Thanks very much for coming in to see us today Ruth. I know, having represented you, how private a person
you normally are. Perhaps you could explain to us why you have been willing to tell your story?
I really hope it stops... I really hope it helps people to realise that they don't have to feel so ashamed
about what has happened. That it has got nothing to do with them and that they need help at this point in their
lives, they need help to get them through to the next point in their lives - safely.
I'd like to help other people find the confidence to come in, to see a solicitor, to help them find out a bit more
about their position and about how solicitors can help them through the court process.
When its actually going on you don't want to talk to anyone, you don't want to let anyone know that there is
anything wrong. You don't want to be on social media - I still don't. You don't want to let anyone think that there
could be anything the matter with your relationship or with what is going on and you tend just to blame
yourself for everything. Going through the court process was a really positive experience for me even though
it was really difficult to do; because we actually had our voices heard and we wouldn't have been heard without
the help of Fiona and Peter representing us - I really couldn't have done this on my own.
I know you have been through a lot to get through the court process. Now you are kind of out the other side,
what is life looking like for you now - how are you feeling now?
When I left the women's refuge and after the court cases that is when the majority of the trauma came out
properly. And after that, and after being given a fresh start I was able to rebuild my confidence and
our lives. And I'm feeling like my old self again and I feel that we have really had our voices heard and were in a
much stronger position for the future. My son and I are now settled in a different house and looking forwards
to our future.
Given where you now are, what advice would you give to others how find themselves in the same situation as
you are who are perhaps starting the process and journey that you went through?
Well the advice that I have got is to keep really detailed notes on everything, try and keep your paperwork
in order, if possible have somebody come to any solicitors meetings with you so as they can ask
any questions that you might have forgotten to ask and also they can remind you of key points that the solicitor
may have made during the meeting that you might not remember at the time. It's a really really stressful time in
your life and I think to get as much support around you as possible is the best thing. Don't be afraid of
talking to a few solicitors until you find one that you are really comfortable with and that you think can
represent you well and understands your situation - can represent you well in court. Talk to family and friends
because they will give you a different perspective about what has happened and about what particular
questions to ask your solicitor. Your solicitors job is to explain the court process and what to expect and
sometimes it is better to hear the truth rather than what you want to hear.
As a family solicitor specialising in cases including children and domestic abuse I have seen many clients
in Ruth's situation, given how widespread domestic abuse is and given the stigma which still applies
to victims of it and it is very rare indeed to have someone brave enough willing to tell their story to help others.