It takes a special
encounter, I think, to really be able to say
Jesus is and was and
will be God. I was 27
and I had received this national scholarship
to study this ancient technique of painting called Nihonga
which is Japanese-style paintings using azurite and malachite and
these beautiful brushes and using silk and paper and
extravagantly beautiful materials.
I realized that I didn't have a place
in my heart - a shelf in my heart - to
hold that beauty - the very beauty I was creating.
I was reading a poem by William Blake
who I studied in college, and his last epic poem called "Jerusalem."
Blake created a composite figure called
Albion who asked all the questions that I was asking. He was kind of this
symbol for searching humanity, and there's
Jesus on the cross answering him
from the cross. Albion says
"Oh, Lord, my selfhood cruel marches against thee
deceitful to meet thee in his pride."
And Jesus answers from the cross - he says,
"Fear not, Albion.
Unless I die,
thou cannot live."
And then he - Jesus - goes into this soliloquy,
which is one of the most beautiful summarization
of
what the Christians call the Gospel - the good news.
And he tells Albion,
"Wouldst thou love one who never died for thee or ever die for one
who has not died for thee? And if God
dieth not for man and gives himself eternally for man,
man cannot exist. For
God is love as man is love,
and every kindness
to another is but a little death in the divine image."
I was reading it but it was almost like this voice
coming over me - this
voiced that washed over me, and
I realized at that moment
this historic figure of Jesus
was no longer just this historic
figure, but
he was the one who was calling me all along through my
creativity, and I realized - if this is true,
if Jesus is the one
who
gave his life for me so I would know love, the greater love
that I have been longing for. If this is true, then
that is exactly the paradigm
that would allow me to understand beauty -
beauty that I was creating - that I could
see that not just as a self-expression
but as an offering. And at that moment,
my life changed. I did not know
for about a year that I had become a Christian,
but I started to run with Jesus at that moment.
I wanted to know about Jesus. I wanted to know more about
the Bible. I wanted to understand
this love - love that
is defined by sacrifice
and at that moment,
I think I realized that art
which was this
god for me - a way
to seek out the truth -
has a deeper
magic, deeper well, and
and his name was Jesus.