- Make sure you shore up that blank, Black Falcon.
- There is no Black Falcon, I'm Green Falcon!
- There ain't a lot of brothers out here, man, in space.
(dramatic music)
- Lando. What? Oh!
Yo! Lando!
Yo, Lando Calrissian!
- Oh, hi. Yeah, that's me.
- Dude! Lando!
Yo, yo, you straight up running Cloud City right now, dog!
That's you, man! You out there!
(imitates video game shooting noises)
Swoosh!
- Well, you know, I do my best.
- Zeef, man! Zeef Howdo, big fan, big fan.
- Well, Zeef, it's real nice to make your acquaintance.
- Straight up, though, straight up, man,
you an inspiration to all of us, man.
You the reason I'm out here in Cloud City, dog.
Man I ain't joking, man.
- That's nice.
- But ideally though, - Yeah?
- Ideally, on an ideal situation
I would be doing, like, what you doing.
I'd be up there, like in the high chambers
of Cloud City, dog.
- Well, Zeef if it's nice to meet you.
- Yo, right on man!
Cause they got me in the Carbonite room right now, son!
That's (beep noise), right?
They got me working with some pig dudes and whatnot.
I ain't no pig, you know?
And you ever noticed, man?
There ain't a lot of brothers out here, man, in space.
Right?
It's like, they're trying to keep us down, man.
- You know, I don't think that it's policy.
I just think it's really, really difficult
to get to this level.
You've gotta understand the politics of the empire.
And at the same time, all the motivations
of the rebel alliance.
- All that, all that, all that, all that.
But ideally though, man, ideally what I'm talking about is
like me and you,
we should, like, do something together though man.
Cause if you think about it, yo, when I was younger, man
I used to fly those land speeders all the time.
My friends was like, man,
"You should be piling in one of the X-wings", right?
And so that's like disappointing, man.
Cause I got here and they just had me
cleaning up the R-2 units after the X-wings come in.
- Zeef, I gotta go, you should prob-
- Man, I'm saying man, how do we contact one another?
Cause that's the most important thing,
that we contact one another.
Yo look, man, ideally though, ideally though,
I would get to fly somehow, like, the Millennium Falcon,
like, that would be cool.
And yo, let me get you my card,
I got my card in here somewhere.
- Man, I'm just trying to find this pocket right here.
- Sometimes these suits, they don't got no pockets.
- You know what Zeef?
Just give your information to Lobot here
and we'll be in touch.
- Lobot? Man, I see how it is.
I gotta talk to your man-droid right now?
Man (beep noise) you (beep noise), little white ass hair.
Why you wearing a cape though?
Huh? Where you going, the Ice Planet Hoth?
- Outrageous.
(dramatic music)
♪ Saving Earth from space, Power Falcons! ♪
(shooting noises)
(loud crash)
- Yellow Falcon. What do your senses tell you?
- Destructo is a killing machine.
His armor is impervious to our blasters.
You got any ideas, Red Falcon?
- Sure do, Yellow Falcon.
Blue Falcon. You remember our battle at Dango Bluff?
I'll take the legs. You take the blasters.
- It was Beaver Creek and I took the legs.
Make sure you shore up that flank, Black Falcon.
- Um, are you talking to me? Because I'm the Green Falcon.
- No time for that, Black Falcon.
Purple Falcon, arm missiles!
- Roger that! Arming missiles now.
- Uh...
- Battle formations. We're going in.
- Hey! - Roger that.
- Hold up. - Copy that.
- Roger. - My Falcon is green.
- Hey, hey hey.
We can talk about our Falcon colors
when we get back to base, Black Falcon.
Right now we got a mission to do.
Fall into Falcon Formation.
(loud crash)
- Well now, here's the issue,
is that you're gonna gimme an order
I'm not gonna know you're talking to me
cause I'm not in a black falcon.
- Come on, chill it out, Black Falcon.
- Yeah, Black Falcon. Black.
- First of all,
I don't like the way you guys are saying black.
Second of all, there is no Black Falcon.
I'm Green Falcon. - Black Falcon, homie,
no, one's trying to get up in your grill here.
- Uh-uh, uh-uh, don't talk to me like that.
No, don't say "grill" like that.
I'm the Green Falcon and I,
- Oh stop being so Black Falcon about it.
- What the (beep noise) do you mean by that?
- Black Falcon, brother.
I understand what you're going through.
- Do you? No, I don't think you do.
How would you feel if I called you Red Falcon? Huh?
- Whoa! - And purple Falcon.
How would you feel if I called you Yellow Falcon? Huh?
- That's racist. - That was racist.
- Yeah, that racist.
- Oh, that is racist.
- That's racist? Oh see. Okay, no, forget it.
Black Falcon out. Green Falcon! Green Falcon. Damn it!
- Hey! Why that Green Falcon fall out of Falcon Formation?
Black Falcon. Get on that and report back.
Black Falcon? Black Falcon, come in.
♪ Saving Earth from space, Power Falcons! ♪
(aircraft flying)
(suspenseful music)
- Gotta be careful here. This place is crawling with them.
(mysterious noise)
What was that? - What?
- Cover me.
(dramatic music)
- Guys! Hey guys! Hey guys.
Oh, thank God.
We started a community of survivors.
Y'all come live with us.
(gun cocks)
(shooting noises)
- Wait, how did you know?
- Come on.
Redneck wants us to move into his community? Us? Let's go.
(suspenseful music)
- Guys, over here! Oh thank God! There are others.
- Would you let me date your daughter?
- Of course!
(shooting noises)
- Oh my God. Oh my God. Oh my God
Please don't hurt me!
My best friend's black and I love Jay-Z.
And my favorite movie is "Think Like a Man".
- She's good. - Come with us. Stay close.
- Okay. - What's your name?
- Emily. - Of course it is.
(dramatic music)
- Hey, hey, don't shoot, don't shoot!
- What do you think about the police?
- I love their third album.
(shooting noises)
- Oh! Oh! I don't have any money! No money! Aaahh!
(screaming echoes)
(dramatic music)
- Oh my God, oh my God.
Thank God you guys showed up. I gotta get outta here.
It's a silver Lexus.
Just pull it right up front and don't scuff the paint.
All right? I just had it buffed.
(single shot noise)
- Was he an alien too? - Yep.
(R&B music)
- Oh, dang.
Check that (beep noise) out.
- What
is
that?
- Ooh. I didn't know they made 'em like that.
- I don't even understand what I'm seeing.
- Ooh. I would love to see what's under there.
- I am really curious about that.
- Yeah, dog. Yeah.
- I mean I have no idea.
- Well, you know, we obviously have some idea, you know?
- I don't.
- Well, it's, you know, it's a coochie, baby.
- Yeah. Or something.
- No, no, no man. It's definitely her lady parts.
- Or maybe it's just more skin.
- Nope. It's a vagina.
- Yeah. Or maybe it's a little face under there.
- No, no. It's definitely gonna be a vagina.
- Why?
- Because she's a girl and girls have vaginas, man.
- What
is
that?
- What is a vagina?
It's a woman's reproductive organ. What?
Are you being serious right now?
(dramatic zoom noise)
(alien voice)
- Thank you. That is all I require.
- There's aliens! There's an alien down there.
- The zombies have broken through! I repeat, zombies!
- Aaahhh!
- Oh my god!
Tommy's been bit!
(dramatic music)
- Damn it, no, no! - What are you waiting for?
You know what you have to do!
- I can't do it. - You have to do it!
He's been bit!
(gun cocks)
- Forgive me, Tommy. - No, no, no!
(shooting noise)
(panting)
- I can't believe the zombies bit him!
- It wasn't a zombie, it was a raccoon.
Zombies are raccoons, right?
No? It's just zombies?
Oh (beep noise), you just killed Tommy.
(Key & Peele theme song)