(choral singing)
- Where am I?
- [God] Hi, Nora.
You're dead.
- What?
- [God] Yeah.
- Who is that?
Who that, Laverne Cox?
Who's that?
- [God] No, I get that a lot.
It's God.
You're in heaven.
- I'm in heaven.
That's tight.
(upbeat music)
I mean, it's cool that I'm in heaven,
I'm just,
I'm just really gonna miss my grandma,
and my dad.
- [God] That's sweet.
Did you visit them often?
- I lived with them.
- [God] You lived with them?
Honey, you're almost 30.
- So what?
Like, are you judging me right now?
Like, what?
We all have our own circumstances.
- [God] So like, were you injured, or in between jobs?
What was the deal there?
- I was getting my PhD, I was on sabbatical.
- [God] Girl, I'm God, I know when you're lying.
- If you know I'm lying, then why even ask?
You know what I mean?
- [God] It's obviously a test, Nora.
- Mm.
Well guess what else is a test?
You being a bitch.
- [God] Excuse me?
Did you just call God a bitch?
- No.
- [God] I'm pretty sure you did.
- No I didn't.
- [God] I got playback, watch.
- Well guess what else is a test?
You being a bitch.
- [God] Okay, that's it.
I'm done here.
- No.
No, gimme one more.
- No.
- [Grandma] Nora. - What?
- [Grandma] Nora?
- Grandma?
- [Grandma] Nora? (Nora screams)
- Nora.
- Jesus.
(rhythmic music)
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Does this look like an airplane bathroom?
- Sorry, sorry.
I didn't see you there.
I don't usually smoke.
It's just,
I got into a pretty big fight with my dad.
- Ah, I'm sorry to hear that,
but can I say, not surprised,
because dads are douchebags, right?
He's a drunk?
A hobo?
- No, he's, no he's not.
He's in IT.
- Well, I get it.
That's why to my dad, I had to say-
(woman imitates a gun firing)
- You killed your dad?
- Nah, we just don't talk.
- Okay.
- So what are you gonna do to your hair?
- I'm just gonna get, like, a light trim,
maybe a walnut gloss.
Do the walnut.
- Mm.
Walnut gloss.
- Mm-hm.
- Here you are, in this little hell hole,
you're vaping it up like Tallulah Bankhead,
and you wanna make a big move, right?
- Mm-hm, mm-hm.
- But you're scared, 'cause you don't trust the beast.
Trust the beast.
All right?
Why don't you bleach your hair?
- Yeah.
- Bleach your hair.
Bleach your asshole.
- Nora Lum?
- Yes.
- Get in there, kid.
- Follow me, ma'am.
Today you'll be paired with Asha.
- Great, awesome.
- I'm a good person.
(woman clears throat)
(upbeat music)
- [Grandma] Anyways, the story begins
back on my family's estate in rural China.
It was 1965.
My family was wealthy,
so I spent my days doing what all rich girls
liked to do in 1965.
Sit under a parasol, and stare at things for a long time.
It was nice to be rich.
- Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Chen.
- [Nora] You spoke English?
- [Grandma] I spoke Chinese,
but I'm translating to make it easier for you.
- [Nora] Oh, okay.
- [Grandma] Life was good,
until one day our garbage man,
dropped dead.
- [Nora] Oh shit.
- [Grandma] Oh, it's okay.
Because he was immediately replaced by-
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Oh yeah ♪ - [Man] Garbage Boy.
♪ I'm crying out to you ♪
♪ Baby ♪
- [Nora] Oh my God.
That is literally so (beep) gross right now.
- [Grandma] No.
Garbage Boy was so hot.
All I wanted was to get his attention.
♪ Now, pretty baby ♪
♪ Mm ♪
♪ Tell me ♪
♪ Do you like what you see? ♪
♪ 'Cause you know I need you ♪
- You done with that milk?
- I am now.
- There's still a bit left.
♪ Something's coming over me ♪
♪ Is it love? ♪
- Beautiful watch.
For a beautiful girl.
- [Young Grandma] Oh, this old thing?
It's a family heirloom, I just-
- [Grandma] And just like that, he took my breath away.
I knew right then that I needed to be with that boy.
- [Nora] The kid that chugs your old milk?
- [Grandma] Oh, you sound like my mother.
She completely disapproved of me dating Garbage Boy.
(speaking Chinese)
- I don't wanna be with the rich boy.
Garbage Boy is not trash.
(speaking Chinese)
Milk doesn't even expire.
- [Grandma] But my mother's disapproval
only made me want him more.
It was the start of the cultural revolution.
A time when rich people, and intellectuals,
were forced by the government
to destroy any sign of wealth and status.
Even though my family was wealthy, and therefore targets,
I still had other things on my mind.
(tranquil music)
(Young Grandma gasps)
- What up girl?
It me.
Shu Shu.
- [Man] Shu Shu.
- [Nora] You mean, Shu Shu, Shu Shu?
The one who couldn't go to Atlantic City?
- [Grandma] Yeah.
My best friend from China.
We told each other everything.
- Hello, best friend Shu Shu.
Sorry for the wide smile.
I'm just so in love.
- Oh, really?
With who?
- The boy who takes out our garbage.
Garbage Boy.
- Oh, Garbage Boy.
He is fine.
Saw him rip apart a cardboard box once.
No scissors.
Shit was sick.
- Ah.
Anyway, enough about me.
How are you, Shu Shu?
- I'm in love too.
- With who?
- Mao Zedong.
- Chairman Mao?
What, was he hot?
- Shu Shu thought so.
- Chairman Mao is so smart.
He's got this awesome place out the countryside,
called a village.
We're all going to be, like, joining the working class,
and working the fields.
It'll be rustic AF, bitch.
- I don't know.
I don't really like fields, you know,
and the rows of plants really freak me out.
Besides, the love of my life is here.
- Fine.
Suit yourself.
More rural D for me.
(rhythmic music)
- What's up fam?
This is absolutely Justin SB from Ferbes,
and we're about to hit up the Scrubr launch party.
Okay, if you saw this viral video
then you know it's gonna be absolutely spectacular.
And-
What is this?
Okay, absolutely not.
Let's go.
Torch it.
(phone cameras snapping)
Get a photo of that sick girl.
- Ha ha, welcome,
to Scrubr.
- Where's the VIP tent?
- Where's the bar?
- When do the Ladies Marmalade go on?
- Uh-huh.
- Jerry, Jerry,
Jerry. - Jerry.
Jerry.
- Okay, so, we're leaving.
- No. - No.
We're gonna turn this around. - No, no, no, no, no.
- We can turn this around. - No, no, no.
- We can change it, we can make it better.
We can make it good.
Justin, please? - No, no, no.
(upbeat music)
(Nora clears throat)
- Hi.
- Hey.
- What are you in for?
Double homicide?
(Nora and Greta laugh)
- You're funny.
- Thanks.
- Long story short, I swallowed a key.
- Oh, ouch.
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- And a little bit of hair.
But don't worry, it was human.
- Okay.
- Fun fact, did you know that DNA
can be stored in human hair for up to 10 years?
- I don't know if that's, like, the funnest fact,
but that's cool.
- I'm Greta, by the way.
- Oh, Greta.
Yeah.
Like that awesome climate change girl, right?
- That, like, hoodied, vegan, emo, prophet?
- Okay.
- No, I'm nothing like her.
- She's a shero.
- A shero?
- [Doctor] Nora Lum.
- Yes, thank you, it was so nice to meet you.
- [Greta] Nice to meet you too.
- And, I hope that you,
shit out the key,
without pain, and suffering.
- Bye girl.
(rhythmic music)
- Come on.
- [Chuck] Looking for this?
- Toeknee-
Are you, are you real?
- Yeah, yeah, I think so.
- Sorry, I,
been imagining some very non-sexy, non-real, things today.
Kind of-
- Yeah. - Yeah.
- Makes sense, yeah. - Yeah.
(Chuck sighs)
- These family things suck, huh?
- Yeah, tell me about it.
- Thanks.
- What?
Why are you looking-
Why are you looking at me?
- Oh, sorry.
I just,
I've never wanted to kiss a stranger so badly before.
- Me neither.
(Nora screams) - Whoa, oh, oh, oh, oh.
Sorry, kids, I was just looking for a pony
that escaped from the stable, you know,
what a slippery shitbag.
I mean, a good old boy.
Sorry kids.
- Wow.
- Okay, well, that's a sign that I should probably go.
But it was good meeting you,
and I hope that you're real.
- I am real.
Like JLo featuring Ja Rule.
- Okay, they were real in a different way, but-
- Both real.
- Right.
Bye.
- Oh, there he is.
There he is, Nora, I want you to meet someone.
It's my son, Chuck.
- Mom. - Ahh.
- Mom, hi. - [Nora] Mom?
- Yeah.
- Wait, oh, oh, wait.
That's your son, Chuck?
- Yes.
- [Chuck] Yeah.
- Half Papa.
- Yeah, I, I,
I have a type.
- Nora.
You're Nora.
- Son, mother, brother.
- What? - What?
(Chuck laughs)
- Oh.
- I can't wait for you guys
to spend some quality time together, huh?
That'll be fun, right?
- You, know, I'm actually down for that.
Yeah.
- Oh, I would love that, yes.
- Great.
- Yeah.
- Get some food.
- Oh yeah, I'll get you some breakfast.
I'll get some pancakes.
Oh, those are good.
- So, how long were you in the country?
We have some- - Got some cantaloupe there.
Or don't. - Just use my fingers.
It's a lot of fruit.
(upbeat music)
- Is that you?
- Yeah, that's me,
growing up here in Queens.
Look at my face.
Actually, you know, it was super racist back in the day.
- Oh dear, here we go.
- I'm out.
- What?
Grandma?
- Well, you guys don't know.
It was different back then.
We were the only Chinese family on the block.
- You'll never catch me.
- [Wally] But I made friends with the boy next door.
- Thief, stop.
Put your hands up.
Pew pew.
- [Wally] He was my best friend.
- Ow, he got me.
- [Wally] Until-
- Jimmy.
Get over here.
- I was just playing with Wally.
- You know better than to play with these Japanese traitors.
- I'm not Japanese.
- Get outta here now, go on.
- Wait, hey, what's going on?
- Wally?
Come back.
- I don't know.
- [Glenda] He's just joshing you.
You kids keep playing your game.
- [Jimmy's Dad] Glenda, I'm not kidding around.
- [Glenda] He's kidding.
- [Jimmy's Dad] I'm not kidding around, Glenda.
- [Glenda] Can you hear yourself?
Everybody hears you.
- [Jimmy's Dad] Get inside.
- [Glenda] You're embarrassing.
- Damn, Mr. Lum, that's like the first half of Grand Torino.
- That kind of shit happened all the time.
The kids in the neighborhood
used to play pickup games in the park.
- [Kids] Me, me, me, me.
- [Wally] But I never got picked.
- Robert.
- Michael S.
- Michael P.
- Michael R.
- Mikey D.
- [Wally] It was brutal, waving.
It felt like everybody got picked, except me.
- Hey, I'm over here.
- [Wally] A kid with a broken arm.
This total nerd.
- Seriously?
- That dorkus over me?
- [Wally] One kid just wearing a suit.
- You.
- [Wally] And this old man
who just happened to be sitting there.
- Is that guy even allowed to be around kids?
- Finally, I was the last one,
and there was one spot left.
I mean, they had to pick me, right?
- Cactus.
- What the hell, that's a goddamn cactus.
- I was devastated.
I had to just stand there behind the fence
and watch them play,
having so much fun.
Even worse that (beep) cactus made a big catch.
- [Kids] Cactus, cactus, cactus.
(Young Wally crying)
- Are you crying?
- No.
I'm just allergic to the sun.
- [Wally] Anyway, the game went on.
The kid in this suit, he had to go to his uncle's funeral.
So the captain turns to me and he says-
- Wally, you're up.
- Me?
Yes.
- [Wally] It was my first at bat ever.
I was so excited.
- I got this.
- [Wally] And do you know what I did?
- It's a home run.
(kids cheering)
- [Kids] Wally, wally, wally.
- No, that's not what happened.
- Yeah, it is.
- Tell the truth, Wally.
- Shut up, Wally.
- No, you shut up.
- [Nora] What the hell's going on?
- [Wally] All right.
The true story is I stepped up to the plate and-
(drum rolling)
I was, like, out cold for, like, 45 minutes.
- You know what?
(Beep) them kids.
And (beep) the cactus too.
- I mean, it would be pretty painful,
to (beep) the cactus,
I appreciate the sentiment. - He didn't mean it like that,
Dad, he meant, you know- - I know.
- [Nora] Like, screw them.
(upbeat music)
- Mm.
- So, here at the Union of Seven Moons,
we're living off the land.
We build our own houses, we make our own clothes.
We're completely self-sufficient.
- Hmm.
Sounds like one of those, like, Netflix documentary,
hippie cult.
- It's not a cult.
(both laughing)
No, we don't, we don't, we don't use that word.
It's more of a place to,
sort of understand the world,
through a reflection of the self.
- What do you mean the self?
- Well, haven't you ever wondered, Nora,
who you really are?
I mean, why you're here, what your life's purpose is?
- Yes, at times I've had these thoughts,
yeah.
- I see conflict in your eyes.
I see chaos and confusion, Nora.
- I don't wanna be a loser.
Someone who has nothing to fight for.
I had some bird shit in my hair for, like,
a month.
- That's good luck.
- Right.
But I just wanted to be cognizant of it,
and you know, get it out, you know?
- Yeah.
Well, here at the Union, we define our own success.
Here, you are a star in a constellation.
Want some leaf branch?
Yeah, yeah, try it, it's good.
Mm, mm.
Mm-hm.
(rhythmic music)
♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
(Nora gasps)
♪ Mmm, mmm ♪
- Hi, Nora.
(thunder cracks)
- [Nora] Ow, holy shit.
Both my arms broke.
- And I now pronounce you,
man, and wife.
You may now throw the bouquet.
(guests clapping)
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ooh ooh ♪
- Shall we intercourse tonight, my love?
- Darling, you know,
I've told you several times
that what we do is not intercourse.
- Oh, what do you call what we do?
- It's just you singing hymns to me,
and kind of smelling the back of my scalp,
which is great, and I really enjoy it,
but I just need a couple more minutes.
- Are you writing your grandmother again?
- Yeah.
It's been weird, she hasn't,
she hasn't responded in a while.
I wonder if, like, the mail is slow, or something.
- Well, I could ride into town and check on the postal.
- Oh, that's so nice of you.
I think she's just busy, you know.
- Just like you.
Always busy, building earthen shelters,
and harvesting rhubarb.
You are the smartest female I've ever met.
And you know so much about the outside world.
For instance, what is internet?
- Ah, the internet.
The internet,
is like a magical box,
and inside contains all the knowledge in the world.
- Maybe someday, I will use internet
to research my middle name.
- What's your middle name?
- Bukkake.
- What?
- Bukkake.
My papa gave it to me,
just before he left for the outside world.
And I've always wondered, what does it mean?
Do you know what bukkake means?
- Yes.
Yes I do.
I do.
Bukkake,
was a legendary bear,
who died for his bear wife,
in battle.
- Wow.
Praise the moons for internet.
Praise the moons for bukkake.
- But also, we don't need the internet, here.
In our community, we have family and trust,
and that's all we need.
(upbeat music)