Hi, I'm Emma McAdam, a licensed therapist, in this little Nugget of Help we're going to apply some tools from acceptance and commitment therapy
to help with school and social anxiety.
This activity is meant to help build an increased ability to face anxiety provoking situations like school or social settings
The goal of this activity is not relaxation but resilience- meaning the ability to experience
uncomfortable sensations with strength
compassion and calm.
So during this activity
You may feel a couple of emotions, some comfortable and some uncomfortable
Please stick with the activity through the end and I promise you'll develop a greater ability to experience your emotions without them controlling you
So first check in with yourself, a sit in a comfortable place
close your eyes and
Take a deep breath
Let it out slowly
Take a moment and notice your feet- wiggle them
Now, press them against the floor. Just feel what the floor feels like pressing back up against your feet
Now move your awareness up your legs clench your calves and
then soften those muscles
Then clench the big muscles in your thighs for a moment
Now relax them and breathe in and breathe out
Now move your awareness up to your stomach
You may feel some tension here and that's okay
Pretend you're scientist who has never noticed what that feeling is like
Explore that feeling in your stomach and describe it in your mind. What does it feel like?
Allow it to be there while clenching your stomach muscles as tightly as you can
Now breathe out and then take a big inhale
Expand your stomach out as far as it goes
Hold that breath and notice what that feels like
Let that air out and move your awareness up to your chest and back
Tense, those muscles pull your shoulders up to your ears and hold them there tightly, clenched hard
Then soften those muscles and breathe out slowly
Now clench your biceps your upper arms and then release
Now clench your fists and release
Move your awareness up to your face and clench your face muscles tightly
And now soften those muscles in your face
Now we're going to do a quick scan of your bodily sensations, what do you notice in your body?
There might be some places in your body that feel warm soft and comfortable notice those
And there might be some places that feel tight or painful
notice these areas
You don't need to label these as bad or avoid them, but just notice them
Notice yourself breathing what does it feel like to breathe?
Take one more deep breath in and let out very slowly
What feelings or emotions are you experiencing right now?
Some of them may be uncomfortable and that's okay
Just notice them, be curious. What does it feel like to feel those emotions without needing to escape them?
Send each of your emotions a little mental hug. It's okay to have feelings.
Notice if there are any more emotions, perhaps quieter emotions that you are feeling too- what else are you noticing?
Be curious. You don't need them to go away. You can handle feeling them. How would you describe each of these emotions?
Take one more deep breath and notice yourself breathing
Now let's visualize yourself going to the first day of school
The bus pulls up to the front of the school and as you get off the bus you feel your stomach tighten a bit
Perhaps you feel a lot of energy coursing through your body
You may feel a little tense or jittery and that's okay
It's perfectly normal to be having these emotions and sensations
Most of the other kids are feeling a little anxious and excited too
You can handle feeling this way
Anxiety and excitement are the same physiological response in our body
Both of them prepping us for action to perform well, and it's okay to have this feeling in your body
Your old habitual thought is "I need to escape" or "I can't handle feeling this way"
But now you remind yourself "I can handle feeling this way and be okay". "I
Don't need my sensations to go away
for me to be alright, I
can feel them and notice them and
While they are uncomfortable, they can't harm me. I am actually safe in this moment"
You look around and remember that probably most of the other kids are also feeling a little anxious or excited right now
It's perfectly natural to feel this way, and it's not going to harm you
You shift your attention back to your breathing and as you step toward the school you notice something beautiful
What is it?
Perhaps the clear sky or the green grass
Take a minute and notice that one pretty thing
You hear lots of kids are running noisily toward the school some are meeting up with their friends some are alone
suddenly you have to thought "What if no one will be my friend?" or
You worry that people are looking at you in a funny way. For a moment
You have visions of a catastrophe run through your head. You're afraid of being rejected being alone being a loser
But you quickly notice those thoughts they are painful and loud thoughts, but they are just thoughts
Just as you can notice yourself listening to my voice at this moment. You can notice yourself having those thoughts
They aren't truthful
They don't help you be the person that you value
Because you value being kind, you care about connecting with people
You want to be a good friend.
You can act on those values and good things will happen
People will want to be friends with you when they get to know you because of who you are
You notice those scary thoughts and you imagine them written on the side of the bus and the bus begins to pull away
You remember that you're okay
You have some inner gifts to share with the world. Even if you are quiet or observant instead of a loud clown.
Take a minute and think of one of the gifts that you have
One thing that you are good at- like being a good listener or noticing others needs for example
You remember some of the people who love you and like you, your friends your parents
You remember that you are safe right now.
It may feel uncomfortable
But you can handle that
You may feel a bit of anxiety
But you can open up some space for that anxiety inside of you. You don't need to make that anxiety go away to be okay.
Imagine that your anxiety is a little child saying "What if no one likes me?" and you say
"Come here little anxiety. I want to give you a hug"
See it's uncomfortable, but you can experience it and it doesn't harm you.
You walk through the front doors of the school and there's a lot of noise and commotion-
Not your favorite
So you head over to your locker,
You already know where it is because you went to the open house
And you open your locker and a gentle waft of your favorite smell comes out of it
You spend a minute. Just enjoying that smell
Breathe in deeply
Now you walk to your first class, you know
Right where it is and you arrive a few minutes early you take your seat and look around
There's a few other kids sitting down and you say hi to the girl sitting next to you
She says hi back, and then suddenly you feel so awkward
You start worrying that you should have said more or maybe you shouldn't have said anything
or that maybe you didn't make enough eye contact and suddenly you're hyper aware of how you're sitting in your chair and you can feel
Your heart beating a little faster and your hands sweating a little bit and then you notice yourself
Tensing up a bit and you can notice your thoughts
Now in this moment notice what's going on in your body and in your mind.
You remember what your mentor said- you don't actually act awkward you just feel awkward
No one else has even paying attention to you. They're all anxious and excited about their first day of school
And they're too busy worrying about what people think about them to notice you
You can still feel that tight feeling in your stomach and your sweaty palms and you tell yourself. That's ok
It's ok to have uncomfortable sensations sometimes.
I can let myself feel this experience without needing to escape it or make it go away
You know that it never helps to beat yourself up so instead you just show yourself a little compassion
You go back to noticing for a while and you sift through your experience in this moment. So
Sift is an acronym
S is for
sensations
Notice your physical sensations just notice them both comfortable and uncomfortable.
I is for images
What do you envision in this moment? Can you notice those images and then bring yourself back to center with the breath?
Can you notice those images in your head
And then bring yourself back to center by noticing your breath
F is for feelings, what emotions are you experiencing?
Are you having more than one?
What is one thing you're excited about
And the T is thoughts
Notice, what are you thinking?
You don't need to battle or change your thoughts. Just notice yourself having them
You take another deep breath and you're feeling kind of proud
That right now you're experiencing a little anxiety
But you're okay with it
It's a bit uncomfortable
But you're beginning to develop the skill of letting yourself feel it
You give yourself a little imaginary pat on the back for being courageous
For letting yourself do hard things and feel hard things and stick with it
The bell rings and the teacher starts class he goes through the roll.You
Pay close attention waiting for him to call your name. And then when he does you say "here" and
Maybe you wonder a bit if you did, okay, but no one even looks at you
They're all just paying attention to their own stuff right now
You remind yourself that you can do hard things
You take another deep breath and let it out slowly
Then the teacher passes out a sheet of paper to everyone on it is an icebreaker activity
You hate these.
you have to go around the room and find someone who has broken their arm and someone who's lived in another state and someone who
Has a pet reptile
Maybe you're afraid that you'll be awkward
You might worry that no one will ask you questions or that you're afraid that people will ask you questions
You press your feet into the floor feeling the floor pressing back up at you
You notice your fear
It's telling you to run away, to avoid, to hide to be silent and you notice that fear
You acknowledge it, you say "hello fear. I've noticed you're trying to hang out with me today"
"I know I can't make you go away
But you're not the boss of me and I still get to decide what matters to me so fear
You can keep making suggestions, but I know what's more important"
You know that you don't like these icebreaker activities
But you also know that you do want to make some friends and you don't want to isolate yourself on the first day
So you look around and see another kid who looks kind of quiet and is standing by himself
You walk over to him and you feel a little awkward, but you don't actually look awkward from the outside. You look perfectly normal
When you get to his desk, you look down at your paper and you ask him. What's your favorite book?
He seems a little shy so you just listen while he tells you about the book series that he likes
then he looks at his paper and asks you
What's your favorite book?
You tell him about your favorite book and what you like about it and you can see in his smile that he's read that one
And he likes it too. He must be a special type of nerd like you
You stand around and other kids come up to you and ask their questions you ask yours and pretty soon your papers all filled out
The teacher gets back up. He seems nice and also a little funny and you think you'll like his class
The rest of that class goes pretty smoothly you just sit in your chair and read the syllabus while the teacher tells you the class
Rules and talks about what you're going to learn- so far so good
You feel proud of yourself after your first day of school
There were times that were uncomfortable, but that's okay and there were times that were good
You learned more about what to expect and even though you felt some anxiety. You didn't let it boss you around
You were gentle with yourself
Patient with your emotions and sensations and you were courageous to show up and feel lots of things today
Excitement beauty anxiety hope for new friends and a sense of confidence in your ability to do hard things
Now come back to the present moment
Notice your feet on the floor
notice your breath
Think back over this exercise
Was it uncomfortable at times?
But you stuck with it. You chose to do something challenging because something else mattered more than avoidance
Take a deep breath and give yourself a little pat on the back for letting yourself experience your emotions
You are on the pathway to growth an emotional strength
Keep up the good work