As you probably know, or you may not know,
but if you don't, now you do.
I have a birthday this week.
[CHEERING]
Thank you.
Yeah it's a big one.
I have decided I'm going to turn 60.
Yeah.
Because a lot of people in Hollywood put that off.
They don't do it but I'm going to do it.
I am.
And I'm feeling great and I think
it's because I try to eat healthy
and I exercise every day.
And I try to keep stress out of my life, especially
little things.
Like what are they called, kids.
[LAUGHTER]
So I just had my physical and normally those results
would be private but since the president released
his last week, I thought it's only fair
that I do the same thing.
So please welcome my doctor from General Hospital, Dr. Griffin
Munro.
[CHEERING]
All right, thanks for being here doctor.
Why don't you tell everybody what your qualifications are?
Oh, sure.
Well, wardrobe gave me this lovely lab coat.
Props department gave me this handy heart listener.
Heart listener?
It's a stethoscope.
No.
Pretty sure it's a heart listener.
All right, well why don't you just
go ahead and read the results, tell everybody what you found.
OK sure.
You know I'd like to start by saying
you are in incredible shape.
You are as healthy as someone half your age.
I had no idea you were turning 90.
No I'm turning 60.
Huh?
My chart was upside down.
There we go.
I also found that you have fantastic reflexes
and your comedic reflexes are off the charts.
Here, I'll give you an example.
OK.
Why did the mermaid wear seashells?
She outgrew her B shells.
[LAUGHTER]
Very good.
Thank you, thank you.
Now we checked your BMI, which is good.
And you're still AAA, which is still covered.
And we did find you're still down with OPP.
Well you know me.
You know, for the next part of this test,
I'm going to need me to remove my shirt.
[CHEERING]
Really?
Are you sure that's right?
Ellen, please.
I'm a doctor.
[CHEERING]
Now for the eye exam, I'd like you to tell me
how many abs do I have?
[CHEERING]
One, two, three
What the hell is this?
Is this the woman that you've been seeing behind my back?
Yes and we are in love.
Why, what?
That's my job.
Yes, but it's my show.
[SLAPPING NOISES]
[CHEERING]
Wonderful, wonderful.
Happy birthday.
Thank you.
[CHEERING] That was Matt and Finola from General Hospital
everybody.