since we are talking about delivering the truth I'm gonna actually jump into
this little section right here which is called tactfully delivering the truth
when delivering criticism it is important to do it with consideration
and delicacy if you punch someone in the face with criticism they will become
defensive and are unlikely to take the criticism on board so a more indirect
approach is needed and again that's what we just talked about with the other
section which is oh look I'm just going to tell them what's up you need to
control your ego you know that's gonna work out great okay so how do we do this
how do we tell the truth tactfully okay here first care about your people that's
number one care about your people if you truly care about them they will know
that and they will accept your criticism more easily and this is this is
something that I fought about talking with Flynn and when I was the OIC of
trade at I was actually listening to Flynn at the muster and he was talking
about these savage debriefs that I would give and I have some recorded all
playing for you sometimes oh they're savage yeah I was coming off the top
ropes I mean I was coming off the top ropes and as I'm sitting there listening
it to Flint because even at that time like Flynn Cochrane not hard guy to read
right like like he's he's not a guy that's like hey I'm not sure what he's
thinking like you know you're looking at Flynn you're like okay I see where he's
at Lafe same thing right Lafe is like hey you know what is that
what is that term where's where your motion on your sleeves right Lafe is no
stranger life is not shy about saying hey i'm not exactly good and he's I mean
imagine you know at least in it like now but imagine when life was or whatever
right not exactly able to contain his emotions or hide his emotions so as I'm
listening to Flynn up there talking about how I used to give these savage
briefs and Cirelli same thing right like how hard is it to tell when sir Elly's
pissed off it's like so easy right so when I'm sitting there listening Syme
thinking man I used to debrief these guy not all those guys every one of them I
gave them debriefs that were born full right and I'm
thinking myself what how is it that on any of their faces any of their faces I
never saw that look of like screw you you know what shut up you don't know
what you're talking about never and and I real and it was the same with like I
had one guy that had that that I could read that on that I put through training
and he's the guy that in podcast number five I wrote a counseling letter for
which I very seldom did and explained to him that he was not gonna make it in the
SEAL Teams if he didn't be moral if he wasn't didn't become more humble and a
bunch of other things but that's a guy that I could I could see on his face
like when I was debriefing him he was pissed but every now think I mean I'd
debriefs hundreds of guys and and yet they would always be like like Roger you
know like that kind of like they disappointed me like it wasn't they were
disappointed that that's the that's the feeling I always got from Flynn was I
can you know Roger or from life like Roger you know like that's what I that's
what I always got back why is that it's real easy the reason is because all
those guys knew and and the guys that I was putting through training knew more
than anything else in the world I cared about them and I knew that they were
going overseas and I knew that they're going into combat and more than anything
else I wanted them to be able to accomplish the mission and I wanted them
and their guys to be safe and okay and come home and they knew that so when it
comes to delivering truthful feedback the number one thing is to care about
your people number one and then the next thing is take ownership of your problem
of the problem itself of course extreme ownership should be the fundamental
principle used utilized by any leader and
our tactics of employing extreme ownership when trying to critique a
subordinate you utilizing extreme ownership while providing feedback might
sound like this here's some tactical maneuvers instead of saying you failed
to get the project done on time use what support or assets could I have given you
so that we could have gotten the project done on time instead of saying you
failed to meet the mission objectives try using I don't think I did a good job
of explaining the mission objective did you fully understand it
instead of saying your lack of professionalism caused this client to go
to our competitor try saying I think I allowed things to get too slack around
here in terms of our professionalism I think that's one of the reasons why we
lost that client to one of our competitors
now there's guaranteed to be people listening this right now that are
thinking what would you that's weak you should just tell them how are they ever
gonna understand what you're talking about and it goes back to this when I
attack them they're not listening that's all there is to it when I attack them
the whole thing now if you have a great relationship with you if they know you
care about them if you know that if they know that you have their best their best
interests and that's why you're talking to him yeah you can you can go harder
and also when you get people that you try indirect approaches on and it fails
well then you escalate your directness and over time until you're eventually
like listen you failed this project and this is not acceptable and if it happens
like yes you get there totally absolutely don't start there don't start
there and by the way also this is in the book it's important to take note that
these are not simply techniques you are utilizing so your pesky subordinate
falls into line that is not the point the point of all these statements and
the whole point of taking ownership is that you must truly believe what you are
saying and you should because the ownership statements and those examples
are not simply lip-service they are true if the leader follows up with the team
members and make sure that they have all the support and assets they needed to
complete the job on time then the job will get done on time if a leader
correctly explains the mission in simple clear concise manner and then ensures it
is understood by the team the team will accomplish the mission if
a leader fails to emphasize the importance of professionalism then it
should come as no surprise that subordinates fail to act professionally
yes it's on you the leader