J: Hi C: Hello
J: So today's video as you may have seen from a title has a rather interesting theme.
We're going to talk about marriage. Yay.
Because actually three years ago tomorrow is the day we met.
C: Is it tomorrow? J: Yeah.
C: We've not been married for one year though. J: No we haven't.
C: Although it does feel like we've been married for ages.
So that's it in a good way. Not in an "I'm sooo done with you already."
J: It feels like I've known you forever so sometimes I get a bit confused
This year is also really special because it is 15 years since homosexuality was legalised in the UK.
C: Which is quite amazing really. That's like my dad was 20 when that happened.
J: Jesus! C: Yeah. I asked him and he said that you would know who was,
but you just- you didn't really talk about it
and he actually said and even though when it was legalized there was still a lot of stigma around it and
He's a doctor, my dad, and he applied for a consultancy position
I can't remember where is was. It was somewhere, but he was a single unmarried man
in his sort of early thirties
And he says he didn't get it because they assumed he was gay.
J: I write a column for liability magazine and this month I kind of wrote about how
gay rights have progressed but also disabled right kind of are almost moving backwards
Just for the article I was researching looking at different dates like
a timeline of when things have happened LGBT-wise *dogs growling*
Within the UK and it's really shocking, some of the dates.
It was illegal to be homosexual on the Isle of Man up until 1994
C: Really? J: Yeah
C: Isn't the Isle of Man part of the UK?
J: Yeah but different parts went at different times, so I think Scotland was 1983
Northern Ireland was 1984
C: I think it's still strange to think in a gay marriage wasn't actually legalized until 2014.
I mean, that's only three years ago.
J: Yeah. The year that we met, in fact, it became legal.
C: Yeah it was the first year and then we were like "Yeah let's jump on this bandwagon and let's get married!"
J: We were like "It's leghal! Let's go go!"
C: We were the first same-sex couple to have a religious wedding, a recognized religious wedding,
in the South-West? Or was it- J: The South of England
C: Just the South of England apparently
So go us! J: Yay, Quakerism!
Kind of a lot of the argument at the time in gay marriage is "Why do they need to get married? Why is marriage important?"
C: Also, a lot of gay people would argue "Why are- why are gay people fighting for marriage because it's
J: Heteronormative? C: Yeah you're basically trying like- A lot of activist gay people would be like
We're fighting for an individual like for our individuality and our own like culture and subgroup
To be recognized but not to be merged and it kind of somehow
downplays what we fought for to then just be like "Oh yeah you can just be what we are.
J: Because why is marriage important? Why do people get married in the first place?
And I loved the idea of getting married , not only for (Yay) legal benefits. But I didn't really care about those.
But having everyone around us come together celebrate our coupledom and
Support it and just be recognized. C: Yeah, it's more like a recognition thing yeah
It's kind of like because there is still a awkwardness around being in a gay relationship
Because obviously even though there's a lot of us
It's not still the majority. Because there's the history of it only being legalized the last 50 years
there's still a lot of changing opinions on it and like people of my father's generation have had to
do a 180 on how they view it
Whether or not they were homophobic or not they just had to like rework it in their brain
J: And learn that homosexuality isn't about sex necessarily
It's not just "oh, I want to have sex with someone of the same sex". It's "I have romantic feelings
I want to build a family with them." C: People don't know how to refer to you.
So they'll be like. "Oh is your- um- your friend..."
Or "Is your....um....partner..."
You know and it's just they don't know the word and you don't know what the word is.
And it's just so much nicer to be able to say "my wife.."
J: Yeah. To be honest, girlfriend doesn't fel like the word for me.
Even when we met I was like. Ugh. Girlfriend. Girfriend means "girlfriends"
It makes you feel like you're either straight girls who are like "besties"
C: Yeah I know. I think for men they can say he's my boyfriend and that means something. You recongnize that.
But especially for us as as two feminate lesbians
Feminate lesbians? You know what I meant, yeah. Like for us to say oh, we're girlfriends
Some cute little old lady who's not quite sure, she's just like" oh yeah, that's my girlfriend there, too"
J: Yeah and you're like. No. C: Cause we got that quite a lot didn't we
J: Girlfriends doesn't imply "This is the woman I want to spend the REST of my life with
C: Well that's why I didn't personally really mind the word partner. But you really don't like it, do you?
J: I really don't like the word partner C: Cause you think it sounds like business partners
J: There's that whole like haha the funny confusion of partner. What do you do together?
C: Because what else- what other terminology can we use?
Partner is stronger than boyfriend or girlfriend. It's more serious.
J: Yeah. I think there's also that the history of using the word partner I find is quite- is a bit...
If someone now that we're married whenever anyone says we're partner I'm like
"Oh! Oh you don't think our marriage is valid."
And I know that's a complete overreaction, but that is my first reaction.
C: Well. Yeah, I guess so because you wouldn't say-
My sister and her husband someone wouldn't go up to him and say "Oh how's your partner?"
He'd be like "My wife."
J: Yeah. Personally on a personal level away from gayness,
Marriage to me has been such a great confidence boost
and it's made me feel so much happier, in who I am and really secure
Because I always feel like
Haha I don't care what the rest of the world says. She decided to spend her life with me, so meh whatever.
C: That is a nice feeling isn't it you can have a really bad day like your hair's really shit. You're covered in spots
Nothing looks good that you put on, and rather than being like "Ugh I feel so awful"
I mean actually I do feel like that when happens, but like
You just don't- I know that you don't care
Yeah, when you're married, it's suddenly like, well
You know you're going to have so see me when my boobs are saggy so- and when I'm wrinkly
J: Yeah. But it's not like "letting yourself go" now that you're married
I think what that means is literally that you just- C: Dammnit. I was going to let myself go
*both laughing*
J: It feels like when I'm with you, I feel the same as- I feel as relaxed and chilled as when I'm alone
Ugh spending time with people C: I don't know if that's to do with like if you're married or not
I think that might be if you just found someone that you really love
Because not everyone- like- you don't have to be married to feel like that
J: No. No, no, and you also don't need to be married to feel that confidence boost-
C: No. But then you are a big believer of marriage
Whereas (like obviously I am too because I got married) but like I'm not anti-
J: Not getting married? Yeah C: Yes. Not getting married.
If you were like I really don't wanna get married
I'd be like okay. But because you were like I REALLY want to get married
J: I REALLY want to get married. C: I was like OK. I'm easily led.
*Jessica laughing* I'll just do whatever.
Yeah but our wedding- our first dance song was um...
Cheerleader by OMI J: Yeah.
C: And it's the lyrics sort of- you probably know but like J: It's the lyrics we like
C: It's like "I found my cheerleader. She's always I'n my corner..."
J: "When I need motivation..." C: Yeah
And like "other girls are tempting" but I'm not gonna go there.
It's kind of like I've just found my one and the reason she's my one is because she's always cheering me on
And I know she's always got my back. J: Yeah, that's true. It's very much like
*Tilly makes rustling sounds*
C: She's gone all- I gave her a bath today when I gave her a bath to tend to go a bit like....
J: A bit manic C: And she's well fluff. Like where's her face right now?
J: Haha none can tell.
No-one can tell. You're a fluffball!
There are many many countries across the globe where C: I know! But like-
J: Gay people- Well it's still illegal to be gay. You can get locked up.
C: You know like when the whole world was kind of-
My point is when some countries, and you know some of the super powers of the world
And the majority of the west you know western Europe are like. Yeah, gay is fine.
You know there's like so many influential people on YouTube,
In Hollywood, in the music industry J: On your TV
C: Who are, you know J: Open
C: Out. You know. So you can watch people from India people from Russia
Everywhere I can access these programs or songs or whatever it is
Everyone know is about gayness and awareness of it, and it seems very unfair then for a government to say
We think very strongly against it and think that we, you know- And oppose it, and no children should be taught it
Because it's conflicting information for those people in those countries
They've got one they've got one half the world saying "Yeah it's fine"
And these people they look up to, their idols. And then their country and you know
people that maybe are idol people to them like their own parents saying "No, this is wrong."
J: Yeah which again, if we bring it back to the point about gay marriage. Is that gay marriage makes it normalized.
It's so much easier to say to someone "This is my wife , we're married. We're in a relationship."
And the first things you think about are like "Oh. Family"
So I think the best way for countries to move forwards- Countries who don't currently have equal laws
And equal opportunities for gay people. Oh look. They're just living normal lives. Doing normal stuff.
C: Playing Devil's Advocate, some people might say, "but you've just said
'Oh I like to be married because it's easier than to say
And be recognize for being gay' " and some people may argue
Why should it matter if you're married or not people should accept it either way
J: I obviously think that everyone should be
Accepted for being gay whether you are married or not. I just think it's a good way
to move the conversation forward, would be my response
C: You know for some people who have been with their
boyfriend/partner/girlfriend/partner
Whatever. Other half. For like thirty years
And then suddenly gay marriage is allowed. They don't feel-
I would feel like them. Why would I suddenly rush to get married?
I feel like why should I suddenly have to have my relationship recognized in that way now?
My relationship should have been recognized all of this time.
J: Yeah, I'm not saying that uh- Gay marriage either validates a relationship
If you have one if you get gay married, and it doesn't- "get gay married!". Just married.
It doesn't invalidate- C: You Freudian Slipped yourself there
J: It doesn't invalidate relationships if you choose not to get married. I just think having the option-
It should always BE the option. C: Yeah that's what I meant about like
You know true equality is giving everyone the same priviliges yeah J: Chances and choices
J: So there you go those were our random thoughts about gay marriage
C: Anyway that was quite heavy. We should be a bit more like "Whoo! Get married!"
J: Oh yeah C: Right like we're having the best time
We seem like we're really like "uggghhh" But we're not J: Sorry yeah
Marriage is genuinely awesome. Getting married to you is the best thing I've ever done
Meeting you is the best thing that's ever happened to me
I genuinely can't picture any day in the rest of my life without you in it
C: I know. You're like my little stalker!
hahaha
J: Don't you dare! You can't even go down aisles in the supermarket without me.
C: I do!
J: So I'm stuck on you. I mean, I don't know how we're not sick of each other already
J: I don't know! C: We've literally spent J: Every day
C: Pretty much like 24 (not 24/7 cause I go to work) but like we've pretty much spent every day
together for the last three years
Apart from maybe we probably count- I think we counted it
J: 21 nights. C: I think- Oh was it? 21 nights.
J: Not that I counted.... C: Yeah, it's been just over a thousand days together
J: Yeah and we spent 21 nights apart out of that.
And we're not sick of each other yet, which bodes well C: Yet!
J: I think for the future C: I'm sure we will get sick of each other at some point
J: But then will become unsick C: Marriage is about like the long- it's not about like
J: The long haul C: Yeah, it's not gonna be like "Oh we had a really bad argument."
It's going to be like "I'm not sure about relationship anymore"
J: That's some thing that- The great security of marriages that
"Oh no we disagreed on something!. Meh whatever. We're married. She'll get over it."
C: "She'll get over it." Oh right. So it's always me that has the back down. I see how this is gonna go.
That's what I call her. My wife is woman for life.
J: She loves that. She really loves it. C: Yeah
J: Aw I love you too, woman for life. You're the cutest. C: Thank you.
J: Aw *kissing*
C: That's a goodbye from her. That's goodbye from me
We're actually just going to watch Escape to the Country or something because we're like old married couple now
Three years. We've known each other for three years. three years. And in another three years and another thousand days together
J: Yes? C: We'll probably have a baby
J: *gasp* Yayyy! Baby! I'm so broody.
C: That'll be exciting won't it? J: It will.