Times are bleak in the year 3000. Humans are implanted with career chips. Captains
send wave after wave of men to die in wars. It’s so bad that suicide booths
are a thriving business. Since Futurama is no stranger to dark world building,
we have to wonder just how tough its characters are in other dystopian settings.
Hello, I’m Brad from WickedBinge and today we’ll be looking at which Futurama Character
we think would survive Squid Game.
Before we hop in, we’ve got to lay down a couple ground rules.
First is that aliens, humans,
and robots alike will qualify for this hypothetical round of the games.
We will however be excluding characters that we feel have too much of a biological advantage.
Celestial beings as well as liquid life forms will not be making an appearance on this list.
Characters who normally have access to advanced technology will be without it
during the six rounds. Characters who ARE advanced technology will be taken with their
most default settings in place. (For example, Bender will still be allowed to bend things,
but he won’t have access to his X-ray cheating specs.)
With all that said, the candidates are as follows; Philip J. Fry, Turanga Leela, Bender,
Amy Wong, Professor Farnsworth, Hermes Conrad, Dr. Zoidberg, Scruffy, Labarbara, Petunia,
Sal, Kif Kroker, Zapp Brannigan, Morbo, Linda, Michelle, Calculon, The Crushinator, Donbot,
Elzar, Abner Doubledeal, Barbados Slim, Bubblegum Tate, Turanga Munda, Turanga Morris, Lrrr (from
the planet Omicron Persei 8), Hyperchicken, Flexo, Hattie McDoogal, and The Robot Devil.
Now, with all that said, let’s see which of our favorite futuristic characters have
what it takes to win the 45 billion won. Or Nixon bucks, potentially.
With our rules and players sorted, we can enter the first game. It is of course,
Red Light, Green Light.
This game is about decisive action, moving quickly, and a person’s ability to follow
instructions as though their lives depend on it. (In this instance they do.) There is no cap on how
many characters can survive this particular round, but it’s unlikely to blow over with 0 casualties.
Some characters would pass through this at warp speed. Leela has the no nonsense
attitude required to tackle the challenges correctly from the beginning. Barbados Slim
and Hermes Conrad both have experience holding difficult positions from their limbo careers,
and would be across the finish line in no time. We also know that Professor
Farnsworth is good at holding still enough he’s sometimes believed to be dead – and
madness doesn’t hurt old men in this round of the game, as was proven by Oh Il-nam.
Unfortunately, there are some characters who we don’t think would take the instructions seriously,
or understand what was being asked of them. Fry would likely be one of the
first players eliminated. Can’t you just see him raising his hand to ask a question
after the first ‘red light?’ His ex girlfriend Michelle is so jumpy that we think she’d probably
be joining him quickly. Hattie McDoogal would likely lecturing them, or the staff, getting
herself killed in the process. Hyperchicken, the southern lawyer, is too hyper to hold still,
even if he doesn’t panic. Finally, we don’t think that the robot mafia’s leader The Donbot,
or lazy construction worker Sal, are fast enough to make it over the finish line within 5 minutes.
6 of our 30 players died in the opening round, meaning that we have 24 contestants
left for Round 2; Honeycomb.
To win this round you need dexterous hands, patience, and determination. If you move too fast
you can break the honeycomb candy and risk elimination. If you work too slow,
you risk not finishing at all.
An obvious shoe-in to survive this round is The Robot Devil, since he has some of
the best hands in the year 3000. Labarbara’s hair-braiding routine makes her an excellent
candidate to pass through the challenge as well. Of course Bender would do just fine, as breaking
honeycomb is just a precision form of bending. (Flexo would pass through for the same reason.)
Not all robots have such an edge in this round, however. The Crushinator, despite having a gentle
heart, would most likely crushinate the cookie, taking her out of the running. Dr. Zoidberg has
proven time and time again that he lacks the surgical precision required by his profession.
Lrrr, from the planet Omicron Persei 8, doesn’t have the patience for such a task. We also think
Calculon would be too tempted by a room full of quiet people, and waste his time monologuing.
This means that we are down to 20 characters left to participate in the midnight brawl.
While not an official round of the game, it’s something that is being controlled
and observed by staff. Surviving the night can be accomplished through brains, brawn,
or loyalty. The ones you have to look out for are the ones most likely to stir up trouble.
A couple players are safe. Elzar knows how to use his status,
and bribes, to pull through easily. Bubblegum Tate would be logically
thinking through his strategy for the next game, not getting in the way of anyone.
Some characters are worse at keeping to themselves, however. Linda would be going
through some intense withdrawals at this point in the night and may well die trying to get
alcohol from the staff. Barbados Slim would undoubtedly try to make a play for Labarbara,
but we know from experience nothing can come between her and Hermes. Though we think Bender
may be the one to start drama in the robot group, we think it’s more likely for Flexo
to take that fatal fall. Finally, we have to say goodbye to Captain Zapp Brannigan.
Whether he’s trying to recruit men to die for him and they mutiny, or he’s trying to
bunk with a woman capable of killing him, we don’t think he survives until morning.
Even after that bloody night, we still have 16 out of 30 contestants to compete
in our next game; Tug of War.
Despite being a team game – we’re not going to be forming full teams.
Likelihood of survival in this round will be based on individual merit. Other factors
will include strength, determination, and their ability to work with others.
There are some characters who wouldn’t break a sweat. Morbo has strength,
and determination on his side. We also think Toranga Munda’s suction cupped tentacles
give her somewhat of an advantage in the game that can’t be overlooked.
Of course, there are also casualties. Kif lacks the determination and physical strength
that are both required for the round. Petunia would fall for pretty much the same reasons,
not to mention the shakes from being without her cigarette. The third and final person eliminated
this round is Toranga Morris, who we think is the least determined contestant left in the pool.
We have 13 contestants left, meaning that just over half of them have been
eliminated heading into our fourth game; Marbles.
Again, we won’t be outlining the specific teams for this so much as we’ll be looking
at traits that make a character more, or less likely to make it through the round.
Now there is some skill that goes into Marbles, depending on which version of the game you play.
Consider that a tie-breaker qualification. We’ll be looking more at emotional
manipulation and rational thinking for the key survival qualities this round.
There are some shoe-ins, as always. The Robot Devil survives for his experience
manipulating robots and humans alike. Abner Doubledeal has a similar background,
and can often be more convincing one-on-one. Bubblegum Tate makes the cut,
for his advanced knowledge of physics, which we think could be a tie-breaker in his favor.
There wouldn’t be winners without losers, however. We eliminated the two characters we think are most
likely to sacrifice themselves for their partners, Hermes Conrad and Turanga Munda. Their good hearts
prove to be their downfall. We’re also eliminating Morbo, who we think may very well break the
‘no physical violence’ rule after losing his patience with our petty human games.
This means we have only 10 of the
original 30 heading into the fifth and penultimate round; Glass Stepping Stones.
So much of this game is luck-based, but as you know, the biggest factor is the order in
which the characters play. As such, qualities that would normally be good, such as bravery,
confidence and initiative, can get characters eliminated.
Unlike the other categories, we’re going to go through this one chronologically,
meaning eliminations will be first this time around.
The first character to go would be Leela. Her take-charge attitude would
put her with an early number, if not the literal first. She’s relatively lucky,
but luck can only carry a person so far on the glass bridge.
Following her are Bender and Elzar. These two egomaniacs would also put themselves
near the front. Bender may actually be the first one to try and stall,
forcing other characters ahead of him. We think Elzar could be the one to call him out on it,
before ultimately having to follow him to the ground below.
Labarbara, Bubblegum Tate, and Professor Farnsworth, being reasonable people,
would probably all find themselves in the middle, where animal instincts and critical
thinking suggest it would be the safest. Therefore, they are all casualties as well.
Since their personalities inclined them to be near the back, Amy Wong,
The Robot Devil, Abner Doubledeal, and Scruffy
all find themselves in a relatively safe position. But don’t get too comfortable yet.
Don’t forget that you can always run out of time on the Glass Stepping Stones as well.
Since we have never seen Scruffy rush before, we think he’d probably choose last, giving him dead
last position on the bridge. This means that he is also eliminated for not finishing quickly enough.
This means that we have 3 players heading into our final Round of Squid Game.
For this we’ll be looking at morality, emotional manipulation, strategy, and more
than anything, physical fitness. Basica lly this is a full on combat situation,
but we’ve considered everything that might give one party or another the edge.
Not to spoil the surprise, but Abner Doubledeal doesn’t win.
We’re not entirely sure he makes it to the field, even. We think
he’d probably try to turn the other two contestants against one another,
but Amy and the Robot Devil both know a thing or two about how far a sleazy man can be trusted.
As such, our Squid Game comes down to Amy Vs. The Robot Devil.
The Robot Devil may have some advantages going in. We’ve established that his hands are amazing,
and he’s cunning, but he also has a robot body. While we’ve seen time and time again that robots
are just as susceptible to being destroyed as humans, it would be
intimidating to fight a robot. This gives him a psychological edge that Ms. Wong can’t match.
But we’ve seen what Amy can do when she’s determined. So the question is,
how bad does Amy want to win?
She was probably the only character in our entire roster who didn’t need the money. But we know that
she values her survival, and would probably be angry about the loss of her partner, Kif.
When it comes right down to it, we know she can take a beating,
and we know that the Robot Devil can’t.
That means that The Robot Devil falls, or surrenders, and is eliminated.
It also makes Amy Wong the lucky winner of our Squid Game!
That’s it everyone; our pick for Futurama character most likely to win Squid Game. But who
do you think would come out on top? Let us know in the comments down below,
and while you’re down there don’t forget to like and subscribe.
And as always, Stay Wicked.