Hi
It's me
I'm not dead!
Which is an awful surprise considering how many
people wrote my obituary yesterday
preemptively in case I did die.
But I didn't, so suck on that!
I'm an old man
That's not what I meant to say
I meant to say
I'm a mature adult!
But somehow old man came out.
But I am a mature adult, that has been sanctioned
nope.. thats the wrong word!
I am a mature adult that has been given the responsibility
of this human form in front of you!
I couldn't have said this any weirder.
Believe it or not, I actually do know how to take care of myself.
'Cept for that one time where I styled my hair with butter
And I jumped off the monkey bars and broke my arm
And I jumped off the stairs and then I broke my head open
I almost died then..
But honestly thank you guys so much for all the love
and outpouring from the community that I've seen thus far
Even though at sometimes
It did seem like screaming and cursing,
I knew there was love deep down in those messages of hate
But honestly I'm not 100% better yet
So I'm gonna go to a game that you guys
requested again because there's this sandbox mode
in Totally Accurate Battle Simulator
that allows you to hypothetically make any battle
of your dreams. So I'm gonna do just that
And I'm gonna go through a whole bunch 'a
*yawns*
*keeps yawning* I'm an amazingly professional youtuber
with 14 million subscribers that I definitely
deseeeerve!
oh
I'm not lying again. I am good.
I am great.
So
anyways, sandbox
Go to town you assholes
who is the better why can I not move foward
that's good.. FIGHT!!
Well that was over quickly
Is it woo, it is two
is are 2 better than ooooone?
Come get some!
Well shit, god damn!
boink boink aand...eat a dick
*high pitched ohh sound*
I think *ughh* I think that might have been a little convoluted
Ohhh they're gonna get you this time
They're not gonna gang up on y'all at once
they're gonna line up so you can beat the schnot out of 'em
oo
Ooh! So we've determined that three peasants is better than one boxer
Oh no you guys are gonna get poked
I bet you're gonna di.. well that's one down
tw- *weird oop sounds continued*
*sexy music*
The range does nothing when they hump you from either side
Oh no get 'em huh huhhh
Well ow! Man those tooth picks are gonna do some damage some day
Well shit!
Oh, they're gonna hug it out. They're a peaceful bunch. Well.
Mmmmm, I dunno.
Okay, so we got 120 peasants, vs. 1 Rocky Balboa. Let's see what happens.
Oh, god. Well, my computer can handle it, for some reason.
I don't know how. I think you're gonna-- oh shit.
You didn't even get to one!
That, that boxer, also now has Apollo Cree next to him.
So it's Rocky and Apollo Creed vs. everyone that didn't like the-
-didn't like Rocky 5 *sounds of death*
*more death*
*Mark make it stop that's to much death sounds*
Dang, they clobbered him!
I feel like one chariot would do pretty good. I'm gonna have him coming from way downtown.
I think one chariot's gonna have a good time with this bunch.
Go get him. Go get him, Sally Sack.
Well, you missed some... okay... alright...
Ooooh
He whaaat?
Alright, we're gonna blast 'em with ballistae
From downtown. Well they'll fire eventually, don't worry, they're not actually gonna hurt 'em....they're ju- whoa.
Ehh. Those guys in front sure caught a mouthful.
Holy shit.
Are you okay? Nice hair.
I think 100 peasants are unstoppable. Oh jeez. What are you doing? Where's your eyes?
Just a soulless monster-- wow. Okay.
What are you doing? Is he, is he dead?
Is he dead?
Is he, is he dead?I can't I can't quite tell.
Oh my god.
Oh my god, oh my god. *laughing* Oh no! They're just humping that dead one!
Oh my god!
Oh good lord! This is inappropriate!
That is, that is straight-up humping. That is 100% hump.
They-they-they're dying of exhaustion from the orgy.
My god, leave that poor guy alone. Stop bapping his head back and forth, he's dead!
*mockingly* I don't think this video is gonna get monetized.
You like this dramatic music playing as we watch this guy bap his dick around back and forth oh-so-sensually?
Ope, oh, he dead now. Ohh, no.
Last man standing. You're doing it man, you're doing a great job.
You you bap whatever that is, I dunno. Ah whatever.
Okay, so that didn't work at all.
We got a lot of hwachas
and I believe that's of the right length.
To kill all them
Hwatcha it
Hwoahtcha
*ooooo noises*
*more oooos*
*still more oooos*
*even more oos*
Almost but not quite.
We got some ba-wow
Wha
W-wha
What?
I didn't even loo- there weren't guys on that before
there were not
tha- that's not
Whaaaaaaaaat in the world are you doing?
*return of the ooos*
*aaaaaaah*
Why are you oh why are you shaking?
Why were you shaking?
I don't know why you were shaking
*weird mark noises* I'm rocky
This my rocky impression
UH OH
Well shit
Get some
Hwacha it up
Ugh
Our crotch-rockets are better than your crotch-rockets
Man, it's so good that we have qualified flexible people for this endeavour
Wow!
You guys didn't do shit
Stop twerking
Oh this guy, this guy's going the distance on the twerk here
The other guys are falling to pieces all around him
But he's gonna twerk a nightmare outta here
Oh jeez
What're you- wow
I uh-
I got some questions about this right here
Wh- why- why is this a thing
Wh- Why Why do you guys need- why
Why
I know that was intense, but why
This is a strategic- this is uh-
Uh Napoleon's method for uh- doing something
Don't worry, don't ask
I- I knew- woah. what-
Uh-wha-uh
Hang on Imma take a look in there
Cause something don't seem right
Things keep flying out at high speed
But apparently this is ok wow
Alright there buddy
Hello horsies
Nice butt in there
Hoo-boy
Although I don't know who's winning
Oh jeez
Why is- Why is that guy- Why- Why
Are- Sir?
Sir if you're trying to pretend to be dead
You're not doing a very good job at it
Ok my computer can-
Why are you over here sir?
You're not doing your job sir
See everyone else doing their job?
About to fire their cannons?
dat didn't do anything
don't come any closer
Don't come any closer!
Oh god
You might be in trouble
Well shit you got some a-
-no you turned your backs- they're still coming for you
I see the beady eyes on them
Ooh, that guy got clobbered
Oh no god no
Oh jeez I thought that guy was gonna get blasted
You're getting blasted
You're getting blasted!
Oh, shit
You almost had 'em
Spank that rump!
Well, looks like blue won
Wabooski!
ooh
Now this is a b-woah
Good god!
Holy shit!
Oh
Oh my god, good go-
I don't know what's happening there
I don't know what anything is going on here
Are we still fighting?
Are there still people alive?
and holy shit I forgot the catapults fire so fast~
We're going farmer v.-
If you hold it with the pointy end forward you might have a little more success there buddy
Uh oh
Someone's gonna get stabbed up the butt
Her-der-n-der-n
ooh
Well that don't look good
Huh. It seems...
Woah
It seems to me that the bodies are actually getting pinned in to each other
But the farmers seem to have an edge on it!
So spearmen are useless!
Why would anybody have spearmen they don't make any god damn sense
*off to the side* Chica what you doing over there
Alright go for it
You can't penetrate these defence- ow.
Oh shit
Eugh
Eugh, they penetrated so hard
I forgot that shieldmen actually can't attack
so I was hoping the stupidity of the other team would bleed through their strategy
and they'd just end up killing themselves
uh oh. We got a few stragglers left
My god.
I can't believe that worked.
Alright so that's about all the options that I could possibly explore in this game
I really don't know what else I can do until the full game is released
But either way thank you guys again for all the love,
and outpouring from the community that has wished me,
better health than what I've got!
And I am feeling better, and it will be,
back onto normal schedule, very soon.
So thank you everybody so much for watching
And as always, I will see you,
In the next video. Buh-Bye!
*Crazy La Paint by MiniMusicMan*