when I put up the tweet in the facebook
status that asked for you guys's
questions one of the biggest ones I got
also what the most likes was how do you
know someone's the one and kind of fit
with that is how do I know I'm in God's
will now I really want to answer that
one because I also struggle with that
one for years I would sit down and I
would read the Bible and I would open
and try to find exact passages to fit
exact decisions in life and to be honest
it kind of left me depressed because I
could never find an exact answer I would
treat the Scriptures almost like they
were a fortune cookie
and like a roadmap to life looking for
this one thing that tells me about my
life but my view has totally changed on
what the Scriptures are because I
realized they're not just little cookie
cutter answers for me and my life
they're actually a grand narrative huge
story about one man Jesus and how he
redeemed humanity and how he redeems
people who trust in him and so when I
started seeing that differently it
started to change my view of kind of
those questions and so the way I'd
answer that question is how do you know
someone's the one now this might depress
someone and this might you know make
some of you like lose the Disney type
fairytale dream but I don't think
there's such thing I don't think I think
you've watched too much Disney and too
much The Notebook and read too much
Nicholas Sparks if you think there's the
one now why do I say that first is just
logically if there is the one then if
the if a guy three thousand years ago
married the wrong person who wasn't the
one that means he must have tore down
the lineage all the way down into
history because he married someone
else's one and that person has to marry
someone else's one and so it just
doesn't logically work because if
there's one and if one person messes it
up then it doesn't work anymore and
secondly I've realized that it puts way
too much pressure on the other person
usually the girls the one that kind of
has that idea of I'm looking for the one
and looking for that perfect person and
what happens is you uphold this ideal
that only Jesus and God can satisfy and
then you put a burden on that guy that
he cannot bear and it crushes him no
matter how good he is to you no matter
how much he serves you you want him to
be even a little bit more just a little
bit more do a little bit better and so
the truth is for guys and girls out
there it's not about finding the
it's about preparing yourself to be the
one because a lot of times if we can be
honest we're just lazy
we want to find the one because they
make our life easy they have all the
attributes that fit perfectly with our
life so that we don't have to change or
we don't have to maneuver or restructure
our life but God actually says marriage
which you know the pre-emptive of that
is dating is so it's to make us holy
more than to make us happy it's about
making us look like him and so I would
say there's no such thing as the one you
don't have to struggle with the pressure
of trying to think there is the one and
that God's gonna get mad at you if you
pick the wrong one and concentrate on
yourself
put yourself in church community
surround yourself with awesome people
who help you grow and help you learn try
to say how can I become a person that
will better serve that spouse because
what happens is if you believe in that
one then when they mess up or when they
do something that makes you mad you kind
of are a slave to them because you
always react to it so if you believe in
that kind of Idol of a person of a guy
or a girl when they mess up but when you
get in an argument you get depressed or
you struggle or makes you sad but if
you're resting and putting your identity
and who God is and how he's lined you up
to be with him then when that person
does mess up or does fail you because
your identity is not in that person but
in God you can give them grace you can
give them forgiveness and you can give
them love but if you're attached to them
as your identity you can never do that
you always react based upon what they do
and so you can have freedom to just pick
now if you're in unrepentant sin or
you're not in church community then yeah
you might pick the wrong person but I
totally believe if you're in church
community if you have a good group of
godly mentors people above you and if
you're not in any unrepentant sin no
secret sin and you're just being
transparent and walking with Jesus and
Bible study and prayer it's kind of
scandalous to say but pick whoever you
want pick whoever you want I mean does
it bother anyone that in Acts chapter 1
the Apostles actually drew straws to see
who would become the next apostle they
trusted God so much because they were an
intimacy with him and relationship with
him they trusted him to pick who would
be the right one and so I would say if
you're in all those things and you're
just walking the journey with Jesus pick
whoever you want you don't have to have
that
because the truth is it's not about
finding the one it's just about treating
that person with love grace forgiveness
and mercy and you can do that with
anyone you can do that this person this
person or that person and it makes it
takes all this pressure off and all this
burden off the relationship and the last
thing I'll say on this topic is one of
the worst parts about having the one or
upholding a standard that no one can
meet that absolutely no one can meet
because none of them none of us are
perfect except Jesus the worst kind of
worst part about upholding that standard
is that you miss good godly people all
around you you missed up you're walking
by your future spouse every single day
because your standard is so high you'll
never actually find that person and so
when you understand that God gives you
freedom to choose when you're living in
community eluding and living an intimacy
with him then what happens is you start
to notice people in your life who might
make a good partner to be on mission
with you to do what God has called you
to do
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