Hi I'm Jennifer Whalen.
I'm Meredith MacNeill.
Hi I'm Aurora Browne from Baroness Von Sketch Show.
What was I like as a teenager?
I think... I think I was wondering what I was like
when I was a teenager.
I was pretty wholesome.
I was the wholesome, kind of goth?
I think I was okay.
I was the valedictorian.
I did the sports.
I read the announcements over the intercom
in the morning one year.
I was in the musical in high school.
I was super nerdy.
I loved The Smiths.
I wore a lot of black.
I read a lot of Sylvia Plath.
If I could go back to high school
knowing what I know now...
I'd be a little more chilled out.
Yeah I just don't think I would go.
I think I would escape more.
I remember being a teenager and escaping from parties.
Like if it got really tense and weird
or there was like too much
like you have to make out with someone now.
I'd always be like, "oh look there's a bike in the garage
we should all jump on it and ride around the block."
There are lots of people I'm friends with on Facebook
now and I'm like why didn't I talk to them more
in highschool?
Or ask them about this.
You know, you're so busy trying to make it through
you don't have the mental space to be like
hey what's new with you?
I also was very good at skipping class.
So I think I just wouldn't go.
I think I'd give some kid my assignment
and I'd be doing something else.
I'd be listening to The Smiths in my basement, moping.
So, I wanted to be cool.
Like in Grade 6.
Not cool but just like smart and everyone is like
that kid knows things.
I went to this very weird high school that
was built to hold 700 kids and when I went there,
there were 2000 students.
We were doing fundraising for the
competitive rowing team that I was on.
Another part of my wholesomeness.
Anyway, there was this cat it was almost decomposed.
And I was like, I'm going to go get its spine.
And so, it had a tiny bit of hair on it, but anyway.
I picked it up and I went like this and I got the spine
and then I put it in a Sobeys bag.
And I thought oh my god, when I go to Ms Miles
science class everyone is going to think I'm so cool
because I have an actual spine.
There was a portable where I remember every morning
the kids in the class would pick an item
from the portable.
Like it could be an over head projector,
it could be a kids desk, it could be the teachers desk.
And they would all take it, take it out the door,
and throw it over the fence of the neighbouring house
into the yard because one of the kids dads...
well obviously the kid lived there too.
That was there house, and so the kids dad
every morning would be like
over head projector I believe this is yours,
desk I believe this is yours,
so that happened.
This chicken barn was like a kilometer long
and it was a hot, hot summer night.
It was really humid.
And it felt like a circle of hell
because it took forever, it was hot
the roof was lower than the room we're in now,
and there were thousands of chickens.
There were three to a cage,
and they come to the end of their laying life.
And we were little, you know teenagers,
with maybe not even our full adult strength.
They were like okay you gotta reach in,
grab the chicken by the leg and pull it out
real quick before it knows what's happening
because then it won't be able to like
catch itself on the thing.
You know that moment in life as soon as you
do it you're like I shouldn't of done that.
It was a real traumatic fundraising event.
As soon as I did it I was like this wasn't a good idea.
Okay, here's the lesson.
You may think it's a great idea
to get an asymmetrical haircut
because you want to edge up your look.
A key lesson I take away with me, if you are feeling
pressure at a new years party that you have to make out
with someone, you don't!
One of the most easily summed up things
my mom said to me once.
I was stressing about like I have to do this,
and then go somewhere the next day.
Should I, should I fly?
She's like, your time is worth money.
And I was like, yes my time IS worth money.
And you may go to the hair dresser who may say to you
repeatedly "I'm not sure this is a good idea."
While you go, no no no.
Listen to all those people. It's a terrible idea.
It will take you two years to grow out. Don't do it!
Your time is worth money.