting without house rules.
Doesn't even matter.
You know what matters though?
Probably a lot to you?
You don't get to play on my PlayStation all night long.
(door slams)
- Adam, you're being irrational.
Stop it.
You're not this kind of guy!
Hey, I have two matches till Iconograph!
- Revenge is a dish best served cold.
So enjoy your
cold revenge dish. - Give me that!
Gimme!
- You can't! - Gimme it, Adam.
Gimme it, please! Give it!
- [Anders] Oh my, hang on, hang on, let me get this.
Adam! (door knob jiggles)
Adam, open this door!
- Get him out, Anders!
- I can't!
- [Blake] Give me the PlayStation!
- Come on.
- [Blake] Don't do this to me, Adam!
- Come on, big guy.
- No, I'm breaking
the door down. - What're you doing?
I'm breaking the door. - No, don't.
- Move!
- Geez, what are you doing?
- Move!
You can't break it, Blake,
it's walnut!
(beatboxing)
♪ I'm fresh ♪
♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta ♪
♪ Gotta, gotta be fresh ♪