You've been summoned here today because of an urgent matter concerning the realm of Britannia.
Recently a rogue tribe to the Northern neighbouring Germania have been growing steadily rebellious.
Your assignment is to peacefully resolve this tumultuous conflict on our nation's border while ensuring the native tribe is not alienated or destroyed.
After all we don't want another genocide on our hands, do we now? This is no job for any ordinary man,
which is why I have assigned it to our top diplomatic official!
Unfortunately, he was killed in a recent castle smashing incident, which is why I have transferred it over to his senior official...
You!
Fear not, Sir. The legacy of Xavier The Fine And Sexy diplomat
will be preserved by the cold, calculating war-bloodied hands of peace.
Dreyfus, do you really think sending Gilthunder is a good idea?
No, it's a brilliant idea!
I was not asking you!
Esteem-ed Holican Knights...
you have my word as a state-sanctioned fear mongering warlord that I will resolve this conflict swiftly, peacefully and competently.
Eeeeeee...
You did the exact opposite of what you were supposed to do! Did you not read the mission briefs?
Of course not! You can't read underwear, you wear it. It's underWEAR, not underREAD!
UGH! Did you even prepare for this diplomatic mission!
Of course I did!
Barbarians of Germania! You've been causing a racket on the border.
Now, it is my turn to cause a racket...
of peace.
You...you challenged them to a game of Racket Sports?
Of course! Racket Sports are my forte!
Why I reckon I could squash you on the tennis court and tennis you on the squash court.
How did things break down into a goddamn bloodbath?
After issuing the challenge, I was forced into a stické situation.
They didn't accept your challenge?
No! They challenged me to a game of Stické, a form of indoor tennis meshed with the rules of racquetball. Purely, a sport devised by savages!
I'm not even going to touch that one.
I couldn't figure out the ruleset. I kept altering between tennis and squash.
Down 7 Ostriches to 12 Stinkrats, my back was against the wall.
The Stické wall to be precise! At the end of my wits, I told them I'd literally kill everyone involved in popularizing such a stupid sport.
To which they replied it was their national sport. So, naturally...
Naturally what?
We didn't think you were being literal!
I'm a very literal man! Now brace yourselves for my Lightning Fists!
Where the hell did you learn to Diplomacy?
Why, the teachings of Tolstoy's magnum opus, War and Peace!
I only read the first half.
Enough, Sir Gilthunder!
Effective immediately! For your incompetence resulting in the genocide of the indigenous Germania tribe, you will be...
EXECUTED!
/0_0\
Wait, did I say executed? I meant excused...
from the Vaizel fighting tournament.
Sir! You cannot be serious!
Oh really?
Oh for the love of...
Sir, with all due respect...
I don't respect your decision in the least! I have won that tournament the last four years to Gilthunderous applause
Who could possibly take my stead?
How about Howzer? I hear he's been...
Mmm Hmm
...working on his guns.
Oh boy! I finally get my chance to show off these bad boys!
Also my biceps.
But...but my legacy!
My 'Most people killed in a non-mortal combat tournament' record!
Don't worry, Gilthunder. I'll give 'em the old one-two BAM for you.
No Howzer, give them the NEW one-two-bam for me. Your Grace, it is with utmost pride
I humbly accept your punishment. I bid you adieu.
Christ Almighty! Now how do we patch our relations with Germania?
What do you mean Hendrickson? They're resolved!
But...
Do you really think Germania is capable of a backlash after this utter obliteration?
Sure, they may rally behind this tragedy, but who do they blame?
Britannia? We've reprimanded the individual responsible for the atrocious incidents. We've washed our hands!
It wasn't the Britannia military, just one reckless individual. Our Fine and Sexy top diplomatic official,
who we've since 'executed' by the ancient Brittania execution method of 'Castle Smashing'
You sent Gilthunder, knowing he'd fuck it up and slaughter the Germainians, didn't you?
My dearest Hendrickson, what can I say?
I'm a great, fucking, political Holy Knight!
Good evening and or morning, gentlemen.