Coming up next on passion struck. Remember asking questions is an integral part of learning and
growth. Embracing rejection as an opportunity for improvement and maintaining a growth mindset will
empower you to become a more effective questioner in the long run. Welcome to passion struck. Hi,
I'm your host, John R. Miles and on the show, we decipher the secrets,
tips and guidance of the world's most inspiring people and turn their wisdom into practical
advice for you and those around you. Our mission is to help you unlock the power of
intentionality so that you can become the best version of yourself. If you're new to the show.
I offer advice and answer listener questions on Fridays. We have long form interviews the rest of
the week with guests ranging from astronauts to authors, CEOs, creators, innovators, scientists,
military leaders, visionaries and athletes. Now, let's go out there and become passion struck.
Michael Beckworth said the power of asking is the ability to receive it's in the asking that we set
forces into motion. And that begs the question, have you ever found yourself in a situation where
you're required something that someone else could provide but you ended up not receiving it simply
because you didn't ask? I'm sure the answer likely is yes. For most of us at some point or another,
we may have hesitated to express our desires or needs and as a result missed out on obtaining
them. In the words of Oprah Winfrey, you get in life what you dare to ask for,
which implies that if you don't ask you simply don't receive whether it's asking a question
asking for help or for an opportunity we need to develop the skill of asking or therein lies
the keys to some of the breakthroughs that we hope for in today's episode, I'll enlighten you on how
to unlock the power of asking so that you can get more out of life. I'll explore the reasons
why we fail to ask for the things that we need. highlight the importance of asking and finally
show you practical ways for asking for what you want so that you can get your desired results.
I'll begin with the story of Chris Gardner, a man whose journey to exponential success started with
him intentionally asking for something that he wanted. Chris Gardner was born in Milwaukee,
Wisconsin and from an early age faced the harsh realities of life. He grew up with an absent
father and a struggling mother making it difficult for him to gain access to some of the basic things
that would have made life so much more comfortable frequently. Whenever he approached his mom with
requests for things that he desired. Her response would be a disappointing no due to financial
reasons. As a result from a young age, he began to hold back from asking for what he wanted, knowing
that he would often receive a negative answer. Life progressed and as a young adult, Chris joined
the US Navy and later embarked on a journey to pursue a medical career his life at a drastic
turn when he decided to leave his medical training and pursue a career in finance. Unfortunately,
the decision didn't lead immediately to success and Chris struggled to make ends meet selling
medical equipment in the form of a portable bone density scanner course now had a young son and
his son's mother had abandoned them because she wanted to free herself from her responsibilities,
Chris began facing numerous challenges in trying to provide for himself and his son and even went
homeless, but he kept striving for a change in his life as much as he could. On a fateful
day. While Chris was attempting to sell his bone scanner, he spotted a well dressed man
in a red Ferrari intrigued, he approached the man named Bob bridges intending to ask two questions.
What do you do and how do you do it? However, he hesitated due to the mindset of refraining
from asking for anything which he developed as a child, as I previously discussed, yet, considering
his circumstances he pondered. The worst that will happen to me is that he won't answer my questions
which leaves me in the same position that I'm in now. So why not ask gathering his courage,
he decided to go and poses questions to Bob. At that time, Bob was one of the most successful
stockbrokers in California, and he graciously responded to Chris's inquiries. Their initial
exchange sparked a deeper conversation, fueling versus interest and igniting a strong desire to
pursue a stock brokerage career. With Bob's help he approached Dean Witter Reynolds, a prestigious
brokerage firm and humbly requested an unpaid internship. Fortunately, Chris got the internship
even though he knew very little about the job, but he didn't back down first believed his eagerness
to learn and willingness to ask questions could outweigh his lack of qualifications is genuine
appeal impress the firm's executives who decided to take a chance on him through the internship.
Chris never hesitated to ask for guidance, he sought out mentors absorb knowledge like a sponge
and proved that the power of asking could lead to astounding growth his colleagues admired his
tenacity and doors that once seemed closed were now a jar with possibilities as his internship
concluded the firm recognized his potential and offered him a full time position as a stockbroker
now as a full time employee He remained committed to self improvement and his relentless pursuit of
knowledge set him apart in the finance industry. As the years passed Chris's hard work or fruit,
he became a very successful stockbroker and eventually founded his own firm, Gartner. Rich
and CO is inspiring story from homelessness to try and drew significant attention in his life
story was immortalized in the best selling memoir of pursuit of happiness after achieving personal
and financial success. Chris has devoted much of his time to philanthropy as well as motivational
speaking, he continues to inspire people around the globe with his story encouraging them to
believe in their potential work towards their aspirations, where he emphasizes the significance
of intentionally reaching out and seeking help when in need. So that begs the question, why do
we need to ask seeking answers and assistance in any shape or form lies at the very core of
our coexistence in the world? No individual is an isolated entity and relying solely on oneself for
everything is impractical. Throughout life, we naturally find ourselves asking for things from
others whether seeking directions in an unfamiliar place acquiring information on a topic that we
lack information about or requesting a favor, such as someone lending a helping hand lift a heavy
object requesting assistance is a routine aspect of life that allows us to live fully and advance
a 2018 white paper on generosity highlights its role as an inherent, biologically ingrained trait
that's crucial for human evolution. Nevertheless, even with these facts in mind, we may encounter
unnecessary hardships and fail to achieve certain goals. If we're not intentional about asking
for the things that we require. Consider the scenario you visit a restaurant to buy some food,
but realize that you left your wallet at home. In such a situation, many individuals would choose
to go hungry rather than to ask someone at the restaurant for assistance or payment. However,
research conducted by the Psychology Department at Stanford University reveals that most of us are
willing to help someone in such a predicament if we can similarily studies conducted by Professor
Vanessa bonds from Cornell University demonstrated that people are more inclined to offer help and is
commonly believed asking for help is a natural part of being human. And there's no shame in
that when we ask for assistance, we allow others to make a positive contribution and demonstrate
vulnerability which can deepen relationships and foster trust asking for help should not be viewed
as a weakness. Instead, it is a display of self awareness. Encourage embracing asking empowers
us to take charge of our lives and guide ourselves towards a desired path. So given the significance
of asking, why do we sometimes hesitate or hold back from doing so several reasons could lead a
person to choose silence and refrain from asking for the help that they need from others. These
reasons include ignorance. If one is unaware that someone could provide the help that they need,
they may hesitate to approach them with a request. This lack of knowledge is an instance of ignorance
and although it is not their fault, it will still have consequences. To address this, one must
proactively seek information by asking questions enabling them to acquire valuable knowledge.
Second is a fear of rejection frequently, most people hesitate to seek assistance due to the fear
of rejection, they choose to endure unpleasant situations rather than take action to improve
them the apprehension of potential disappointment after raising their hopes of obtaining something
makes them suffer in silence, then there's a lack of confidence. Individuals with low self
esteem and low self confidence often refrain from asking for what they want, believing that
they don't deserve those things. Their self doubt prevents them from mustering the self
courage to seek help when it's needed. And then there are erroneous beliefs. Perhaps influenced
by childhood conditioning or past rejections, some individuals develop the misconception
that asking for help is inappropriate. This mindset leads them to avoid seeking assistance,
causing them to withhold their needs. And finally, there's pride which is a characteristic
where individuals perceive themselves to be too self sufficient to seek assistance from others.
They possess inflated egos and would rather go hungry than even accept a slice of bread
from someone else. Overcoming all these barriers requires a shift in mindset promoting a culture
of curiosity and an openness to questioning and encouraging a safe and supportive environment
where questions are welcomed and help individuals feel more comfortable asking and foster a culture
of continuous learning and growth. Asking is indeed a skill that anyone can cultivate with
practice and intention just like any other skill. becoming proficient in asking requires learning,
refining techniques and gaining experience. Here are six ways that you can ask for the things that
you need and want. The first is to ask clearly, it's crucial to be clear and precise about
what you want. If you fail to do so you won't effectively communicate your needs. Make sure
you know exactly what you want and express it as clearly as possible. Second, ask with confidence.
Avoid hesitancy and uncertainty when asking for what you need. It may come across that you need
to figure out out what you want, leading to not being taken seriously or receiving a favorable
response. However, asking confidently doesn't mean adopting a commanding or demeaning tone instead,
strike a balance and maintain a moderate approach to increase the likelihood of positive outcomes.
Third, ask creatively. being genuinely curious about the world and open to new perspectives
enables individuals to seek knowledge and understanding by asking questions. For example,
if you require assistance with a faulty household appliance and your neighbor is skilled at fixing
such things, consider offering a gesture of appreciation instead of asking them to just fix
it for free. You could offer them some fruit a drink or a thoughtful gift before politely
requesting for help. This approach will make any kind hearted person more willing to assist
not just on that occasion, but even when you may need help again in the future. Fourth,
ask realistically remember that you're not dealing with a magical genie where anything
can be granted instantly. When you're asking for something you're interacting with real people who
have their limitations. Be mindful of others when making requests and show respect for their time
and boundaries. Keep your requests concise, avoid being overly demanding with phrases like you have
to help me or you help me and I'll help you in the future. Instead, allow the person you're asking
who willfully offer the help that they are able to give without pressure or obligation. Fifth,
ask sincerely when you genuinely need help, people are likely to respond positively to
receive assistance, it's essential to be open and vulnerable. Asking sincerely from the heart.
Most people can recognize when someone is asking genuinely and are more willing to offer their help
in the best of their abilities also sincerely seeking feedback from others, such as mentors,
peers or experts on the quality and effectiveness of one's questions and provide valuable insights
for improvement. And then six asked consistently regularly asking questions and reflecting on
their impact helps you to refine your questions over time. Even if you don't receive a positive
response initially, don't let it discourage you in sales. For instance, you don't give up on the
first, second or even 10th know you keep asking until you achieve your sales goals and get the
desired results. However, it's essential to remain gracious and thankful. Regardless of the response
that you receive. Avoid pestering or pressuring someone into fulfilling your request. Always ask
politely follow up on your requests and express gratitude when you receive what you asked for.
By consciously refining and practicing the art of asking you can become a skilled questioner
who can extract valuable information, foster meaningful conversations and drive personal and
professional growth. The more that you hone your questioning abilities, the better that you become
at navigating the complexities of communication and understanding the world around you. I think
it's important that we last touch on how do you handle rejection, which is almost certainly going
to happen when you are out there asking people for things The truth is that you won't always
receive a positive response. However, this should only encourage you to make repeated requests. When
faced with rejection. It's important not to take it personally or let it demoralize you instead,
learn to manage your emotions effectively. As I discussed recently in Episode 316, use emotional
regulation techniques to nurture positive feelings and reduce the impact of negative ones handling
rejection when it comes to asking questions can be challenging, it's an essential skill to develop
here are some strategies to effectively deal with rejection. Stay calm when facing rejection. Take
a deep breath and remain composed. Avoid reacting emotionally as it might escalate the situation and
hinder your ability to learn from the experience. Second, don't take it personally. Remember that
rejection of a question does not define your worth separating your self esteem from rejection helps
you to maintain a positive outlook. Third, refocus on the intent remind yourself of the
genuine intent behind asking the question which is to seek information understanding or feedback
reiterate the value of your curiosity and desire to learn. Fourth, learn from the experience.
Reflect on the situation and consider whether any factors contributed to the rejection. Assess
if there are any areas where you can improve your questioning skills. Fifth, seek feedback
if appropriate and comfortable. Ask feedback from the person who rejected your question.
Constructive criticism can provide actionable insights for future interactions six embrace
failure as a learning opportunity. Seek rejection as an opportunity for growth and learning every
rejection can be a stepping stone towards becoming a better questioner and seven reframe rejection as
a redirection it might just lead you to discover better sources or approaches. Remember that
rejection doesn't necessarily mean no, but rather not yet. Don't let a no dissuade you keep asking
if one person says no, don't lose hope. There are many others that you can approach. Stay
persistent and intentional about seeking what you want until you receive positive response embracing
rejection as an opportunity for improvement and maintaining a growth mindset will empower you
to become a more effective questioner in the long run. In conclusion, as the famous businessman and
philanthropist W. Clement Stone said, if there's something to gain and nothing to lose by asking,
by all means, ask this point is clear. You just can't wait around hoping that what you need and
want will magically come to you. Instead, like Chris Gardner, you must be proactive
and intentional about asking for what you want. Whether you're seeking help posing questions or
requesting opportunities. Effective asking sets powerful forces in motion and opens the door to
unlimited possibilities. Don't let fear or hesitation hold you back every day presents
numerous opportunities to ask for what you want. Take advantage of these moments and summon the
courage to ask take that bold step today and make your requests known because you'll never know how
far an intentional act of asking can propel you forward. I hope you all enjoyed today's
show. And I wanted to thank everyone who wrote in and especially those who listened you're
about to hear a preview of the Passion start podcast that I did with mental health expert
and neuroscientist Dr. Caroline leaf, who is known for her science backed mind management
techniques. And we discuss her brand new book, how to help your child clean up their mental mess,
can't look to what our generations are facing as the cause of something because social media
is good SOS radio, SOS television, SOS AI, so they're not the problem. The problem is what
are we doing with them? The problem is how are we managing things instead of looking to an external
cause as the cause of something like mental health. External Causes do impact mental health,
but it's blaming something without looking at the benefits of it as a bad management of it.
So social media are bad. It's how we managing remember, we rise by lifting others. If you
found today's episode on asking useful, please share it with somebody who can use the advice
that I gave here today. In the meantime, do your best to apply what you hear on the show
so that you can live what you listen and until next time, live life passion struck.