Air traffic control does need an upgrade, and yesterday,
at the tiniest desk in the world,
Donald Trump got it done.
Today we're proposing to take American air travel
into the future, finally.
Finally.
(camera shutters clicking)
Okay?
Now, now... now, hate him or love him,
you've got to admit that Donald Trump looks really cute
when he signs things at that tiny portable desk.
Right? Looks like a little kid that's just, like,
fighting hard. (grunting)
You know what, you know what, it actually looks like
one of those high chairs they give kids at restaurants.
You know? Like, I'm just waiting for him to flip over the page
and do the Little Mermaid maze on the back.
(like Trump): I like this. So many walls, so many walls.
My pen is like a Mexican.
(laughter)
It looks like fun.
(cheering, applause)
But...
but I have to admit, I have to admit,
when I saw that signing, I was like, wow,
Donald Trump
Stroke of a pen. Boom. Decisive.
Except then I learned
that that executive order was more of an executive suggestion.
NEWSWOMAN:
the president went on to sign not a bill,
but a memo to Congress outlining his proposal,
which has no binding effect.
There's nothing that is being handed over at this point
to Congress as part of a package.
This is a roll-out
of the president's priorities, essentially,
and the principles that he wants to be pushing
when it comes to infrastructure.
What the hell, people?
He just wrote a to-do list, then signed it,
like it was all done?
He really is a TV president.
Like, and I don't know if you've noticed,
but this is a recurring theme
that is one of the weirdest parts of Trump's presidency.
He loves the performance of doing things,
but a lot of the time, nothing's actually being done.
Essentially, Donald Trump wants to
but he doesn't want to
Because this infrastructure deal is a great example.
Just listen to what he said back in April.
All right. You see that there? A month ago Donald Trump said
the infrastructure plan was largely completed,
but then just this weekend,
the director of his national economic council
admitted that there is no plan.
Right? He admitted there's no plan.
So there's nothing they can implement.
Donald Trump is like a creepy boyfriend
touching his girlfriend's belly going,
(mimics Trump): "Yeah, we're expecting a boy.
We are, we are."
(normal voice): And his girlfriend's, like,
"We've never even had sex."
And just like most of Trump's deals,
once you start to read the fine print,
you realize it's not what it seems.
Remember the-the giant Saudi arms deal last month? Yes?
The president was bragging on Twitter.
(reading as Trump):
(normal voice): Now, that tweet makes it sound
like Trump completed $110 billion deal,
got the cash, and then rolled back to America
like a presidential Lil Jon. Just like,
♪ Everybody ♪
♪ Jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs, jobs. ♪
That's what it sounds like.
It sounds like that.
I mean, I was even excited.
This was great news.
Except it turns out that there was no actual deal.
There was no deal that was signed.
It was people saying, maybe we'd like
to do deals in the future.
So Trump's infrastructure plan doesn't exist.
The Saudi deal is not actually a deal.
How about the thing he cares most about? Tax cuts.
Our tax bill
is moving along in Congress,
and I believe it's doing very well.
I think a lot of people will be very pleasantly surprised.
President Trump may be getting ahead of himself.
There is no tax bill moving along in Congress.
(laughing)
Man... I wish all news anchors were black women,
'cause they will call you out on your (bleep).
They will call you out on your (bleep).
(cheers and applause)
So much of what Trump says has happened
hasn't happened at all.
And we shouldn't be surprised
because, essentially, this was always his move.
TV REPORTER:
to separate his business empire from his presidential powers.
These papers are just some of the many documents
that I've signed turning over complete and total control.
TV REPORTER:
to actually open those files or look in them,
and there were no markings on the folders
to identify what they actually were.
TV REPORTER:
would make a $100,000 donation to a veterans charity.
But then the
Trump never donated that money to those charities at all.
TV REPORTER:
along the Atlantic City Boardwalk.
To get Holiday Inn to make a deal with him,
he invited their executives to the site,
and made it look like construction
was well underway.
I had every truck available in the area moving on that site.
They saw that action, they were immediately impressed
and we made a deal, like, right then on the spot.
Yeah. There you have it.
Trump, in his own words, proud of the con.
And I wouldn't be shocked, if in eight years
he's saying the same thing about the U.S.
(mimics Trump): You should have seen America.
They bought it hook, line and sinker.
All I did was sign some (bleep) and they were in.
(normal voice): And I don't know about you,
but I think it's time we take action
and crack down on these phony claims.
Do you guys want to do something about this?
-Me, too. -(cheering)
You know why?
Because I've also got a tiny desk, people.
I've got a tiny desk for doing stuff.
And no more lies.
No more lies.
(cheers and applause)
Done. Done!
It's done! No more lies!