{\rtf1\ansi\ansicpg1252\cocoartf1187\cocoasubrtf340
\margl1440\margr1440\vieww10800\viewh8400\viewkind0
\pard\tx720\tx1440\tx2160\tx2880\tx3600\tx4320\tx5040\tx5760\tx6480\tx7200\tx7920\tx8640\pardirnatural
\f0\fs24 \cf0 When I was 14, my family and I began the process of creating my buckskin
dress.
For the Lakota people, the buskin dress has two main purposes.
The first is for traditional ceremonies and large events such as graduation.
The second is for pow wow season.
my honored this ancient process by creating the dress by hand.
Bead by bead.
Stitch by stitch.
The process can be agonizingly slow.
My dress-making was hindered further by my general discomfort with my ethnicity.
Wanting to fit in at school, I felt that the traditions of my heritage alienated me from
my classmates.
Don't get me wrong, I'm proud of be half Lakota and a member of the Cheyenne River Sioux Tribe,
but at the time I felt culture and identity were opposing forces.
I felt no one would see the person wearing the buckskin dress, they would only see the
dress itself.
My aunt asked me to think of a concept for the dress, because pow wows are a mixture
of wild west shows, dance-offs and beauty contests, the dress needed to be visually
stimulating and ornate.
She said that while my family would help guide me in this process, ultimately it was my decision
because its as my current personality, my family history and the woman I would become
who would be represented.
This concept overwhelmed me.
Who was I?
What kind of woman did I want to become?
What symbols did I want to use that would represent me at 25, at 40, at 80.
I had no idea.
Lucky for me, concepts like deadlines, due dates and ASAP do not exist for Lakotas.
My father always says when in doubt, wait, so nobody rushed my decision.
My family said one day I would just wake up and know, just know, that I agonized for months.
I read fashion magazines.
I listened to my favorite bands.
I asked my friends at school, trying for force inspiration onto a bare hide.
Then, one night, I had a dream.
In my dream, I'm walking along a dirt path.
The weather is perfect in its twilight.
I look up and see the crescent moon and below it VEnus shining brightly, and below it, I
see the sun and the planets, and then the asteroid belt and more planets until I'm surrounded
by stars.
There's so much diversity and beauty here, and I feel a calmness.
I end the dream by walking around the track, and I feel a calmness.
The next morning, I wake up, and I go on with my fourteen-year-old life.
I didn't think much about the dream, then three days later, I was in the bathroom three
days later shaving my legs when it hit me.
This could be the concept for my dress.
My hands started to shake.
My heart started to beat faster.
I started to cry.
My family was right.
I just woke up one day and was certain.
I know it seems a little stereotypical for a native girl to have a dream, a spiritual
vision.
If you push the image further you can almost see me running barefoot through forest, but
the truth is that dreams are important to the Lakota people, and we do believe that
at times our ancestors can be speaking to us.
A decade later, the dress is as familiar as my sister.
I can smell the buckskin and smoke mix with my skin.
I can feel the weight of the fringe and it sweeps the floor.
I can see the blue periwinkle beeds and the stars that hang in that sky.
Each one is beaded differently, because my aunt says that is how stars are.
In the center is a horse because my Lakota name means 'has no horses', but it's my dream
sky, so I have them.
My bathroom realization was the first moment in my life that I knew I had touched an intimate
part of my personality, one that my future selves would appreciate and acknowledge.
It was the first time both spiritually and artistically that I realized that culture
and identity were not opposing forces.
Rather, you can't have one without the other.
A decade later I know that this dress is who I am, not only today, but will be decades
later. }