as a parent of a teen I'm sure you've encountered this by now
video games
how do you limit it with your teenager?
I honestly don't think I've encountered a professional in the field of psychology
and family relations that would say that
kids just aren't getting enough video games
nobody says that there's way too much and we know that there are some negative effects
now, I'm not saying video games are bad
in fact, there's a lot of
redeeming factors about them we're not here to talk about that today
because the problem that we usually run into especially with teenagers is the
amount of time that they're spending engaged in these games which takes them
away from other productive activities that could really enhance and enrich
their life remember your job as a parent is to love them no matter what and even
if it's not to make sure that they don't get addicted to video games although
we're gonna try to do that our main job is to love them no matter what and even
we're gonna try to do that our main job is to love them no matter what and even if
coming from that position as a parent actually empowers you to do a better job
setting some of the limits
Vicky and I have spent some time putting together
the parenting powerup and if you haven't connected to that yet there's a link in
to understand these three stages so that we'll know how to approach our teenager
about the videogame issue quick review Stage one selfish self-centered
unwilling to cooperate feeling entitled and demanding and throwing tantrums and
fighting and arguing does this sound familiar to
buddy this is stage 1 it's important to identify whether your kids in stage 1
fighting and arguing does this sound familiar to anybody?
this is stage 1 it's important to identify whether your kids in stage 1
until stage 2 kicks in again if you need a review of those three stages get to
the parenting powerup and study up on that it's going to really help you in
your approach as a parent if your kid is on stage one and you have correctly
identified that they're not gonna cooperate with you on this then you have
to take control of the device or the access to the game I don't want to play
hardball with kids but if we have to we have to and if your kids are on stage
one that's all you can do because they're not listening to you they're not
cooperating with you so take control of the device or the access to the game
sometimes we have to do a little more thinking than we want to but probably
not as much as we fear enforcement is completely your responsibility if you've
got a kid on stage one I'm gonna give you a little bit of leeway a four on
stage two we'll get to that in just a minute
but on stage one you cannot count on your kids to cooperate with the limits
that you're setting I still remember one of the dads that I
worked with and he said well I've restricted my son from the computer and
as soon as I leave he's back on it okay we have an enforcement problem here can
you do enough thinking as a parent to figure out how to control access to a
device when you're not there yeah be creative you'll come up with some good
stuff this particular dad realized oh yeah there's a removable power cord on
that thing quick enforcement isn't it then he
doesn't have to rely on his son to cooperate with
that he said this is so important on stage one because you don't get
cooperation until stage two set clear criteria for what behaviors
are required in order for them to regain access and then be willing to enforce it
it's on you let's go to stage two for a minute this is actually a whole lot more
fun because at stage two we stop fighting and start cooperating at stage
two I don't want any trouble I want to keep the peace so I'm going to negotiate
I'm going to communicate I'm willing to cooperate now I'm talking about your
teenager but I'm talking about you two and I want parents to be on stage three
if possible but at least on stage two where you're reasonable and rational and
not fighting and screaming and yelling like your kids are at stage two we have
a whole lot more available to us to handle this problem of the video game
and it starts with communication talk to them communicate open up some lines of
communication with your teenager to help them to see what your concerns are and
the why behind setting limits opportunity cost for example is a big
one here and your teenager might make an argument hey this game isn't bad right
don't argue that let them have that point say simply yes I know that you
would choose good games okay you're gonna just kind of seed that idea but
then you also introduce the idea of opportunity cost while you're playing
the game you're not doing anything else your homework mowing the lawn earning
some money and that's the opportunity cost that's what it's costing to engage
in that game so this communication is something that you can do when you're
kids on stage - and I highly recommend that you start with the communication
don't jump in and just try to restrict all the games
if they're willing to cooperate with you go to the communication and you can also
dry out from them what their ideas are what the limit should be what might work
best for them negotiate come up with some kind of a win-win solution this is
far better and you'll have a lot less resistance when they're involved in that
communication it's just that they have to be on stage too in order for this to
work well what about stage 3 stage 3 is where they are truly responsible they
take initiative they have values and morals and ethics that drive their
behavior do you think we're gonna have to intervene much at stage 3 no at stage
3 just smile enjoy that because that's awesome I know
I referenced the parenting power up quite a bit in this video and that's
because Vicky and I have spent some time going into detail on each of those three
stages so that you as a parent can have every tool you need to interact
effectively with not only your teenagers but your younger kids as well the links
right over there or you can get it in the description below
parenting power up calm thank you so much for being here I'll see you
tomorrow
i standing in the