The 45th president of the United States
got impeached.
-(cheering and applause) -Hey, whoa!
Well, you guys might be cheering,
but when Democrats in the House tried to cheer last night,
Nancy Pelosi shut it down
real fast.
NEWSWOMAN: House Speaker Nancy Pelosi maintaining control
of her caucus with a glance and a gesture alone
at one point yesterday.
On this vote, the yeas are 230.
The nays are 197.
Present is one.
Article I is adopted.
(scattered applause)
(laughter)
Damn.
Nancy didn't want to hear any gloating last night.
She killed that celebration quick.
Did you see that?
That kind of look would send a champagne cork
back into the bottle.
That-That's how intense that was.
They were like, "Pop!
Whoop."
But while the Democrats were impeaching,
the impeachee himself was holding a rally in Michigan,
and he wants everyone to know
that he's totally okay with being impeached.
It doesn't really feel like we're being impeached.
Do you...
That's why... You know, with Richard Nixon,
I just see it as a very dark era.
Very dark. Very... Oh.
You don't even like to think.
I don't know about you, but I'm having a good time.
It's crazy.
Aw.
Poor Trump, man.
He just became the third president in history
to get impeached, and you see what's happening.
He's trying to convince everyone that it doesn't bother him.
You know, he's just like, "It doesn't even feel like...
like we got impeached."
Like, yeah, no, not "we." You got impeached.
There's no "we."
You know what this reminds me of?
This reminds me of, like, when you were a kid
and then you wiped out on your bike
in front of all your friends,
but then you got up and you had to play it cool.
And your friends were like, "Hey, man, are you okay?"
You're like, "Yeah, that wasn't nothing.
"I-I did it on purpose
'cause I thought it would be funny."
And your friend is like,
"Dude, I can see the white stuff under your skin."
You're like, "Yeah, I'm going home."
(whimpers)
So, Trump... Trump really wants people
to think that impeachment is no big deal to him,
but he also wants you to think it was a travesty.
I'm the first person to ever get impeached and there's no crime.
I-- Like, I feel guilty. You know what they call it?
Impeachment lite. It's impeachment lite.
You know what they have done?
They've cheapened the impeachment process,
and now... anybody that becomes president,
I mean, they could have a phone call
and they get impeached.
Okay, first of all,
"impeachment lite"?
There's no impeachment lite, okay?
Impeachment is like herpes.
You either have it or you don't.
"Oh, don't worry, baby.
This is just some diet herpes right here."
(chuckles) And, also,
I like how he says everyone who becomes president from now on
can get impeached for having a phone call.
Obviously, what Trump said on the phone call with Ukraine
is what matters, not the fact that he just made a call.
Like, Trump's either being disingenuous
or he took completely the wrong lesson from this whole thing.
Because this would be like O.J. going,
"All right, fine, I learned my lesson.
I won't wear gloves anymore."
Although... (chuckles)
although part of me, part of me thinks
that Trump is just setting up an excuse
for not calling Eric on his birthday.
That's what he's just doing. "I'm sorry, Eric.
I just can't call you. I can't risk another impeachment."
"But you said it was impeachment lite."
"Still too risky, boy. Too risky."
So, look, man, Donald Trump can try and act
like he doesn't care about impeachment,
but you cannot deny that this is a bad way
for him to end the year.
So, here at The Daily Show, we thought,
with this being our final show of 2019,
we would do the president a solid
and focus on one of his major achievements of this year,
inventing an incredible array
of new words.
I know words. I have the best words.
♪ ♪
He was awarded the Bronze Star
and the Combat "Infantroopen" Badge.
Heart, lung and liver "transpants."
And to "deligitimatize..."
Made a "pivittible" f-- Really,
and, I mean, this was pivotal.
"Heroilynn" alone--
if you look at the heroin epidemic...
To fully reauthorize the "9/Elective"--
11 victims.
President Franklin "De-lay-no" Roosevelt.
We must seek real "bipartiss solucius."
"Asbadidizziz," it-it meant something.
And all 50 states to immediately waive
all "apliculibulls" state taxes.
Americans of all walks of lice "rofe"-- rose up.
And we used to have "raydoh" f-f--
like, I think radio.
You know, we just sent another "slock rocket."
Y-You saw that, right?
The stock market.
On January 23, "Veneswaylass..."
By "Venezwellzso"...
"Venezwhalezz."
I hope they now go and take a look at the oranges--
the oranges of the, uh, uh,
investigation, the beginnings.
You've really, uh, put a big investment in our country.
We appreciate it very much, Tim Apple.
More than 2,000 years ago,
a brilliant star shone in the "eastwisemen"
traveled far, far afield.
"Enentheyannouced therewasnobyesno."
You know what...
To improve this country and "duurrrr" if a government...
I have the best words. I have the--
But there's no better word than "stupid."
Can't wait to see what he comes up with next year.